HUGE Age Gap!

[eyeliv4God]

When you have no reservations about it is when you know the age gap won't become a problem.

I don't think I have reservations about it... I've just never dated a guy this old before... but he's got this amazing passion for God and life. I'm lovin' it!

 

[eyeliv4God]

While this man seems to be very much interested romatically in you, you do not (in your posts at least) come across as expressing the same amount of romantic interest in him.

I am very interested in Trav, I am just hesitant only for the reason that he is very geographically undesirable. I've been in long-distance relationships before and know they can and most likely will take a toll on someone. Only time will tell if I care about him enough to endure it again, but I'm leaning towards "yes". Travis has shown me nothing but kindness and a genuine interest and pursuit of me.

I would advise that you seriously take some time (before pursuing this relationship further) to analyze how you feel about this (as objectively as possible ) and attempt to discern why you feel this way? For example - do you feel the same way about this man as he does about you? Are you simply seeking companionship, something that could fufilled by just friends? Do you feel comfortable with this age gap? Do you feel that you guys are ok with your different stages in life? (Let's face it, this guy is almost twice your age, and as such has had a whole lot more life experiences/maturity, no matter how mature you might be for your age). These are some questions that you might want to pose to yourself.

I actually wasn't seeking any kind of companionship when he came along. I'm really focused on school and keeping my grades up, but like someone said earlier about her relationship with her beau, something just clicked. I'm really interested in him and hope to see things go in a good direction, romantically speaking. I just want to be cautious and take things slowly because I don't want to get my heart all caught up in this without using my head first.

Thank you, brother, for your wise advice.

 

[Leanna]

38 is too old. Have you thought about the long term implications? First, he's old enough to be your dad. I don't think a relationship with an age gap this large could survive a marriage UNLESS it started when the woman was 30 and the man 49. 19 years is too large. You are just starting your life and he is approaching retirement.

When you are 25 he will be 44. I am 25, and my dad is 49.

That also means when you are 45 he will be 64. I hate to be morbid, but there is a large possibility that means you will be alone after his death for many years.

Sure this works long distance, but I think in a real marriage it will never work and both parties will be frustrated. You are in different stages of life.

 

[eyeliv4God]

If you guys do get into a romantic relationship how do you plan on telling your parents about him if things get serious?

My mother knows and understands, although she's not as enthusiastic about it as I am, but I just know that when he comes to visit us, she'll adore him just as much as I do.

Also think about what it will be like to go to the movies with your friends and your date is old enough to be your dad.

I really don't care what my friends think about him. I'm in school and the people I hang out with are acquaintences more than anything. I won't be hanging around them 5-10 years from now; however, this might be a different story between Travis and me.

For the most part, such an age gap is socially unaccepted so be ready for criticism. I know you guys live far apart, but if things got serious enough, you'd have to meet in person. When people hear that your boyfriend is 38 and you met him on the internet they're automatically gonna assume that he's a pervert or a guy thats really desperate.

He's buying a plane ticket this week for me to come and visit him during December. Although he's not my boyfriend, we're heading in that direction. As far as other people knowing, it's really not their business unless I make it theirs, and I've only told a few close friends who were surprised, but comfortable. They just told me to be careful. Not everyone will assume he's a pervert or desperate. If they do assume that, it really doesn't matter to me because they don't know him like I do.

 

[eyeliv4God]

38 is too old. Have you thought about the long term implications?

Yes, I have. Trust me, I've spent days agonizing over this, writing out my feelings in journals, praying, etc.

First, he's old enough to be your dad.

But he's not.

I don't think a relationship with an age gap this large could survive a marriage UNLESS it started when the woman was 30 and the man 49.

The last thing on my mind is marriage. If it works out, great! If not, that's okay, too.

You are just starting your life and he is approaching retirement.

Approaching retirement?! LOL, Sister, don't you think that's a bit of an exaggeration?

 

[Leanna]

A bit, but its closer to the truth than anything....

This concerns me, "The last thing on my mind is marriage." I don't see how you can start dating someone and not even think about marriage. What is the point of dating if not to get to know someone to see if they are compatible? I think you SHOULD think about marriage and how this would work out.... I really don't believe it can work out with this big of an age difference, and so I don't see any point in your getting more emotionally attached to the guy.

