How to tell if you are in love, not lust?

[Goodbook]

What is the difference, what are the signs of love?

Is your heart beating faster mean you are in love when you think about this person or is it lust?

What about blushing?

Or dreaming about that person? What if this person doesn't know and how can they know? Do you tell them, or is there a secret sign? Help! What if you love them but it seems like they just lust you instead? Is it different for man and women?

 

[aiki]

"Love can't wait to give. Lust can't wait to get."

Selah.

 

[timf]

Here is a link that describes the difference between "falling in love" and Christian love;

Christian Pioneer - What is falling in love?

Hope it helps

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

What is the difference, what are the signs of love?

Is your heart beating faster mean you are in love when you think about this person or is it lust?

What about blushing?

Or dreaming about that person? What if this person doesn't know and how can they know? Do you tell them, or is there a secret sign? Help! What if you love them but it seems like they just lust you instead? Is it different for man and women?

A very good book to read on how to tell its love and not just lust is this book : Finding a Lasting Love: Friendship, Romance, Commitment: Dick Purnell: 9780736910804: Amazon.com: Books . Get a used copy for $.01 plus shipping.

Typically, here is the order of things happening :

1. You meet someone for the first time and have some conversation.
2. After this initial meeting and more meetings, you can see that you have alot in common and a 'connection' is starting to take place based on getting along good when you are together .
3. During this process thus far, you (or both of you) find the Other physically appealing to some degree and because you have connected emotionally , the ENTIRE PERSON including their physical attributes are appealing to you. For the male, his sexuality is heightened when he looks at her because he is wired by God with an apparatus which is stimulated by the shape of a females body. For the female, she may or may not feel the same way physically...but more often than not, her focus will be on the INNER person that you portray and will include honesty, sensitivity, attentiveness, validating her responses, kindness, and comfortability being around you.
4. As time goes on and your friendship deepens, there typically occurs a sense of 'OWNERSHIP' ...that is... you want to become more of an Item than keep it where its been thus far. This is typically a time when sexuality starts kicking into high gear for both of you with the fueling attributes i mentioned above already... and its going to be very important and necessary to stay within the sexual boundaries that God has setup for you both. These are for your own good and hers, plus, not to harm your personal relationship with God (because it shall if you become uncontrolled and lax) .

Essentially, that is the fundamental process of what takes place with Lust. WHere real LOVE comes into play, is when alot of time has passed spending valued time together / shared experiences / shared secrets / shared respect / etc... and...when you get to the point where you conclude that your life would be severely at a loss if that other person were suddenly no longer a part of the equation. Its when you KNOW you have graduated beyond the Lust Stage and you start thinking lifelong commitment because what this person has come to mean to you. You know its genuine because you havent rushed the feelings, situation, commitment , or placed stress on the Other (or Yourself) to hurriedly move the relationship faster than what it should go -- you have allowed it to naturally take its course and it has ended up in a deep profound Love which is backed up by solid commitment and a lifelong desire to never be seperated again. Most of all, you have constantly ran the entire process thru Gods loving filter, and you know that you know you have recieved Gods will and blessing to move it to the final step of a marriage in his presence and for his glory as a lifelong Union.

Did that help you any ?

 

[parsley]

WHere real LOVE comes into play, is when alot of time has passed spending valued time together / shared experiences / shared secrets / shared respect / etc... and...when you get to the point where you conclude that your life would be severely at a loss if that other person were suddenly no longer a part of the equation. Its when you KNOW you have graduated beyond the Lust Stage and you start thinking lifelong commitment because what this person has come to mean to you. You know its genuine because you havent rushed the feelings, situation, commitment , or placed stress on the Other (or Yourself) to hurriedly move the relationship faster than what it should go -- you have allowed it to naturally take its course and it has ended up in a deep profound Love which is backed up by solid commitment and a lifelong desire to never be seperated again. Most of all, you have constantly ran the entire process thru Gods loving filter

Once you do this, you don't need to discern between "in love" and "in lust."

Look at whether involvement with this person will help you proceed through your life goals. If you have no goals, then don't hook up with anyone until you figure some out. Otherwise they will steer everything toward their own, and you will be defenseless ... not entering as a whole person with whole opinions that matter.

Do not go along for the ride. Create and direct the ride.

There is a little bit of lust in every "in love" -- the human instinct is built into us to want, crave attention from the other person, and want closure in the relationship. If that controls your every waking minute, then it is not productive and probably not healthy.

 

[Fireinfolding]

"Love can't wait to give. Lust can't wait to get."

Selah.

I like that

 

[parsley]

I like that too, but then remembered how many women scramble to bake cookies and clean and do obsessive things to make guys happy... and realized that can be a warped part of the lust instinct for us. Proving our worth when they're not asking for help.

 

[Fireinfolding]

I like that too, but then remembered how many women scramble to bake cookies and clean and do obsessive things to make guys happy... and realized that can be a warped part of the lust instinct for us. Proving our worth when they're not asking for help.

Making cookies can be a lustful thing?

