Hugging

[rainbowprism]

If she had reached around and grabbed your butt...I would think that could be considered a sexualized hug. I think the shoulders are a 'safe zone'. I mean I don't think this was anything you think it was unless there was additionall rubbing or groping that you haven't informed us of. I think she was just trying to show affection that brothers and sisters of Christ can share appropriately.

 

[horuhe00]

Different cultures give different signs of affection. In France, they kiss 2 or 4 times, in Russia, they kiss on the lips, in Puerto Rico, your going to have hugs always. And not the little pats on the back cheesy hugs. I mean nige, good hugs

 

[fishstix]

She was just probably trying to hug you in a way where she wouldn't have to squeeze you so that you felt her chest against yours. For some men it is a stumbling block if they receive hugs like these. Next time opt for a side hug.

From the description in the OP I think it was a side hug.

 

[brinley45cal]

I just came back from a missions trip with a group from my church, and as I said good bye to one of the young women in the church parking lot, she gave me this hug. Well, it wasn't really a hug, it was this kind of "Let's reach around each other's bodies and maybe lightly touch the top of each other's shoulders" thing.

It kind of wierded me out. Kind of like a limp, cold-fish handshake. I don't really need hugs, and I didn't ask for one, but this was kind of gross. It made me wonder what she was afraid of -- maybe she knows something about her sexual fantasies and responses that I don't. Creepy!

Anyway, next time she moves in for a hug, I'll give her the "no thanks" look. I can get hugs from people who won't make it a sexual thing. ***Shudders***

How do y'all think about these kinds of hugs?

I think mybe your taking the hugging deal to the extreme.Just because she gave you a hug dosnt mean she was ready to take you to bed.It could have been a hug that was simply meant to show affection in a family of god type of way or close friend.I think your reading a little to much into it.
But hey some people dont like to be hugged or there personel space invaded so you just have to tell then nicley your not into the touching hugging thing if your not comfortable with it.I have men and woman alike come up and give me hugs all the time at church,i dont mind it,i enjoy it.Not in a perverted way mind you its just something that we do,but if your not comfortable with it thats ok to,but i wouldnt jump to conclusions.

 

[eutychus]

If it was a side-hug, then I don't think it was a big deal, and I agree with the above posters that she was trying to make it less sexual than it could be.

Personally, I don't hug the guys around me. Thankfully, the Christian guys I know are respectful enough to not desire to hug girls (unless they are afianced, at least), so we shake hands. And, believe it or not, I think it's just as affectionate and possibly more chivalrous than a guy who initiates a hug.

 

[invisiblebabe]

*shrug* I hug my guy friends all the time. All my girl friends too.

 

[Speluncher]

It's not that bad, really.

 

[LionOfJudah]

right get over your self dude, i doubt that. maybe she was more concerned about what you would think.

 

[Living4Him03]

I don't understand how she makes you feel unsafe. There is obviously more to the story than you are telling us. Does she do this with other guys? Treat her as a brother in Christ...maybe she is lonely and wants friends. You never know. Humble yourself and take this issue before the Lord instead of judging this poor girl and assuming she is a pervert when you don't know what's going on. What if the opposite had happened and you had gone to hug her? What if she didn't like that hug and so she told ALL the people in your group that you are a pervert and to be careful around you? Might make ya feel kinda bad huh? If I knew the rest of the story I could give you more advice as I'm sure the rest of us could. You are leaving out some missing pieces.

 

[Princess Pea]

What do you men by a "stumbling block"?

Stumbling block? OK, I'll bite. Since a lot of men seem to be pretty fascinated just by looking at pictures of a woman's upper anatomy, it would seem safe to assume that FEELING that area smushed right up against their chests would be rather arousing. But I'm not a man, so I can't say for sure. Men, IS this a stumbling block for you?

From what you described in your OP, no one here so far has thought there was anything inappropriate about what she did, and a lot of people seem to be telling you're overreacting. Maybe you should think about that before you go warning all the other guys in your youth group about her. What exactly would you tell them? Stay away from her yourself if you must, but why turn her into a pariah? All she did was give you a very careful hug, and now you're going to tell all the guys she has her mind in the gutter? You're right on the edge of slandering her. What if she told all the girls to avoid you because you get upset if you don't get to feel enough of a girl's body when she hugs you? Your reaction could be interpreted this way, you know. I'm not saying that's what's going on, just how it could be interpreted. Only God knows your heart - and hers.

