HUGE stumbling block for husband

[kbean]

Hello, I am in need of input from fellow Christians...

My husband is a non Christian and of course my greatest goal with him is to minister to him and witness for him in the most subtle but effective way...
which I am doing (though not as well as I should be).
But recently we came upon a huge block for him, that I think will be extremely difficult to get past on his path to finding faith. It is detrimental:

He wants to know how he could possibly believe in a God who:
1. didn't save his dad from cancer, he died a year and a half ago,
and most importantly even if he finds the answer to that question, then
2. how could he possibly enter a faith in which he has to believe that (as he goes about his day to day business in life) his father is writhing in hell this very moment (and forever) suffering beyond description being judged and condemned for eternity, because he was just a good man, but not a believer.
My husband will not believe in God because he would have to accept this painful reality and that is just way too much for him. Plus he says everyone else that has died that he has been close to was not a Christian either, so they are all in hell burning forever....his dear friends. He says he can't be bothered trying to picture the expression on his father's face right now as he screams and 'gnashes' his teeth...etc. That it just isn't true. Reality for him is that his father is just resting in peace, or maybe 'looking down' on him from some place happily. In my reality, sadly, he is burning in hell as he rejected Christ as his saviour and worshiped for the idol of money, fun and family and neglected any idea of a Father or Son or Holy Ghost. Am I wrong?

How on earth do we get through this together? I have no comfort for him and can't argue this fact, since this is what our bible says happens. Can anyone help, I really really need it.

THanks.

 

[allieisme]

Ohh.. sorry to say this sounds tough!
I'm going to pray on your situation before I make a post.

 

[kbean]

thanks. I think the first step is always prayer.

 

[crosstrainer]

I'll pray too. But I think you're right, and you may just have to pray for your husband to come to terms with this reality as tough as it seems now. We all have to face this bitter reality all because of sin, as Christians. Unless we deny God's true Word. Best to know you're not alone at least.

 

[Rafael]

Tell your husband that Christians do not have to judge other people and that God would be the best to have as judge - knowing all that He has given us in life and weighing things far more mercifully than any man. God could even have offered the truth to his father in the last seconds of his life with His awesome power. We do not know and are not supposed to do anything other than believe the best for others.

The reason his father died was because of sin coming into the world when Adam failed at the garden. God has fixed this sin and death issue forever through Christ and has bought us back from death. We are twice His. Now if your husband then complains as to why God would let man fall, then ask your husband if a painter of masterpieces could paint in all white. No, there has to be black to give outline and definition and color to give character. God created Lucifer and knew he would go bad, but God used that evil to give His special creation, man, a choice to love and obey God. Well, we know why God gave that choice. Whoever heard of forced love? There has to be a choice for love to exist, otherwise we would just be robots. God has used the darkness to show forth His own light - that we might be able to perceive and know who God is, and when all the Sons of God have been revealed against the backdrop of this evil world of sin and death, God will come and take us home with Him forever. Evil will done away with forever in the lake of fire.
So, your husband cannot use his father in hell as an excuse. We just don't know or put limits on God's love and mercy.

 

[crosstrainer]

Well said, very well said. Kbean, ignore my post raphe pt it better than me I"m just having a bad day.

 

[kbean]

Raphe I appreciate what you've said here and I'll try to eplain things this way to my husband, but can you help me to understand better your illustration of the painter and the character issue and how it applies here? Bare with me.... Do you meanto relate this illustration to the fact that everyone has a choice to believe and there will always be believers and non believers? I don't want to get off topic of my husband too far though it's my major concern here. Thanks

 

[kbean]

ps I understand your point about forced love and I will try to convey that to my husband. I will also try to remember that when I catch myself trying to push my husband to love God. Just can't be done I believe it's the work of the Holy Spirit.

 

[Rafael]

Raphe I appreciate what you've said here and I'll try to eplain things this way to my husband, but can you help me to understand better your illustration of the painter and the character issue and how it applies here? Bare with me.... Do you meanto relate this illustration to the fact that everyone has a choice to believe and there will always be believers and non believers? I don't want to get off topic of my husband too far though it's my major concern here. Thanks

Please excuse my spelling on the last post, and I would have given you some scriptures to meditate on, but I had to leave the computer and go with my father on a little errand.

Romans 9:22 gives us insight on why God had to allow and create evil - the antithesis of Himself, in that we could know Him as the light. Without darkness we would not perceive the light as being the greater. By giving man a choice and letting man fall into sin and death, God was able to show us His great love by Him redeeming us. He has actually given us eternal life with Him as family if we accept it. The painter illustration gives us some logic as to why God created evil and then even uses it to bring about good. Think about the greatest crime ever committed - the crucifixtion of the innocent Jesus. Now think what God did with this evil.....he gave salvation to all mankind. Yeah, evil thought it had won a victory by killing Jesus, the Son of God, but it actually signed its own death warrant and lost its authority on earth by killing an innocent Jesus. God raised Jesus as the first of many brethren. We follow after Jesus as brothers and sisters to someday meet in the sky with all the saints and to return and reign as judges over the earth with Jesus for a thousand years.

