How would you feel...........

[loved]

..........If your SO told admitted to looking at other women's bottoms whilst in a relationship with you?


My SO admitted that he's looked at a few (we've been dating a year).

Would you feel grateful that he's only looked at a few in a whole year?

And that he hadn't cheated or ever will?

Or would you be hurt that he looked at all?



Or am I just being stupid and paranoid? Lol

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Okay, so he's allowed his eyes to wander. Instead of sharing it with you, causing you unnecessary pain and insecurity, he should have repented for his lustful glances. Maybe you should let him know you were prefer him not sharing when he casts a wandering look at a woman instead, he should pray. I'm sorry this has hurt you. You're reacting the way most women would.

 

[loved]

I asked him , just out of curiostity and he was honest with me.

 

[goat37]

Hmm... my girlfriend flat out asks me what I think of other women as they walk by, on occasion..

I don't stare or gawk (or even turn my head most of the time) but if an attractive female walks by, I do notice...

I will be honest though... if he told you it's a few, it's probably more than a few... probably a few on a daily basis. But I will tell you that it is 100% possible to glance at an attractive female without sexually impure thoughts. If I take a look at an attractive girl, that's usually where it ends "hmm... she's quite pretty..." end of story.

My advice would be to get over it, you'll never find a guy whose eyes will stay permanently glued to the ground with the exception of the time he spends with you, and then only look at you... You've got nothing to feel insecure about, I promise.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Oh so you asked him, he didn't just come out and confess? Well, my credo is "don't go looking for things you don't really want to know". It's like people who snoop through their SO's emails or cell phone call lists and gasp "they've got another girl's number in their cell phone!". You will always find out exactly what you didn't want to know. Some things are better left unsaid, even in a serious Christian relationship. You would certainly want to know if your SO was cheating, but asking a guy if he looks at other women is a loaded question. They may be Christians, but they haven't had their eyes gouged out. Men see beautiful women all day, every day. They will all look. It's when they do the second take and ogle a woman up a down is when it becomes a sin. Of course, as women we tend to get jealous and think "if he's satisfied with me why would he look at other women?". Simply put, because they're men and men are visual creatures by design.

Has anything else come up that would cause you to ask that question? Has he given you reason to distrust him?

 

[Iggster]

We're men. It's that simple. Some of us may try not to look. But we often do.........Looking is not a sin. But lusting for another's flesh is. In other words," We can look at the menu. But we can't order."

 

[halifaxhoney]

It doesn't bother me when my boyfriend looks. He's not that obvious about it anyway. I've only caught him twice in three years lol...

 

[sculpturegirl]

Heck, even I look at other bottoms. But, as a woman, I compare them to my own LOL!

He looked at a few? I say, big deal, but he should be doing it in front of you, talking at length about it, cheating or looking at porn. Noticing a few bottoms is not enough to get yourself to overwrought!

 

[lunalinda]

I'd be like, "What mine's not good enough for you? HMPH!" He then would get defensive, but I'd cross my arms and pout. He'd hug me and insist no one could ever mean more to him than me, but I'd sniffle and shoo him away. He'd persist in how he feels blah blah blah...and thus...his attention is back on me. The girl he had his eye on would have surely walked away by then and we'd be all snuggly, quite back on track lol.

All joking aside, though, it'd bother me, yeah. I know that I can be the jealous type. Not insanely jealous, mind you, but eh...just jealous. I'd want to be the only one he sees. BUT, I don't want to be a hypocrite, so though that's what I want, I don't outright demand it. I don't see myself getting ticked off if he'd glance at another pretty girl. I'd get jealous, sure, but then...I would hope he would as well if I were to see another cute guy and he notices me see him. And give me that play pout like..."What, Linda...I'm not good enough for you? Nooooo!" That'd be cute actually, my guy being jealous even when he knows he's the one for me. I wonder what that's like....

