HUMAN BEING RECALL Notice!

[Elijah2]

-Author Unknown.

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured,
regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and
central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype unit’s code names,
Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all
subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal
Non-Morality" or as it is more commonly known and primarily expressed,
"S.I.N."

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction.
2. Foul vocal emissions.
3. Amnesia of origin.
4. Lack of peace and joy.
5. Selfish or violent behaviour.
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component.
7. Fearfulness.
8. Idolatry.
9. Rebellion.

The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is
providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to
correct this SIN defect.

The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the
entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.
There is no additional fee required!

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE
procedure. Next , download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus,
into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it
with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers'
Instruction Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of
these fixes.

WARNING:
Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction, voids any
Manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too
numerous to list and, will result in the human unit being permanently
impounded.

For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER:
The human being units NOT responding to this recall action will have to
be scrapped in the furnace.

The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter The Maker's facility,
Heaven, so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your PROMPT attention!

GOD, The Maker
P.S.
Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important
RECALL Notice.

 

[Dorf]

thats great

 

[bluegreysky]

Lol :d

 

[TheCosmicGospel]

And just how are these defective units to wake up and realize how defective they are and to know that they are as good as dead and full of sin and an enemy of God?

How are the dead to come alive? How do they take that first step and accept Jesus?

Peace,
Cos

 

[Elijah2]

And just how are these defective units to wake up and realize how defective they are and to know that they are as good as dead and full of sin and an enemy of God?

How are the dead to come alive? How do they take that first step and accept Jesus?

Peace,
Cos

We die on our cross in Christ, be buried in Christ, then the stone is rolled away, we discard our burial clothes, and then resurrect ourself in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Our union with our Lord Jesus Christ is a new birth (John 3:3) and it makes us alive by the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:1-9). HIS death for us secures our salvation, and by having HIS life in us, it applies that salvation.

Our Almighty God changes our lives by exchanging our lives for the life of our Lord Jesus Christ, and we are now identified with our Lord Jesus CHrist.

Our Death with Christ, see Gal. 2:20.

Our burial with Christ, see Rom. 6:4-6.

Our resurrection with Christ,see Rom. 6:4-6 and Eph. 2:1-6.

Our enthronement with Christ, see Eph. 2:5-6. In EPh. 1:20-21 we take our position with HIM.

 

[Tissue]

I think you've got the wrong forum.

 

[ephraimanesti]

I think you've got the wrong forum.

IT WORKS HERE FOR ME! Seems like sometimes we take ourselves and our petty little problems a bit too seriously. A good relevant chuckle from time to time works wonders in helping us keep ourselves in perspective.

ephraim

 

[Elijah2]

I think you've got the wrong forum.

What makes you think that my dear young brother in Christ?

 

[Elijah2]

This is a Christian Advice forum. While this is certainly a neat, witty little Christian bit, it doesn't have a whole lot to do with advice in general. Perhaps the claim will be that it GIVES advice, but if that is the case, are we to allow members free reign to post a topic entirely consisting of two, short proverbs? I would hope not.

It's cute, but it's quite out-of-place.

Thanks for your advice, but this 70 year old knows when a querky ditty, comical or not, is advice or not. Thanks again, I guess you do practice the nine fruit of the Spirit.

 

[TrueHope]

That's great! It appears to be in the right place, as far as I'm concerned! Such a sweet way! God Bless

 

[serephim02]

I laughed. nice i liked it so

 

[AxisofOddity]

Very intuitive. My only complaint was that you listed depression and mental illness as a sin. Those two are biological defects, not lacks of "goodness".

 

[Elijah2]

Very intuitive. My only complaint was that you listed depression and mental illness as a sin. Those two are biological defects, not lacks of "goodness".

Yep, I had depression and mental illness, and it was sin, because the sin I committed caused it. So what's your point?

 

[AxisofOddity]

Sin doesn't cause mental illness nor depression, in most cases. Don't blame others for things they haven't done simple because you believe your sins caused you harm. It's chemical imbalance in the brain, stress, genetics that cause mental illness and depression, not sin.