Ro 9:22 What if God, wanting to show His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath prepared for destruction,

Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.

Romans 5:18 Yes, Adam’s one sin brought condemnation upon everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness makes all people right in God’s sight and gives them life.

Ro 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
29 For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

Re 20:6 Blessed and holy is he that hath part in the first resurrection: on such the second death hath no power, but they shall be priests of God and of Christ, and shall reign with him a thousand years.

 

[Rafael]

Do you meanto relate this illustration to the fact that everyone has a choice to believe and there will always be believers and non believers? I don't want to get off topic of my husband too far though it's my major concern here. Thanks

No, I think the illustration lets us understand a little as to why God would risk letting evil exist in the first place. Only God sees theheart and knows the elect. We can believe in God's promises and stand on them (see scriptures below). That scripture in Romans 9:22 tells us that God suffers evils existence in the vessels of wrath only so that He can let His creation know who He is and HIs glory. We would not know the light without darkness, for now, but the day is coming when there will be no darkness and God will be the light of heaven. Trying to understand it all is just too much for words or even our imaginations, but God does give us some hints.
All life returns to God who is the one who gives it in the first place. Because He stands outside of time in eternity, He see the beginning to the end. He knows us and the wicked and our choices before we make them - but He allows them. He then can use all things together to bring about good for those that love Him and are the called according to His purpose. To everything, there is a purpose, and if we trust God, we can know that even bad things will work out to doing something good for us, as that scripture in Romans 8:28 tells us - one I remind myself of all the time.

Keep on being a good witness to your husband and sanctify your home, covering your family in prayer. Continue to petition God for your husbands salvation and wait for the perfect timing to speak. Meditate on God's Word and goodness - how He has risked it all, in a way, and even given His Son's death and pain for us. Encourage your husband and build Him up, especially lifting him up before the Lord in your prayers. I know that you do. Believe God for your family.
God bless....

1Co 2:9 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

Acts 16:31 They said, 'Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household.'

Acts 11:14 And he will speak words to you by which you will be saved, you and all your household.

Matthew 18:14 So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish.

Isaiah 44:3 For I will pour out water on the thirsty land and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring and My blessing on your descendants.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.

1 Peter 3:1-2 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

 

[Harry the Heretic]

Hi Kbean,


Let me first say that this is my opinion but it is a very strong one. Do not discuss bible or church, religion etc. with your husband unless he initiates it, and even then, keep it brief and to the point. It may be different for women but men, and especailly non believing (and even believing) husbands are full of pride. He will never admit he is wrong in his views if yours and his are constanly on the table. "A prophet has no honour in his own country". He will not accept your answers no matter how much truth is in them. Do you notice this pattern, it often times turn into him accusing the church, God, and even you? Don't go there. It just hardens his heart.

Your best bet is to influence him by your quiet conversation(manner of living) and give God a chance to draw him unto him. Pray for God to do so and have faith it will happen. I have never seen a wife convert her husband by teaching him, ever, and I have seen a lot of curcumstances like yours.

Peace to you

 

[kbean]

Yes, I was leaning toward this approach. I agree with the statement about me not being able to 'teach' him. And the pride statement too. There have been many areas in our marriage and life that we have conflicted on, such as homebirth with our most recent son, and homeschooling for our oldest. Both I am extremly passionate about, and I have only won on these issues by bullying him and insisting that we do things MY way. I couldn't take 'no' for an answer on these issues they were too important. (and his side of the argument was always based on fear of the unknown, ignorance or just plain prejudice, never on reality!!)

It is the same with the Christian faith. It is foreign and wacky to him (just like home birth etc. was until he trusted my judgment and confidence in it enough to try it) so it lead me for a while to believe that I could lead him to Christ just by making him 'try' it too! Not a chance. His heels are dug in deep on this one. So I can only consult my bible, and more knowledgeable than myself Christians on how to conduct myself in order to be a witness to him. Not by making him do anything, but by being a devoted Christian myseld and letting God do what is His job not mine! (I am looking like a control freak here...that may be just my problem).

My hugest issue is, when he comes up with big ones, like his father burning in Hell right now, I feel like that is my chance to open up the conversation and win him over. BUt I don't often have the answers he wants, or any answer at all, like in this case. THen I feel like I have actually gone backwards with him...gotta go, my little one is yelling for me sorry

 

[kbean]

I didn't really mean "win him over" in that last post. I know I can't do that, what I mean is help him understand what my faith is based on a bit better. I know like you said, I will never make him a Christian that is only done by our Holy Helper, God's Spirit. I guess I just don't know where to go from here. I did tell him last night that he doesn't have to think his dad is in Hell, since he could have accepted Christ into his heart on the death bed, we are not the ones to determine where someone has gone after death...only our wonderful, merciful God!