 

[Peculiarone]

So what about 22 and 36?

 

[Galadriel]

Heh, I've been thro all this. I met my now husband on here, and I am 22 and he is 40. We get along very well, and so I think it depends upon the people in the relationship involved.

Some things...people are gonna be like "huh?" at the huge age gap. Its just something you have to learn to deal with. Also, I agree be careful about the "God is telling me...." because sometimes it can really be the person wanting the relationship so bad that they make it out to be "God is telling me this is right", be careful to not put words in God's mouth! I'm not saying your doing this, most likely not, just make sure and examine it and pray and such.

Also, heh I remember our first meetings in person were rather odd, just trying to get used to each other in person first. It takes time to get the relationship to where it was online. Just be careful and get to know him in person too.

I do not think that just because it is that big of an age gap that it means you two will have nothing in common or anything like that. Heck, I feel like I have way more in common with my husband than other 20 year olds, and this is just the way I am. We get along very well together, and there isn't that "fatherly" type relationship there. We are equals.

Just be sure and pray a lot and make sure your going into this with a level head, and get to know him very well.

 

[Galadriel]

38 is too old. Have you thought about the long term implications? First, he's old enough to be your dad. I don't think a relationship with an age gap this large could survive a marriage UNLESS it started when the woman was 30 and the man 49. 19 years is too large. You are just starting your life and he is approaching retirement.

When you are 25 he will be 44. I am 25, and my dad is 49.

That also means when you are 45 he will be 64. I hate to be morbid, but there is a large possibility that means you will be alone after his death for many years.

Sure this works long distance, but I think in a real marriage it will never work and both parties will be frustrated. You are in different stages of life.

I think it all depends on the people involved. There are those who have an even larger age gap than 19 years and they had a wonderful marriage.

You do have to consider that he may go before you do, but I figure that I would rather spend one good year (if it came to that) with my husband (who is 18 years my senior) than have missed out and not had him at all.
It really is up to chance when you and your spouse pass away. I could die within one year of him, or 10. My grandmother has been a widow for 10 years, and her husband was 2 years older than her. I don't think it can be said for death age because no one really knows.

Just offering an opinion from the other side...

 

[charligirl]

I have no problem with age gaps depending on the people involved, for some it is not an issue, for others it doesn't work - I actually don't think the age gap is the issue here. I wanted to pick up on a couple of things you said in your early posts which noone else has mentioned which concerns me more.

I do remember your past relationship and considering you were going to marry him and you only broke up 5 months ago then this is way to soon to be getting involved with another man, You need time to learn to be you again and develop your relationship with God without emotions for a man involved. You also say you feel like you are taking it slowly... you 'met' him online 4 months after you broke up with your fiance (based on you having known him a month) that's only 16 weeks and already you are talking every day online or on the phone. Being brutally honest that does not sound at all slow to me.

I have been involved in an online friendship with a man which quickly became an every day thing, and however great and honourable the man I don't think it is healthy to have that 'fix' every day. When you are typing your feelings and thoughts it is easy to quickly share much more than you would face to face, it can promote an artificial intimacy and does accelerate things.

God may have allowed you to meet so he could encourage you at this time and direct you back to Him.... God uses all sorts of situations to speak to us, it's not always His first choice but He will use whatever He needs to until we hear Him. Consider the possibility that He was calling you anyway and you just weren't answering... then you met Trav and so God ended up using Him as a way to reach you because you weren't responding to His other calls.

It's very seductive to meet a man on fire for God, if he is older that can also make him even more appealing - from all you have said I would proceed with extreme caution and take steps to put boundaries in place and protect yourself. Not because Trav is bad or a danger, but protect your own heart, you have just come out of a time where you have been away from God - and come out of a serious relationship. You have not spent any time as a single adult learning to develop your love for yourself and your relationship with God, and by time I mean at least a year... to embark on a relationship now may not be wisdom.

 

[B®ent]

I pray God will give you guidance. I won't say more than that, because it would be "just my opinion," and that isn't what matters here. What matters is whether the relationship is God's Will. God bless you,

Johannes

 

[Inperfected]

Sweetheart.

He is old enough to be your dad... I know many 20 year old dads. And thats how much older you said he was...