I suppose if the receiver lusts for cookies in some ungodly sense and the baker is living unto the lusts of a man in that respect.

Though one can surely see corruption in some of the best intentions and find evil where there is none, I do try to stay away from that mindset.

Nothing wrong with cleaning or baking cookies, he speaks of coveting warring and fighting, and killing not baking cookies for another or cleaning your house.

I thought we were looking at the difference between rather then throwing them into the same pile here?

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

Once you do this, you don't need to discern between "in love" and "in lust."

Look at whether involvement with this person will help you proceed through your life goals. If you have no goals, then don't hook up with anyone until you figure some out. Otherwise they will steer everything toward their own, and you will be defenseless ... not entering as a whole person with whole opinions that matter.

Do not go along for the ride. Create and direct the ride.

There is a little bit of lust in every "in love" -- the human instinct is built into us to want, crave attention from the other person, and want closure in the relationship. If that controls your every waking minute, then it is not productive and probably not healthy.

Agree. Its vitally important to think very objectively during the process of a relationship and particularly if its heading toward lifelong marriage. A good book highlighting the 7 common deadly mistakes people make when choosing a marriage partner is the best seller : Finding the Love of your Life, by Dr. Warren. You sure dont want to just rely on the warm lustful feelings on selecting a marriage partner. ALOT of other things must be seriously considered.

 

[Sword of the Lord]

When you care about his or her feelings over your own.

 

[Peripatetic]

There is another category called attraction, which is completely normal and should not be painted with a broad brush of lust. Faster heart beat, blushing, and even dreaming are often signs of attraction.

Now, attraction can turn into love if a personal connection is established. If the relationship is mutual and neither person is in a relationship, it can be romantic love. Otherwise, it should be a friendship love of neighbor.

Lust comes about when your mind goes into darker places of obsession and possession. For example, attraction to a married person is not lust. But it can become lust if the person continues to dwell on it (obsession) with detailed fantasies or daydreams about stealing the person away (possession).

 

[iambren]

"When you care about his or her feelings over your own."

I think I like this the best, it's a process along the way of becoming one. Basically being "in love" is not like putting something in a test-tube to determine if it's an acid or base. It seems to come from the intuitive part of us. Some arrive at it slow over time while some know instantly.

Don't force it, don't make it so magical that you overlook relational realities, and know when to bug out when the connection isn't there.

 

[aiki]

I like that too, but then remembered how many women scramble to bake cookies and clean and do obsessive things to make guys happy... and realized that can be a warped part of the lust instinct for us. Proving our worth when they're not asking for help.

This doesn't really negate what I wrote. It just shows how difficult it sometimes is to see when we are motivated by the selfless giving of true love and when we are motivated by lust. Sure lust can masquerade as love - it often does, I think - but if "loving" gifts are ultimately motivated by the desire to obtain, then one is not loving, but lusting. Simple, really.

Selah.

 

[Barricade24]

Okay, this is a topic I know pretty well so I should be able to help you pretty well. Love/attraction can have several different things and not be lust. First: thinking someone is attractive and has nice features is not lust. Lust however goes beyond that. Lust is wanting to do things with someone with a extremly strong sexual desire. Basically, lust is wanting to sin sexually with someone.

Now, one thing I have learned from this is that it is not your eyes you need to worry about when it comes to lust. It is your heart. I am in no way saying that wanting to have sex is wrong. But wanting to have sex with someone who is in a relationship or married certainly is. I am not exactly sure how lust falls into the categories with those in no relationship but I would assume that if you wanted to sin sexually with a person then that would be lust as well.

I think that is basically what lust is, a strong sexual desire to sin sexually with someone.

 

[DrenchedInHisBlood]

A very good book to read on how to tell its love and not just lust is this book : Finding a Lasting Love: Friendship, Romance, Commitment: Dick Purnell: 9780736910804: Amazon.com: Books . Get a used copy for $.01 plus shipping.

Typically, here is the order of things happening :

1. You meet someone for the first time and have some conversation.
2. After this initial meeting and more meetings, you can see that you have alot in common and a 'connection' is starting to take place based on getting along good when you are together .
3. During this process thus far, you (or both of you) find the Other physically appealing to some degree and because you have connected emotionally , the ENTIRE PERSON including their physical attributes are appealing to you. For the male, his sexuality is heightened when he looks at her because he is wired by God with an apparatus which is stimulated by the shape of a females body. For the female, she may or may not feel the same way physically...but more often than not, her focus will be on the INNER person that you portray and will include honesty, sensitivity, attentiveness, validating her responses, kindness, and comfortability being around you.
4. As time goes on and your friendship deepens, there typically occurs a sense of 'OWNERSHIP' ...that is... you want to become more of an Item than keep it where its been thus far. This is typically a time when sexuality starts kicking into high gear for both of you with the fueling attributes i mentioned above already... and its going to be very important and necessary to stay within the sexual boundaries that God has setup for you both. These are for your own good and hers, plus, not to harm your personal relationship with God (because it shall if you become uncontrolled and lax) .