 

[JillLars]

kbean, the first step I believe is to admit that you don't have all the answers. You assume that you know where his father, and other relatives are spending eternity, and that is a major mistake. That is not your choice to make, and even if you have a hunch of where those people are at, ultimately it is God who makes that decision, and we will not know about it until the afterlife. Until your husband is able to see past this stumbling block, he will not be able to enter the faith. Unfortunately there is no easy way to get around it, none of us here on earth can explain it because it does seem unfair, and unjust, but it is God's system, not ours. So until, for himself, he is able to see past that and witness the glory of God, you will have to let the subject be. Trying to explain God's justice will most likely only make him more bitter and angry towards God. I will pray that your husband has a life changing experience that lets him see who God truly is.

 

[kbean]

kbean, the first step I believe is to admit that you don't have all the answers. You assume that you know where his father, and other relatives are spending eternity, and that is a major mistake. That is not your choice to make, and even if you have a hunch of where those people are at, ultimately it is God who makes that decision, and we will not know about it until the afterlife. Until your husband is able to see past this stumbling block, he will not be able to enter the faith. Unfortunately there is no easy way to get around it, none of us here on earth can explain it because it does seem unfair, and unjust, but it is God's system, not ours. So until, for himself, he is able to see past that and witness the glory of God, you will have to let the subject be. Trying to explain God's justice will most likely only make him more bitter and angry towards God. I will pray that your husband has a life changing experience that lets him see who God truly is.

Thanks for your prayers, it will be quite an adventure watching to see what does finally bring him around if it ever happens. Thanks so much for your insight.

 

[Harry the Heretic]

KBean,

I'm so happy to hear that you are homeschooling your children. (we are doing the same and at first met a lot of resistance from our parents) but now they think it's for the best, for they can see the results).

It's a little different when "battling" for your children or your pregnancy etc. Pride is not such an obstacle there, he is only trying to do what's best, but when it comes to him, it's the whole issue. I use to be like him. My father is like him. I know many like him. God is the only one who can tear down that wall, but he will. Don't give up hope and pray. If he is really bothered by that issue and not just debating, it might be good for him to talk with someone else about it. Just make sure it is with someone who is wise in Christ. A husband will usually have circle of friends, or at least aquatints, that his wife does. Keep him exposed to these people. Have them over for dinner, drag him to church fellowships (on the grounds that it is his duty as a husband, not his salvation) and one day he might ask or open up to one of them.

Peace to you

 

[desi]

Hello, I am in need of input from fellow Christians...

My husband is a non Christian and of course my greatest goal with him is to minister to him and witness for him in the most subtle but effective way...
which I am doing (though not as well as I should be).
But recently we came upon a huge block for him, that I think will be extremely difficult to get past on his path to finding faith. It is detrimental:

He wants to know how he could possibly believe in a God who:
1. didn't save his dad from cancer, he died a year and a half ago,
and most importantly even if he finds the answer to that question,

God didn't save his father because everyone dies.

then
2. how could he possibly enter a faith in which he has to believe that (as he goes about his day to day business in life) his father is writhing in hell this very moment (and forever) suffering beyond description being judged and condemned for eternity, because he was just a good man, but not a believer.

Jesus in the Bible says we are judged by our deeds. Faith without action is dead, contrary to contemporary lazy Christian groupthink. Noone knows who goes up and who goes down except God. Your husband has nothing to worry about unless he is mean to people. Jesus said what we do for the least of us we do for him, which means if you are kind to those less fortunate your ticket is punched.

 

[kbean]

God didn't save his father because everyone dies.


Jesus in the Bible says we are judged by our deeds. Faith without action is dead, contrary to contemporary lazy Christian groupthink. Noone knows who goes up and who goes down except God. Your husband has nothing to worry about unless he is mean to people. Jesus said what we do for the least of us we do for him, which means if you are kind to those less fortunate your ticket is punched.

I have never heard that before. What it sounds like you are saying is that deeds or works get us to Heaven, not simply by grace and faith? What do you mean by "your ticket is punched" by being nice?

 

[HumbleBee]

As for your hubby's Dad and dear friends...

1 Timothy 4:9-10 This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for this we labor and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe.

2 Corinthians 5:10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

In my humble opinion and because Jesus has not come back yet, tiz extremely presumptuous to claim that a non Christian who died IS b****** in h***. Mercy triumphs over judgment! Plus no one knows what Christ was doing in their spirit as they were passing away.

Matthew 25:31-33, 46 "When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, He will sit on His throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on His right and the goats on His left..."Then they will go away to eternal p*********, but the righteous to eternal life."

 

[kbean]

True, very true. And I have put my hope in the Living God, for what is my alternative?