How's married life?

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

As I've said in other forums, 10 of my closest friends got married to their respective partners. None of them lived together before they were married, and none had sex with the respective partner beforehand, however they have all said they barely notice the difference after they got married.

This suprised me, cos I've always heard how marriage is such a HUGE adjustment (especially if you've never lived with him before, never had sex with him before, etc etc), yet all these guys have, in a way, shrugged their shoulders and gone 'not that much different than before, cept he's around all the time'.

Was it the same for you? Or was it a MAJOR adjustment?

Most have said they expected a massive adjustment and a 'surrealness', but haven't experienced it at all. Maybe it has to do with the fact that all of them had lived out of home before hitching (a brilliant idea, in my opinion).

So, how was the first year of marriage for you?

Sasch

 

[oldrooster]

Having been married before, and only having been married a month this time, this time was a far less adjustment than last time. This time we never had sex or lived together before marrage. It has been great, just the companionship alone is wonderful.....

 

[charligirl]

Hmmm, I married after 9 years of being single. We did not live together or sleep together before marriage and I have found the first year to be HUGELY surreal!! I still have 'Doh *smacks head* I'm married!!' moments Perhaps your friends are all younger though, that would make a difference, believe me when you have been praying and hoping for nearly a decade it's REALLY different.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I've been married a month and a half now but as we were living together for 2 and a half years before marrying married life hasn't been a big adjustment. However, looking back to when we first moved in together whilst it felt odd at first it didn't feel like a huge adjustment either. It was mainly just little things that felt odd like when I was living with my parents I ate whatever my mum cooked for dinner but when I moved out I realised "woo I have a choice now". Just little silly things like that. I think it didn't feel like such a huge change because we spent so much time with each other before we moved out anyway.

 

[IslandBreeze]

We didn't live together before we were married, and it was an adjustment, but not a huge one. We knew each other, so it wasn't like I was moving in with a stranger. Learning someone's bathroom habits (hubby spends at LEAST 1/2 an hour in the shower every single day) was interesting. When hubby's doing a #2 (he'd die if he knew I was sharing this--SSHHHH!!!), he spends around an hour in the bathroom. I didn't realize that until we got married, so shortly after we came home from our honeymoon, I started to realize he'd been in the bathroom a really long time. Over a half hour. I started getting upset, thinking maybe he'd had a heart attack or something (I'm a worrywart), and started banging on the door, crying. He finished his business, and opened the door laughing at me. So we've had a few moments like that--they were more funny than anything.

 

[bkg]

For me it was a HUGE adjustment, and I don't think I did it all that well. I needed more time to really become comfortable with the changes that it brought to my life and the new responsibilities. That being said, it was the best time in my life, and Marriage as whole is amazing.

One resource that I really like that I think is a great documentary and gives couples an idea of how to make the adjustment is "Marriage on the Rock" by Jimmy Evans. Really put a lot of things into perspective for me and gave me a lot of tools to do things differently after we are restored.

 

[jbaccus]

Island Breeze you crack me up!

But anyways, I would have to say it was a huge adjustment on some parts and little adjustments on others. But as you'll find out over time is that you will always continue to adjust certain things in your life. We had a child in high school, so there went the "having kids" adjustment. But we didn't move in with each other or get married until after high school. So switching from living as separate parents to living as a family under one roof took some compromise for both of us.

All in all, it has been a great ride. But, it's a different ride for everybody, so what might be a huge adjustment for one person might be a small adjustment for another.

 

[Jenna]

My husband and I lived together for a little while before we were married, due to my state of pregnancy. So, when we were first married, the adjustment stage had primarily been dealt with. Being that I come from an open family and never had any privacy to begin with, it was pretty easy for me. The real adjustment took place later on when things started to change because we both knew that the other one wasn't going to be going anywhere. Sometimes it brings security and comfort, and sometimes it breeds more negative behaviors. That took a little while to get through, but it happens. At least we learned some of our biggest lessons then, and hopefully won't repeat them.

 

[Leanna]

My husband and I didn't live together or have sex before we got married and it WAS a huge adjustment. I think you almost don't realize it until you look back later though. I always hated people asking us that first year "hows married life?" like we were going to say anything other than "good." (really, why do people ask that?) It was tough because I did things one way and he did them another, but if you would have asked me then I would have thought it was fine. Now I look back at our first year and I am amazed at some of the things we went through.

 

[Cordy]

I think we are adjusting all the time. When I am in a new environment, I have to adjust. I don’t usually find this difficult, so I guess I often don’t notice when I am having to do so. Starting married life felt very natural to me. I didn’t often feel as though I had difficulty accepting or working on things to accommodate married life. But I did feel a huge difference from being single to being married. Everything from having someone next to you at night, to bathroom habits, and being able to just go out and do whatever you want together was definitely different from before we were married. It was very exciting and fun, but not difficult to adjust to.

My husband, on the other hand, says otherwise. He found it quite an adjustment – although a good one. Unlike me who lived away from home for several years, he had been living at home until that time. He had no responsibilities in his household. He is the youngest and the favourite child (yeah, his parents actually admit that). He never cooked or cleaned, and his parents pampered him tried to always tell him how to think etc. I think his parents expected that married life would be pretty similar to living with them (Ie. I do everything), but we agreed this would not be the case. It was hard for him at first to get used to sharing his space with me and performing duties he had never had to do at home (ie. wash pots or grocery shop). But he really wanted to take the responsibility of making the house work load equal for us. So although it was sometimes hard at first, he loves it and tells me all the time he would not change it for the world.

 

[LiberatedChick]

I always hated people asking us that first year "hows married life?" like we were going to say anything other than "good." (really, why do people ask that?)

lol...I've no idea but it's so annoying.

