You guys are funny, and you've BOTH been so helpful. Thank you very much.
I'm sorry that I just left this thread yesterday. I really couldn't write anymore. I worked myself into a frenzy, and needed time to calm down before I posted anything else. But I'm a little calmer today, so maybe I can go on.
You asked about my daughter and how I've become astringed from her. I'll start off with that this morning. (I do have a meeting soon, so I may not be able to get through it all) My daughter (both of them) has always been a very good girl. Very much on fire for God. Very loving, and very sensitive. They've both always longed for a more meaningful relationship with my husband, just like I have. She's never really gotten along with the other kids from church. She's always been pulled towards the underdogs. She would take her bible to school in order to witness to these people. I always thought that her calling might be to go into ministry. The three of us have always been very close. I've tried my hardest to make up for the lack of attention they got from their dad. Because of this lack of attention on my part I sort of made them my number one priority. My girls are my life, and I love them so very much.
Anyhow, when my daughter entered High School she got into the wrong crowd. She was tired of being so unpopular, and always being picked on by the other kids. She met this boy and started becoming very close to him. He was bad. Very very bad. She lost her virginity to this boy because she wanted so badly to be loved by him. He's the type of boy that thinks of sex as a hand shake. It's very common for him to do it with someone, but it doesn't mean a thing. Her grades started dropping, she started cutting school. She even started not wanting to go to church anymore. It got to the point that I hardly knew her. She became angry, sick, and lazy. Numerous times she tried breaking up with this boy, but for some reason, she always came back. Once she broke up with him and he threatened to come to our house and kill her. Not only her, but me along with her, because I'm the one who was trying to keep them apart. Yes, I called the police. They brushed it off as a teenger in love. But she went back, and things went from bad to worse. I tried desperately to get my husband involved, but he didn't want to bother. Instead he would tell me what to do, and have me punish her. Of course because I had to do the punishing, recent for me grew to the point where she almost hated me. In fact, I was reading some of her stuff one day, and that's what they were filled with. Hatred towards me, and how she was planning on running away with this boy. Talking to his parents didn't help. Talking to the police didn't help. At this time I didn't know she was having sex with him.
Every summer she goes out of state to spend a month or so with her sisters. My husbands older daughters from his previous marriage. After she left is when I started going through her things and found out she had been having sex with this boy, and of how much she hated me. I also found beer cans in her bedroom, and her window screen under her bed. I had to do something. I love her so much that I couldn't just sit there and allow her to ruin her life over this boy. So I told her she couldn't come back home. That decision killed me. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It wasn't done out of anger, or because I don't love her. But instead it was done out of LOVE. But because I've had to make this decision, I've been told by his children what an awful mother I am. That because I sent her away that I must not love her. My husband even tells me that I was the one who sent her away, so I have no say so in anything else. He's even told me that I'm not to call her and bother her. That if she wants to talk to me, she'll call me. It's killing me inside to think that she is being told that I don't love her. That I'm not a good mom. I want so bad to get her back. I want so bad for her to love me again. But how can she when everyone she is close to tells her that I'm the bad one? She'll call now and talk to her dad. That's good in a way, because she's getting closer to him, but it's also breaking my heart that's she's getting more distant from me. Life isn't fair. My girls were my life. I gave them every ounce of love I had within me. My oldest daughter married and moved out of the country in June. The following week I had to send my youngest away. Within a week I lost both my girls. And now I have no one. I come home at night and sit alone. Even when my husband is home, I still sit alone. He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't take me out. He doesn't care about how bad I'm hurting inside. All he cares about is himself.
Yesterday I got some pretty hateful emails from one of his daughters. I printed them, and gave them to my husband last night. They've always tried to split us up. They tell him things that are so unreal that I can't believe he actually believes them, but he does. So I gave him the emails last night, and what does he do? He starts yelling at me because I must have done something to them again to deserve it. He gets mad because he thinks I'm always trying to come between them, and that's just not true! All I want is for him to see that it isn't me who is the one being mean. That I'm not the big bad step mother that I've always been described as. I want him to be on my side for a change. For him to hold me, and tell me that he believes I'm not bad. I don't know why he even stays married to me if he thinks that I'm such a monster. I just don't understand!
Can't write anymore. Sorry.