 

[Warrior Poet]

Cats eat rats.
By nature cats eat rats... its part of what is programmed in them. Part of their makeup, so to speak. Looking is just part of how we are wired. Its not an excuse and its not meant to be one either, there are some guys who dont or very very seldom, like my friend Luis, look. But there are those that look at EVERYTHING, like my buddy Skeet. What it really boils down to IMO is that the first look can be pawned off as instinct the second look... tis trouble, to put it lightly.
The other thing I see is that if it is having a negative impact on you your man has failed to build you up. I dated a girl a long time ago that was very very awesome. She had a confidence issue which was not apparent on the surface. If I looked she noticed and made it known she saw me, I was not doing something right if the first look warranted a comment. Sooooooo........ where do you go from there.. the problem had been pin pointed, from that point on it was one of my goals to break her from that. It took a while but it turned into sessions of people watching and lots of great conversation. While your man is wired the way he is, he also has a responsibility to his lady, instead of trying to work around the problem, and avoid it, he needs to get proactive in his problem solving.
But at the end of the day cats still eat rats.

I can see how this analogy could rile a few young ladies up * tips hat* my apologies ahead of time.

Warrior Poet

 

[loved]

I'd be like, "What mine's not good enough for you? HMPH!" He then would get defensive, but I'd cross my arms and pout. He'd hug me and insist no one could ever mean more to him than me, but I'd sniffle and shoo him away. He'd persist in how he feels blah blah blah...and thus...his attention is back on me. The girl he had his eye on would have surely walked away by then and we'd be all snuggly, quite back on track lol.

All joking aside, though, it'd bother me, yeah. I know that I can be the jealous type. Not insanely jealous, mind you, but eh...just jealous. I'd want to be the only one he sees. BUT, I don't want to be a hypocrite, so though that's what I want, I don't outright demand it. I don't see myself getting ticked off if he'd glance at another pretty girl. I'd get jealous, sure, but then...I would hope he would as well if I were to see another cute guy and he notices me see him. And give me that play pout like..."What, Linda...I'm not good enough for you? Nooooo!" That'd be cute actually, my guy being jealous even when he knows he's the one for me. I wonder what that's like....

DITTO

 

[Sketcher]

Well, if I had a girlfriend who looked at other women's butts, we'd have ourselves a little talk about her sexuality

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

Ah TwistedSketch! Women are more competitive in nature than men. If we ogle a woman it's merely to assess (no pun intended) what our competition looks like.

 

[brokenbyHislove]

I'll tell you what happened/is currently happening to me.

My boyfriend began to look at other women, especially when at work. Just checking them out and stuff. At the same time, I was gaining weight, just a bit, as I entered University. I began to complain constantly about how I looked. Eventually things began to feel less intimate and he never wanted to kiss me or hold me.

One day he came to me and confessed that he had been feeling less attracted to me. He said it was because he had been selfishly looking at other women, but I've no doubt that my own complaining helped him to see me in a less attractive. Which is no excuse, however.

I really don't know how I feel about this, but he has confessed everything to me and to God, and I have forgiven him. But the hurt still lingers and makes me wary of him all the time.

I'd say that when men look at other women, it can go way too far. It can become a standard of comparison. Now, this may not always be the case, because in all honesty, people look at other people all the time. I do it too. But I'd say that harm can definitely come from his checking out other girls and you should definitely talk to him about it. Spending too much time looking can have so many negative consequences.

And when it comes to the question, 'How would you feel?' Well, I felt hurt and disrespected, worthless, ugly and fat. It sucked. And it still sucks.

Just remember that as a child of God, you are loved and wonderful just as you are, just as the Father created you, and if the one you are with is not satisfied with you, then he just may not be the one for you.

 

[plum]

i've had a talk or two with my SO about this. we agree that if we see someone else that is attractive, it's okay to say so. like we were both watching the same show on tv and he says "wow she's hot." and i go "yeah, she is." no problem. i told him that i want him to be the only man i go to for satisfaction (when we're married) and he wants me to be the only woman he goes to for satisfaction also. we talked about how that is mental AND physical...

i guess i'm just saying it takes communication and honesty. i told him i don't want him to hide anything from me and i won't hide one thing from him. if it affects our relationship, it's out in the open. period. because that's how we deal with things- long talks and prayer. i hope that it works.

 

[Sketcher]

Ah TwistedSketch! Women are more competitive in nature than men. If we ogle a woman it's merely to assess (no pun intended) what our competition looks like.