 

[DaveKerwin]

The biggest adjustment is someone sleeping in your bed!

 

[Green Orchid]

I'm almost up to my first year of being married and love it.

When we got married, my hubby and I had lived for 3+ years on our own and much of that time in foreign countries. We didn't live together or sleep together before we got married.

When people ask me "How's married life?" I say that it doesn't make much of a difference except that we sleep in the same bed (etc. ).

I expected that it would be a little bit more exciting than "just the same", but we didn't have the "bubble" effect that newlyweds supposedly have. In a sense, it's good it was that way, because it wasn't much of an adjustment (except for having to teach him how to clean things so they are clean! hehe)

I guess it also depends on personality. I'm sure if my husband wasn't as easygoing as he is, he'd have trouble dealing with my stubborness and that would make for major adjustments! But it's all good...

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Green Orchid,

Your last 3 paragraphs basically summed up these girls I know. We're all fairly close, so they've been fairly honest about how it has been so far.

I guess it has something to do with the fact that every couple had lived out of home for a few years, so were quite used to having to do it all themselves, and not rely on someone else. There was one who'd slept in the same bed as someone before, but her reaction to having someone in the bed again was the same as the ones who hadn't.

It just surprised me that they were just so 'yeah, normal' after the honeymoon. Maybe cos we're all so busy nowadays, that you don't really have time to sit back and go, 'wow', you just keep going with all the regular stuff you had to do before the wedding.

Here's another thought. I went on a wedding/marriage forum, and a number of girls talked about this mini-depressive stage they went into AFTER the wedding, due to all the excitement of preparation dying down, and finding that it WAS rather normal to be married, rather than all surreal and changing.

Did anyone in here get that? I'm just trying to see if it is mainly non-Christian girls experiencing it, or if Christian girls do too.

 

[Green Orchid]

I had that little depressive stage.

 

[charligirl]

Here's another thought. I went on a wedding/marriage forum, and a number of girls talked about this mini-depressive stage they went into AFTER the wedding, due to all the excitement of preparation dying down, and finding that it WAS rather normal to be married, rather than all surreal and changing.

Did anyone in here get that? I'm just trying to see if it is mainly non-Christian girls experiencing it, or if Christian girls do too.

Depends on your outlook I think, I married after 16 week engagement, so there was no long- drawn out planning, we got married on a budget and I was pretty laid-back and unfussy about the plans, so much so that the florist was gobsmacked! I was like 'yeah that's nice, those roses will do' rather than planning whether they matched the grooms mum's hanky and knickers or something lol

For me the marriage was the important exciting thing, yes I wanted the day to be nice but I wasn't overly fussed about all the details. Unlike my non-chirtsina cousins who have been together 10 years and have just had this 'fairytale' wedding that cost the earth, they could well get back off their honeymoon to a bump of debts, and life being exactly the same.

Again I think age has somethingto do with it. If you desire marriage and marry in your early 20's then it could easily seem normal.. the natural progression, just what you expected. However, if you expected that would be the case with you and then were single with no prospect of marriage for 10 years, it really is WOW I'M MARRIED!!!!!!

 

[LiberatedChick]

Here's another thought. I went on a wedding/marriage forum, and a number of girls talked about this mini-depressive stage they went into AFTER the wedding, due to all the excitement of preparation dying down, and finding that it WAS rather normal to be married, rather than all surreal and changing.

Did anyone in here get that? I'm just trying to see if it is mainly non-Christian girls experiencing it, or if Christian girls do too.

I didn't really get that after the wedding...though I thought I would after spending 9 months actually organising it and about 5 years actually thinking about it all lol. Before the wedding I kept thinking "Oh my...I'm doing all this planning now and thinking about it all and talking about it all that afterwards I'm going to be sooooo bored...I'll have nothing to do!". But after the wedding I didn't really get that at all...it wasn't like the sudden halt to everything wedding-related that I thought it would be. After getting back from our honeymoon we still had presents to open, photographs to develop, mementos to store and thank you letters to write so it ended up being a slow wind down to the whole thing. Though I must admit I went into super-cleaning mode and I think that may have been a result of it i.e. got no planning to do thus I shall clean! My husband came home from work the other day to find that I'd emptied the bin, washed up, cleaned the kitchen, warmed the oven up and was then going to cook him dinner. He was like "Wow...are you Superwife or something?" lol

 

[bkg]

I believe my wife went through a depressive stage, and I did as well. You spend so much time dating, falling in love and getting engaged... then 9 months of planning a huge wedding, small honeymoon and then... well... then we didn't have a project. We didn't have anything to "complete". We just now had the wonderful opportunity to just live life and enjoy each other. But in some sense, that was a let down - the lack of a 'project' left each of us, to an extent, feeling kind of akward and sad.

 

[flyin high]

I have been married a little over a year and it's been a roller coaster to say the least. From the wedding and honeymoon to moving in together, to having to rely on each other for everything...it's been a little nuts.

The biggest adjustment for me was the fact that I had someone to think about whenever I made a decision. It's hard after being independent all your life to realize that the decisions that you make not only effect you, but another person who means the world to you.

The other hard thing was that it actually felt like we saw each other less after we got married because we were both so busy! When we were dating we had to MAKE an effort to see each other each day because we weren't living together. Once we were married I think that we took for granted that we lived in the same house and so we didn't make as much time for each other.

We are still adjusting, but it's been alot of fun!

 

[selune]

I feel both a profound "Wow I'm married" still after 10 years and a "This is so normal and ordinary don't remember what it was like before" mentality. I'm so comfortable with my husband and yet so in awe that he loves me.