How to win friends ...

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Jenster said:

In 1936, Dale Carnegie published a now-famous book, "How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies." I want to know if you think his advice is still on the mark (if so, how) or if it's outdated (and how?).

Here's a summary of the first part of the book from a Web site:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Here's what I think: People these days are more looking for friends with personality than people who, for example, are willing to listen to you talk about flyfishing. Also, people feel closer to friends who are willing to razz them, not people who are just agreeable all the time.

Your thoughts?

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Jenster said:

In 1936, Dale Carnegie published a now-famous book, "How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies." I want to know if you think his advice is still on the mark (if so, how) or if it's outdated (and how?).

Here's a summary of the first part of the book from a Web site:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Here's what I think: People these days are more looking for friends with personality than people who, for example, are willing to listen to you talk about flyfishing. Also, people feel closer to friends who are willing to razz them, not people who are just agreeable all the time.

Your thoughts?

Click to expand...

Jenster said:

In 1936, Dale Carnegie published a now-famous book, "How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies." I want to know if you think his advice is still on the mark (if so, how) or if it's outdated (and how?).

Here's a summary of the first part of the book from a Web site:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Here's what I think: People these days are more looking for friends with personality than people who, for example, are willing to listen to you talk about flyfishing. Also, people feel closer to friends who are willing to razz them, not people who are just agreeable all the time.

Your thoughts?

Click to expand...

fishstix said:

I could see the name one getting irritating. It would annoy me if someone used my name a whole lot. The others sound reasonable.

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intricatic said:

However, whenever I hear the quote "How to win friends..." I think of going to a carnival and playing a ring toss game to win a friend from off a shelf or something...

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intricatic said:

Now, whether it's good for making general friends, or good friends is definitely debatable.

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Jenster said:

LOL! I can hear it now ... "Step rrrright up! Your chance to win a friend for only a quarter! Step rrright up!"

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Excellent point. Seems like there's definitely a "chemistry" factor that goes into developing a GOOD friend.

Good thoughts everyone!

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Jenster said:

In 1936, Dale Carnegie published a now-famous book, "How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies." I want to know if you think his advice is still on the mark (if so, how) or if it's outdated (and how?).

Here's a summary of the first part of the book from a Web site:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Here's what I think: People these days are more looking for friends with personality than people who, for example, are willing to listen to you talk about flyfishing. Also, people feel closer to friends who are willing to razz them, not people who are just agreeable all the time.

Your thoughts?

Click to expand...

LOVEthroughINTELLECT said:

I don't "make" friends. I am certainly not going to try to "win" friends.

Like I always say, spontaneity is the way!

So is that what people really do? People really set out to deliberately "make" friends? If that is what people do, then maybe the ideas offered in the book work.

If I was to move to a city, state or even country that was completely new to me I would not set out to "make" friends. I would do what I have always done: Let social interactions take their course, and intervene in that course at opportune times.

The pop-psychology industry, it seems to me, tells us to manufacture opportunities. Spontaneity--at least the view that I have developed and that I call spontaneity--, on the other hand, is about intervening when windows of opportunity present themselves. Manufacturing opportunities by using the right language, being in the right place at the right time, consciously dialoguing rather than monologuing, etc., etc. is one thing. Allowing things to take their course and then intervening at opportune times in that course is quite another.

Of course, if one wants a large quantity of friends for the sake of having a large quantity of friends, then maybe one should deliberately "make" friends. But I think that what most people want are rewarding relationships. And although I am not a Psychology PhD, I think that it is safe to say that the net number of "friends" isn't significant with respect to health and happiness. Or am I supposed to believe that if I have 10 friends that my life will change significantly by suddenly having only 9 friends or suddenly having 11 friends?

However, if we are not talking about developing rewarding relationships--if we are simply talking about networking and making a lot of social contacts--then the advice given in the book is probably as good as any.

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OhhJim said:

I read the book in the late seventies. I think it's an awesome book, and should be required reading.

Incidentally, over the years, I have recommended the book to several people who have posted on internet forums that they don't have many friends, and would like to have a better social life. Invariably, these people have found fault with the book, some going so far as to claim it is "manipulative"! Considering that these were people who didn't have many friends, I thought that attitude spoke volumes; a bit like the Buffalo Bills criticising a book on how to win the Super Bowl!

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intricatic said:

Actually bro, the book is talking about how to develop rewarding relationships through showing mutual interest in other people, rather than focusing on your own ego in conversations.

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OhhJim said:

Incidentally, over the years, I have recommended the book to several people who have posted on internet forums that they don't have many friends, and would like to have a better social life. Invariably, these people have found fault with the book, some going so far as to claim it is "manipulative"!

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renaistre said:

Hey, didn't the Buffalo Bills win a Super Bowl... like 15 years ago?

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