Hugging

[fishstix]

According to the nomenclature here, I think it was a shoulder hug and not a side hug or a hug.

I think you've got something there -- I think this was probably the issue.

What do you men by a "stumbling block"?

Well, I have only seen her a few times since this happened, but she makes me feel uncomfortable when she comes to me. I really DON'T want to be alone with her anymore -- she makes me feel unsafe. I talked to the youth pastor about her, and he said that I should just stay VERY wary. I think I should let the other guys in the youth group know about her.

She was probably afraid she would become aroused if she touched her self to my body. Yuck!

Shoulder hugs and side hugs are pretty much the same thing. I'm sure she was not afraid that *she* would become aroused by touching you. You are probably the only person involved in the situation with sexuality on their mind. I'm actually beginning to wonder if this event actually happened or if you are just trying to get a reaction from us to sit back and laugh at. I highly doubt that any youth pastor would tell you that she is the one with the problem.

 

[Speluncher]

It doesn't bother me.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Mod Hat On

Ok guys (and gals!), let's ease up a bit on the OP. He's expressed a concern. I know everyone doesn't agree with his views and that's ok, you don't have to. But please, let's treat him with repsect (as I know you all can). I don't want to have to say "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

Thanks for your cooperation.

Mod Hat Off

 

[Living4Him03]

Maybe you could PM one of the males on this board and ask them for advice about the situation. Maybe there are things about this girl you know that you don't want to share with us? I guess I am just having a hard time understanding why the hug made you uncomfortable unless she has done this with other guys or unless you know something about her that we all don't know. I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel uncomfortable. Just avoid her and the next time she tries something like that just tell her you are uncomfortable with hugs. If she can't respect your space then ask your youth pastor or other church leader to have a talk with her about boundaries.

 

[Princess Pea]

Here's another angle: Even if the reason for her holding back WAS that she didn't want to get aroused by touching you, why would holding back be a bad thing? Wouldn't it reflect more poorly on her if she'd known that getting close would bring on inappropriate feelings - and then gone ahead and done it anyway? It would be as if you walked past a girls' locker room where the door had accidentally been left open. You'd have two choices: turn your head away, or look inside. Which choice would reflect better on your self control? What if someone saw you turn your head away and deduced that you had a dirty mind? Do you see what I'm getting at here?

Again, not meaning to ignore your feelings. It's just that sometimes strong feelings get in the way of thinking objectively about things. I really do think it would help you if you could figure out why this bothered you so much, because then you could deal with that and move on. You pointed out that we shouldn't judge someone whose experiences and origins we don't know, and you're right about that. But perhaps your past experiences, and not this girl's intentions, are the true cause of your reaction? Just something to think about ... I obviously have no idea!

 

[fishstix]

A person feels the way they feel. And these feelings should not be dismissed and put down. Not knowing a person's experiences and origins, you can not and should not judge them. You have the right to feel how ever you feel, but you do not have the right to tell anyone their feelings are incorrect.

Isn't that precisely what you are doing to the girl in question, plus assuming that you know what her thoughts and feelings are?

 

[horuhe00]

I don't think that anyone's asked this before, but... What does your church teach about male/female relationships? Maybe that's what the problem is that you are not used to such closeness?

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

How do y'all think about these kinds of hugs?

It's also possible she had a sore chest from something. Like surgery, hormones, catching a football from Bret Farve, etc...