 

[Elijah2]

Sin doesn't cause mental illness nor depression, in most cases. Don't blame others for things they haven't done simple because you believe your sins caused you harm. It's chemical imbalance in the brain, stress, genetics that cause mental illness and depression, not sin.

Isn't it shame you couldn't laugh at what was written.

And don't tell me that you are full bottle on depression and mental illness, because if that is so, then you wouldn't have made such a statement.

I'll ask you a question, did you serve in Vietnam?

 

[AxisofOddity]

For crying out loud, how dare you say that an ordinary person's mental anguish is caused by their own folly? Your case is post-traumatic stress syndrome. What you did there is your own business and God's. However, you are very wrong for pitting your own experience as someone else's. They are two very different cases, and people are not the same as you. We haven't all sinned to your degree (or as you say) to cause our supposed woes.

However, I do concede that in some ways, the path of sin does lead to mental anguish (like drug use, alcoholism, etcetera)

Edit: It was a good anecdote, but wrong only by that one line...

 

[Elijah2]

For crying out loud all that was stated was:

6. Depression or confusion in the mental component.


nOW, my dear brother if you think this statement gives you the right to attack me unnecessary with an beligerent attitude, it appears that you need to see the funny side of things and life, and don't take things so seriously.

And please don't put words into my mouth through your cynical belief that someone is accusing you of depression and mental illness.

It's interesting enough that other people have seen the lightness of humour, and that is all it is.

I received this from a friend, and I accepted it in all lightness of the message.

Sorry to see that you are so offended!

 

[Tissue]

Elijah, I must admit, I'm quite confused. You're 70-years-old, and probably have more experience in things such as marriage, and credit cards, and war, and stuff. But when it comes to definitions of words as simple as "advice", I think it's safe to say you and me have the same Webster-based heritage.

One problem with CF is that it seems to be ok to post something out of place as long as its cute and heavily Christian, but aren't the rules in place to make sure things stay organized?

Further, it's generally a good idea to note that you didn't write something if you got it through an e-mail. I doubt whoever wrote this would call you up and sue or anything, but it's generally polite to note that you got it in a forward or something.

Finally, I must admit, I'm baffled by the last segment of your post directed at me. Are you being sarcastic and implying that I do not practice the nine fruits of the Spirit? On what grounds do you make that claim?

 

[Miracle Storm]

Thank you for that OP. I just stumbled across that thread and I really needed a smile. I have been going through a bout of depression myself.

I appreciate anything funny and uplifting.

May God bless.

Peace y'all

 

[ephraimanesti]

For crying out loud, how dare you say that an ordinary person's mental anguish is caused by their own folly? Your case is post-traumatic stress syndrome. What you did there is your own business and God's. However, you are very wrong for pitting your own experience as someone else's. They are two very different cases, and people are not the same as you. We haven't all sinned to your degree (or as you say) to cause our supposed woes.

However, I do concede that in some ways, the path of sin does lead to mental anguish (like drug use, alcoholism, etcetera)

Edit: It was a good anecdote, but wrong only by that one line...

MY DEAR SISTER,

If the "ONE LINE" you are referring to is the one that has to do with "DEPRESSION OR CONFUSION IN THE MENTAL COMPONENT" i think the statement is right-on--mainly because i have personally experienced this effect of sin for most of my life, have been diagnosed with several "Mental Illnesses" by "experts" in the process.

GUESS WHAT--my "symptoms" of mental illness "magically" disappeared when i finally surrendered to the healing love of our Lord.

The statement "DEPRESSION OR CONFUSION IN THE MENTAL COMPONENT" does not (i believe) refer to those who are victims of brain damage, chemical imbalances, extreme trauma, etc., but i do believe that the statement well describes the effects of our willfull sins upon the rest of us--and the world around us.

A BOND-SLAVE OF CHRIST,
ephraim