So it's window shopping for your fantasy butt, to replace your own butt with? Wishing your own butt was like their butt?

 

[IslandBreeze]

Some of you need to repent of your jealousy. Your man is with you, right? Why the insecurity? BTW--news flash--your man has eyes. You expect him to not appreciate beauty? If there were a beautiful sunset, would you expect him not to look, or would you get jealous that he thinks the sunset is more beautiful than you? My husband looks at other women all the time. Big deal; I do too. Human beings are beautiful (some more than others ) If a woman is beautiful (or if a man is beautiful) what's so bad about appreciating that beauty?

 

[brokenbyHislove]

Some of you need to repent of your jealousy. Your man is with you, right? Why the insecurity? BTW--news flash--your man has eyes. You expect him to not appreciate beauty? If there were a beautiful sunset, would you expect him not to look, or would you get jealous that he thinks the sunset is more beautiful than you? My husband looks at other women all the time. Big deal; I do too. Human beings are beautiful (some more than others ) If a woman is beautiful (or if a man is beautiful) what's so bad about appreciating that beauty?

But innocent 'appreciating beauty' is one thing. This can lead to many other things. Would it be alright for a man to watch television shows that show lots of cleavage shots and butt shots, claiming that he is 'appreciating the beauty' of God's creation, and then what if he starts watching pornography? Is he merely appreciating the beauty of the human creation?

It is one thing for someone to have an appreciation for what God has created. But I rarely think that is where it stops. I don't think it was just my boyfriend either. I've had many a friend who was dumped by an ex who started dating someone more attractive.

God created us to appreciate beauty! But we are also lustful creatures, and I don't think that checking others out is a practice that anyone should celebrate. I just don't think it can lead anywhere good. But that's just my opinion.

 

[IslandBreeze]

But innocent 'appreciating beauty' is one thing. This can lead to many other things.

"Can" doesn't mean "absolutley will."

It is one thing for someone to have an appreciation for what God has created. But I rarely think that is where it stops. I don't think it was just my boyfriend either. I've had many a friend who was dumped by an ex who started dating someone more attractive.

Dig deeper. I'd bet a whole lot of money the "more attractive" girl was way more confident and didn't sit around nagging her boyfriend about looking at other women.

God created us to appreciate beauty! But we are also lustful creatures, and I don't think that checking others out is a practice that anyone should celebrate. I just don't think it can lead anywhere good. But that's just my opinion.

An opinion I have to disagree with. If more women were confident with themselves, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I'd be so bold to say most who share your opinion are jealous and sorely lacking in the confidence area. You use the potential of temptation of pornography as an attempt to justify your disrespect for yourself. Men get tired of hearing how ugly and fat their girlfriends/wives think they are. And yes, they will move on to someone who thinks better of themselves if they have to hear that garbage all the time. It's not only self-destructive, it's destructive all around.

 

[sculpturegirl]

So it's window shopping for your fantasy butt, to replace your own butt with? Wishing your own butt was like their butt?

It is just how women are, I cannot explain it. We can compliment one another's bums and not think anything of it, but you don't see guys doing that. It is more, "Wow, girl, you have beautiful breasts! I wish mine more more like that." Again, cannot explain it, just the way we are.

An opinion I have to disagree with. If more women were confident with themselves, we wouldn't even be having this conversation. I'd be so bold to say most who share your opinion are jealous and sorely lacking in the confidence area. You use the potential of temptation of pornography as an attempt to justify your disrespect for yourself. Men get tired of hearing how ugly and fat their girlfriends/wives think they are. And yes, they will move on to someone who thinks better of themselves if they have to hear that garbage all the time. It's not only self-destructive, it's destructive all around.

I would have to agree. If we whine about how ugly and fat we are all of the time, eventually our SOs are going to think "So why am I with this ugly, fat girl?" When at one time he tought you were beautiful. I don't think that I am gorgeous or anything, but have some confidence (after much healing in my life) and know that even IF FH looks at another girl's bum, he has a beautiful woman who has pledged to be his wife! He certainly appreciates it.