Essentially, that is the fundamental process of what takes place with Lust. WHere real LOVE comes into play, is when alot of time has passed spending valued time together / shared experiences / shared secrets / shared respect / etc... and...when you get to the point where you conclude that your life would be severely at a loss if that other person were suddenly no longer a part of the equation. Its when you KNOW you have graduated beyond the Lust Stage and you start thinking lifelong commitment because what this person has come to mean to you. You know its genuine because you havent rushed the feelings, situation, commitment , or placed stress on the Other (or Yourself) to hurriedly move the relationship faster than what it should go -- you have allowed it to naturally take its course and it has ended up in a deep profound Love which is backed up by solid commitment and a lifelong desire to never be seperated again. Most of all, you have constantly ran the entire process thru Gods loving filter, and you know that you know you have recieved Gods will and blessing to move it to the final step of a marriage in his presence and for his glory as a lifelong Union.

Did that help you any ?

hey I really liked this one. Did you write this yourself or was it copied from the book?

 

[BFine]

What is the difference, what are the signs of love?

Is your heart beating faster mean you are in love when you think about this person or is it lust?

What about blushing?

Or dreaming about that person? What if this person doesn't know and how can they know? Do you tell them, or is there a secret sign? Help! What if you love them but it seems like they just lust you instead? Is it different for man and women?

*Signs of love: You love the person and want the best for that person, even
if it's not you.

Heart beating faster, dreaming about that person, blushing, etc-- can be physical signs of attraction and can also be the same signs for when you strongly dislike someone.

Relationships of whatever kind takes some time to build, get to know the person that you "admire", see if he is interested in getting to know you.

Build a friendship and get to know the person's actual character --
don't leap into a romance blindly just because your feelings are ignited.
Learn to "guide" your feelings properly, left unchecked feelings can lead
folks into "areas" they shouldn't be treading yet.

Too many folks jump into something because they have a "chemical reaction"
to somebody and later on they find that the person's character isn't
so desirable...

 

[parsley]

if "loving" gifts are ultimately motivated by the desire to obtain, then one is not loving, but lusting. Simple, really.

Thank you for explaining my cookies.


When a woman goes overboard trying to convince a man that she is worthwhile, she is not building up a healthy relationship. It is not that much different from a man taking advice from his dad to give flowers, then going overboard delivering flowers and chocolates every day.

Both solutions are not making efforts to find out what the other person really wants or likes. They are just scrambling to prove intents. "You should like me because I did this for you." Does a woman really want a roomful of flowers? A little, but usually they'd rather spend time with the person -- getting back all that time spent getting advice and calling florists... the man consulting other people on how to please her, instead of asking her directly, and finding out through conversations, wanting to spend time with her.

Does a man want cookies daily? Probably yes. He'd probably like laundry done too. But these are things any person can do for any person. We could bake cookies for every relationship, showing that the only special person is the one we want attention from.

It is important to find out what is unique about each person, and care about who they uniquely are. Are they allergic to carnations... does their diabetes limit their sweet intake... did their last bad relationship come with oodles of puppies and gift certificates.

Learn who the person is. Let go of what you imagined them to be. Then you will find out whether you liked the feeling of being in love, or really loved who they were.

Build a friendship and get to know the person's actual character --
don't leap into a romance blindly just because your feelings are ignited.
Learn to "guide" your feelings properly, left unchecked feelings can lead
folks into "areas" they shouldn't be treading yet.

Too many folks jump into something because they have a "chemical reaction"
to somebody and later on they find that the person's charact

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

What is the difference, what are the signs of love?

Is your heart beating faster mean you are in love when you think about this person or is it lust?

What about blushing?

Or dreaming about that person? What if this person doesn't know and how can they know? Do you tell them, or is there a secret sign? Help! What if you love them but it seems like they just lust you instead? Is it different for man and women?

if you love them for the way they make you feel or for what they can do for you, then you love yourself, and they are just an instrument of your love for yourself.

if your desire is to see them have a happy life no matter whether it blesses you or not, and you perceive God's leading to selflessly bless them, then go for it.

love is not feelings; feelings should accompany love, but feelings can be deceptive; but true love persists even when feelings are not there. love is a selfless commitment to another's good; and true love is from God - let Him lead you in this.

 

[Goodbook]

hmm, ok but can love be masochistic? I know too many co-dependent ppl. What if someone you love is an alcoholic?

And also can you explain what chemistry is?
Like, if someone touches you and you feel like you are all dizzy and about to explode, is that good or bad?

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

remember that God IS Love - there can be no True Love without God's participation. co-dependent people are not God-dependent people. Love (God) doesn't judge worthiness as a requirement for Love (God); no one is worthy of Love (God).

chemistry is a feeling; it's great while it lasts, but the feeling is what you lust for, don't confuse this with love for the person; if you truly love someone, you love them at their worst as well as their best. feelings are neither good nor bad; it's what's in your heart that matters. if you are led by feelings, you are not led by God; if you are not led by God, this is bad.

seek God's leading for a mate, and be prepared to wait while He prepares them for you, and you for them. make your relationship with God your top priority, and He'll lead you to all good things.