Hurting

[4Everloved]

I am hurting so badly. Things were starting to look up. Now my daughter is back into the eating disorder big time and concern for her is eating me alive. Yes, she has a new and qualified counselor. Yes, she has a new doctor. But does she want to be well? No, it certainly doesn't appear that way.

I got back into college in September and was so happy that I would finally get my bachelors in social work. The week before I was to start my internship, i found out for sure that dd is binging and purging again. Then, she defied my husband loudly and he got mad (OF COURSE) and she moved out.

I am doing a 425 hour internship at my DREAM JOB in the place where I always wanted to learn and work...yet I am DEAD INSIDE because my daughter is slowly killing herself.

On December 1st, I take her to get a bone scan and to see if her heart is enlarged. They also will check her esophagus to see if it is torn. This is a long-standing thing with her. but I thought she was done. i know, i know, we all have relapses. I KNOW!

I am angry at my church because to me they act like idiots and I would never treat my friends there the way they treat me. I listen to people when they have problems. I pray with them. I may make comments, but they are soft and worded carefully, as suggestions, not DEMANDS, ADVICE, OR COMMANDING TYPE COMMENTS.

Pastor DOES NOT CARE. Either that, or he is just plain scared of mental conditions and messy stuff like anorexia/bulimia.

I might as well be dead if my daughter doesn't get well. She is my purpose for living. She kept me alive when she didn't even know it! As a single mom struggling to survive, she gave me the will to live. and now she doesn't want to live. (we found a suicide note, by the way, with about 12 bags of vomit nearby, on a hill nearby our home.)

Yes, yes, yes, yes! We're getting her help. I know, I KNOW I KNOW!

Do I appear so stupid that ppl have to tell me what to do? All I really want them to do is CARE! Support, care, listen, advice and ideas given GENTLY, love, and PRAY FOR US! Is that so hard?

She's home now, and does seem a little more stable. I'm just dealing with these horrible feelings. The fear...of her dying, it is a horrible feeling and I don't know why I fear it, because God told me He would make her well. But it will still be a battle. I love her so much that it hurts. I love her more than anyone else in this whole world.

Having bipolar makes it a little worse dealing with this, but really, I think it would be horrible for any mother.

I have just got stabilized on a low-dosage maintenance medicine and stopped the Seroquel and others gradually and I'm not going back to all those meds before, it was too much for me. I'm not going to walk around like a zombie. I am in real life and I like it that way.

 

[MyEverything]

I'm so sorry that you're going through all that you are. I'll be praying for you, your family and even your church.

 

[Alive again]

Hugs and prayers for you and your DD, dear friend!

 

[Jeshu]

I am hurting so badly. Things were starting to look up. Now my daughter is back into the eating disorder big time and concern for her is eating me alive. Yes, she has a new and qualified counselor. Yes, she has a new doctor. But does she want to be well? No, it certainly doesn't appear that way.

I got back into college in September and was so happy that I would finally get my bachelors in social work. The week before I was to start my internship, i found out for sure that dd is binging and purging again. Then, she defied my husband loudly and he got mad (OF COURSE) and she moved out.

I am doing a 425 hour internship at my DREAM JOB in the place where I always wanted to learn and work...yet I am DEAD INSIDE because my daughter is slowly killing herself.

On December 1st, I take her to get a bone scan and to see if her heart is enlarged. They also will check her esophagus to see if it is torn. This is a long-standing thing with her. but I thought she was done. i know, i know, we all have relapses. I KNOW!

I am angry at my church because to me they act like idiots and I would never treat my friends there the way they treat me. I listen to people when they have problems. I pray with them. I may make comments, but they are soft and worded carefully, as suggestions, not DEMANDS, ADVICE, OR COMMANDING TYPE COMMENTS.

Pastor DOES NOT CARE. Either that, or he is just plain scared of mental conditions and messy stuff like anorexia/bulimia.

I might as well be dead if my daughter doesn't get well. She is my purpose for living. She kept me alive when she didn't even know it! As a single mom struggling to survive, she gave me the will to live. and now she doesn't want to live. (we found a suicide note, by the way, with about 12 bags of vomit nearby, on a hill nearby our home.)