 

[Snowhite]

Well, I have only seen her a few times since this happened, but she makes me feel uncomfortable when she comes to me. I really DON'T want to be alone with her anymore -- she makes me feel unsafe. I talked to the youth pastor about her, and he said that I should just stay VERY wary. I think I should let the other guys in the youth group know about her.

She was probably afraid she would become aroused if she touched her self to my body. Yuck!

This is unreal...did the thought ever cross your mind that she might not think a full on hug was appropriate? That she might have hugged you like that for YOUR sake? I prescribe a reality check and an ego check...

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Hmm, this reminds me an awful lot like that thread about the man coming onto this one girl and she didn't appreciate his advances. Call me skeptacal, but I'm laying a question out there to see if this is a real or if someone is trolling??

 

[Speluncher]

I don't mind it.

 

[Living4Him03]

See, the problem is that we still don't understand what kind of "treatment" you are referring to. To most of us it sounds like she gave you a brief hug. Were you the only male she hugged? I don't know maybe she likes you. We don't know the whole story, because none of us was there to observe what went on. If you feel something isn't right you need to speak with her about it, and if it makes you uncomfortable being alone around her then ask your youth pastor to be there with you or nearby. We have just tried to give you the best advice we can give, but from the information you have presented it does make it appear as though you are prematurely judging this girl. I don't think there is such a thing as being humbled in a bad way. Being humiliated is bad, but being humbled often builds character. If you are not man enough to handle the situation the way Christ would and treat this girl as Christ would I do not know what else to tell you.

 

[Princess Pea]

I didn't mean to minimize your feelings - something about this incident clearly bothered you a lot, and it would be good if you could figure out what it was.

But Living4Him03 is right - we don't have enough information to be able to put the whole picture together. We didn't see the incident, and we know nothing about this girl and practically nothing about you. We don't even know for certain you're not a troll. All we have is the little you told us.

In the same way, you don't have enough information about this girl to be able to put her whole picture together either. All you have is this: she hugged you and you didn't like it. It sure doesn't seem like she meant anything impure, and I can't imagine that she had any idea her hug would make you so uneasy. If she'd known how you were going to react, I bet she wouldn't have done it.

How about deciding to give her the benefit of the doubt and putting this whole incident behind you? Avoid her if you must - or, better yet, talk to her. This is a classic case of nonverbal miscommunication, and a simple conversation with her would probably do wonders!

 

[hischildsindik]

I don't like the way so many people on this thread have been so dismissive of me and my feelings. I pray a lot, and know that my conscience has been shaped by the Word. I felt UNCOMFORTABLE, and I guess to some people this just doesn't matter. You have humbled me and not in a good way.

Perhaps some responses have been harsh, however, the full story was not witnessed by any of us. Your feelings are valid, however there is no justification as to why you should warn others about her. If she clearly did something wrong... then I could understand that, but from all you've spoken here I see she did nothing wrong at all. You have every right to how you feel, but you do not have every right to drag someone else into some thing you may not know is or is not true. I am not so sure your youth pastor should have even spoken of it to you. It's called a rumor.... so just continue to be prayerful.

<---love this new smilie... reminds me of one on some other boards I go to, although that's a group hug, no animation.

 

[Out of the Flames]

According to the nomenclature here, I think it was a shoulder hug and not a side hug or a hug.

Oh Good Lord. When you start classifying different kinds of hugs, is it possible that you may be overcomplicating things just a little? It was a hug. Most people are flattered that a person would be comfortable enough with them to get that close to begin with. Try not to read so much into it, eh?

 

[Astronaut]

Hugs aren't so bad.

 

[waterbear]

I shoulder hug when I'm in a situation where a hug is expected and I'm enjoying my personal space. It definately isn't inherently sexual.

 

[Out of the Flames]

Get real, as you can tell from the many posts, not one of us here even knows what happened on that fateful day, or why you're making such a big deal about it. Please don't tell us one more time that "she made you feel uncomfortable" cuz you did it to yourself!

And I thought only teenage girls reacted this way...

Pot, meet the kettle....

That was pretty harsh and very teenager like itself.