How would you feel...........

[lunalinda]

I would have to agree. If we whine about how ugly and fat we are all of the time, eventually our SOs are going to think "So why am I with this ugly, fat girl?"

I partially agree. Except my ex wouldn't ask why he was with this fat, ugly girl (except I didn't complain about my fatness or ugliness; I complained about my boringness or his probable lack of interest in hanging around me) He'd ask why I don't look at myself the way he does. He'd be insulted if I insult myself, because my view on myself would put his own view down, making what he thought of me as less important than what I thought of myself. Basically, he'd get mad, yes, but not to the point of asking himself why he's even with me. He'd just get mad that I didn't hold his opinion about me over my own. So perhaps it just depends on the person, and how determined they are to be with someone, that even the peron attacking themselves isn't enough to fend them off.

Oyyy...I'm not making sense. Very sleepy.

EDIT: yet AGAIN, I made the new page. Eery how that keeps happening now hehe.

 

[FatBurger]

Men get tired of hearing how ugly and fat their girlfriends/wives think they are. And yes, they will move on to someone who thinks better of themselves if they have to hear that garbage all the time. It's not only self-destructive, it's destructive all around.

I don't agree with the "...they will move on...", but otherwise this is completely correct. Well, let me clarify: it does happen, but isn't always the case. I've talked to a couple of guys that got sick of hearing their girlfriend talk down on themselves, but it certainly doesn't always happen, and I know I would never leave someone for a reason like that.

It's infuriating trying to convince someone they're beautiful (and you really think they are) when they refuse to accept it. It makes it really difficult to keep trying. An accepted compliment makes me feel loved and wanted, but a "No I'm not, I'm fat and ugly" would make me feel unloved, unwanted, and as if my opinion and feelings don't matter.

And besides that, a compliment is a gift. Imagine wanting to give someone the perfect birthday gift. You spend time thinking about what they would like, and what would make them happy. Then you go to every store imagineable to find exactly what you want to give them. You finally find it, and carefully wrap it for them, and give them the present, excited to see their reaction.
...then they throw it on the ground and tell you that it's a stupid present and you obviously don't know them at all.

That's how it feels to try and convince someone they're beautiful and have them refuse to accept it.


Don't get me wrong, I don't want to come across narrow minded. There are certainly times when men don't appreciate the woman in their life like they should. But there are also times when they genuinely do, and she just can't accept it.


Here's my point:
Try and trust him, and believe that he really does love and care for you, and think you're beautiful. If you can, then I don't think you'll be worried about him checking out other women (unless of course he actually is, which is another problem).

 

[brokenbyHislove]

In many ways, I do agree with all of you. Girls complaining about themselves is not attractive. I've repented of it myself, thought it is a slow process.

I'll tell ya, tho. I was so confident in my boyfriend and his love for me that when he told me how he was feeling it totally caught me off guard. Now most of my insecurity, personally, stems from the fact that he actually felt less attracted to me.

I think girls need to be more confident, I do. But I still wouldn't say that when a girl gets jealous of her man looking at other women, she should just get over it, and repent of her jealousy. It can hurt, too! Even if you are confident.

*sighs* I dunno how I feel about this anymore. Everyone makes a good point. Blah.

 

[FatBurger]

IBut I still wouldn't say that when a girl gets jealous of her man looking at other women, she should just get over it, and repent of her jealousy. It can hurt, too! Even if you are confident.

Oh I agree with you, and I think there are plenty of guys who aren't careful enough with where they look, or (even worse) just don't care.

 

[sculpturegirl]

I guess I just don't worry about my sweetie looking at other bums because he and I both know how cute mine is!!

 

[brokenbyHislove]

I guess I just don't worry about my sweetie looking at other bums because he and I both know how cute mine is!!

LOL, that's awesome.

But even some girls who have super cute bums have men who look elsewhere. I think sometimes the problem does NOT lie in the girl or her lack of confidence, but in the guy's wandering, unsatisfied eyes....

and sometimes it lies in the complaining of an unconfident girlfriend.

Now, which is more often to blame???

 

[inrsoul]

Anyway, coming from my own POV, seriously girl.... you've got a real problem in your hands if your man stops lookin' at women totally..

again, let us remind ourselves that it takes two to tango, there is nothing wrong with taking some time to make yourself look good for your man. it's not about being superficial or vain... for if you look good your man looks good too.

 

[kiora]

well said

 

[Katty]

I have to agree that the second glance is what would worry me. Not a cop-out at all nor am I excusing a guy's behavior, but it IS how a guy is wired.

At the end of the night, I'm the one he's taking home.

~Katty