Yes, yes, yes, yes! We're getting her help. I know, I KNOW I KNOW!

Do I appear so stupid that ppl have to tell me what to do? All I really want them to do is CARE! Support, care, listen, advice and ideas given GENTLY, love, and PRAY FOR US! Is that so hard?

She's home now, and does seem a little more stable. I'm just dealing with these horrible feelings. The fear...of her dying, it is a horrible feeling and I don't know why I fear it, because God told me He would make her well. But it will still be a battle. I love her so much that it hurts. I love her more than anyone else in this whole world.

Having bipolar makes it a little worse dealing with this, but really, I think it would be horrible for any mother.

I have just got stabilized on a low-dosage maintenance medicine and stopped the Seroquel and others gradually and I'm not going back to all those meds before, it was too much for me. I'm not going to walk around like a zombie. I am in real life and I like it that way.

Oh Jan it sounds like things are really awful around your place right now. Please do keep you focus on Jesus dear.

Remember Jan you are not fighting flesh and blood but spiritual forces of darkness and they are tearing you apart - like the wild animals they are.

About your daughter - your love for your daughter is your best asset - please don't let lying Satan misuse it - through worry, and loading you with negative thinking and feeling because you care about your beloved.

I found that sanctifying our beloved when they sin is far better than releasing our worries and fears onto them but yet ignoring them most of the other times when they need loving support. To build a complete loving relationship with her - unconditional and non demanding - and stay in place to pray for her at all times.

For our power is that we love them.

Your kingship with Christ - for we do truly love - and are in this like Him. See to be like Jesus means we crucify ourselves - to carry the wrongs of other - loving them all the way to the end.

Your priestly office - for you may sanctify sinners at work by sanctifying your daughter - time and again - and so her sins will begin to loose power over her - as your love melts the ice.

Your Prophetic office. To prophecy the truth in action to our beloved in loving dedication to their well-being when they are stuck with wrong. By prophesying to her what the truth of her deeds are and will bring, and who to go to for help, and how - is the difficult but rewarding job you have been given.

 

[4Everloved]

You are good people I knew I would come back to encouragement and godly, gentle advice

God is doing things. Her counselor (psych) is excellent, he's new but they've already clicked (yesterday), and she will be going back often.

I danced like David today, all through the house, and praised God. All day I felt energized and full of faith for the present and the future.

Because of the LORD, I know that it is going to be all right. I know she will be well. I like what Jeshu said about a steady, every-day, unconditional love. That is something I always need to display and I'm not so sure I've been a good one at that.

WARNING: Dancing and praising can turn a deep depression into a bit of hypomania!!!

 

[Jeshu]

You are good people I knew I would come back to encouragement and godly, gentle advice

God is doing things. Her counselor (psych) is excellent, he's new but they've already clicked (yesterday), and she will be going back often.

I danced like David today, all through the house, and praised God. All day I felt energized and full of faith for the present and the future.

Because of the LORD, I know that it is going to be all right. I know she will be well. I like what Jeshu said about a steady, every-day, unconditional love. That is something I always need to display and I'm not so sure I've been a good one at that.

WARNING: Dancing and praising can turn a deep depression into a bit of hypomania!!!

Isn't it great when His Spirit moves us? And disappointing when we realise we have more Bad Life to go yet? Still be encouraged Jan, Eternal life may not always appear present, but He is always, sanctifying us as we go along - even when we don't see that.

Also give yourself the love you give your daughter as you must love her as yourself. You would want someone to pray for you, when you are in trouble? So do it for her and so for God and so for you, and so on - making the cycle complete and adding Good life to it for others at the same time.

Sure Christ is better than we can be at loving others, or ourself or God - but His love is a blanket - for those who use Him wisely.

Cultivate Truthful Love - The Good Seed of Jesus Christ and though you sow in tears you will reap a harvest of Joy.

Promised by God Himself

 

[4Everloved]

Jeshu, I still think you should be writing books!

Guess what? Guess who I saw at the grocery store who was so kind and glad to see me? My pastor!!! It was awesome

The joy of the Lord is my strength

 

[Jeshu]

Jeshu, I still think you should be writing books!

You know Jan I always wanted to write a book. I wrote one 12 odd years ago, my family all read it and loved it, but I destroyed it in a manic fit.

I started another one a few years back but have been to unwell to continue with it. I got the first chapter in though most of the story is still in my head. I've been working on it for years really.


See what you think if you want to. It starts at the first post.

Enjoy

http://www.christianforums.com/t7242291/

 

[michael714]

> I have just got stabilized on a low-dosage maintenance medicine and stopped the Seroquel and others gradually and I'm not going back to all those meds before, it was too much for me. I'm not going to walk around like a zombie. I am in real life and I like it that way.

Praying that the Lord will heal your daughter's heart.

Can you share a bit about how you got off the meds? I struggle with that zombie state stuff myself.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for you, for your daughter to healed completely and for your family to have all their needs met.

I am on meds and I feel mellow not zombie-like. I know I can't be okay without them. I felt tormented without them when I have gone off them once. To each his own.

 

[jesusfreak1410]

Reading this broke my heart, gave me flashbacks of being sick. I had an eating disorder for about 4 years when Christ entered my life and saved me. I never thought I would get better and I'd been in the hospital and therapy, nothing helped. Then January 4th He opened my heart and my life did a 180, my ed stopped dead in its tracks.
I guess what my point is, this is all in God's hands. No matter what happens, He is working for the GOOD of those who love Him [Romans 8:28] and will not allow you to be tempted BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN BEAR [1 Cor 10:13]. That means that He has faith that you can get through this. It's hard, but trials make us stronger.
I know what it's like to be in that place, as your daughter is now, and it saddens me to think of how much I hurt my mom. But God has a plan and worked it all out for my good. I will be praying for you and your daughter.
Keep trusting the Lord, with all your heart! and lean not on your own understanding. [Proverbs 3:5]

Also, here is a great part of a psalm that is really inspiring for eating disorders:
Some were fools; they rebelled
and suffered for their sins.
They couldn’t stand the thought of food,
and they were knocking on death’s door.
“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them,
snatching them from the door of death.
Let them praise the Lord for his great love
and for the wonderful things he has done for them.
[Psalm 107:17-21]

[sorry this was so long]

 

[4Everloved]

I just lost the very long post I made in response to all of you. I thanked each one of you and answered Michael's question.

I lost the post when the thingy said to refresh, my post was gone. I may try to come back later and remember what I said.

Jeshu, I am going to go to your link next.

 

[JussiOlavi]

Be all well in the name of Jesus!

Fear thou not, for I am with thee; be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (Is. 41:10)

 

[4Everloved]

Reading this broke my heart, gave me flashbacks of being sick. I had an eating disorder for about 4 years when Christ entered my life and saved me. I never thought I would get better and I'd been in the hospital and therapy, nothing helped. Then January 4th He opened my heart and my life did a 180, my ed stopped dead in its tracks.
I guess what my point is, this is all in God's hands. No matter what happens, He is working for the GOOD of those who love Him [Romans 8:28] and will not allow you to be tempted BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN BEAR [1 Cor 10:13]. That means that He has faith that you can get through this. It's hard, but trials make us stronger.
I know what it's like to be in that place, as your daughter is now, and it saddens me to think of how much I hurt my mom. But God has a plan and worked it all out for my good. I will be praying for you and your daughter.
Keep trusting the Lord, with all your heart! and lean not on your own understanding. [Proverbs 3:5]

Also, here is a great part of a psalm that is really inspiring for eating disorders:
Some were fools; they rebelled
and suffered for their sins.
They couldn’t stand the thought of food,
and they were knocking on death’s door.
“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble,
and He saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them,
snatching them from the door of death.
Let them praise the Lord for his great love
and for the wonderful things he has done for them.
[Psalm 107:17-21]

[sorry this was so long]

This scripture is perfect for the situation, I slowed down and read it carefully. I am so glad you are healed, Jesusfreak!