How to support a gay child?

[hedrick]

Thank you for your advice. Here, children go to highschool at that age (11-16).
There is a big difference between the youngest and the oldest and while friendships are in each other's year sometimes they go across years. The boy he liked was 16.

When I responded before, I didn't know the other kid is 16. Many parents in our church would allow kids to be with someone they like, but at that age the ones I've talked to would want it to be in a group setting, probably with adults around. Most would be very concerned if their kid was romantically attracted to a 16 year old. It's really easy for someone older to pressure a younger kid into doing something they might otherwise not do, maybe even without intending to.

 

[Rose_Water]

When I responded before, I didn't know the other kid is 16. Many parents in our church would allow kids to be with someone they like, but at that age the ones I've talked to would want it to be in a group setting, probably with adults around. Most would be very concerned if their kid was romantically attracted to a 16 year old. It's really easy for someone older to pressure a younger kid into doing something they might otherwise not do, maybe even without intending to.

I think, speaking as a woman, that it is easy that age to be attracted to an older person. What is worrying is when the older person reciprocates. An requited crush is a part of life and not to be dismissive but I think my stepson looks up this person more than fancies him. It was worrying the older boy wanted to date him.

 

[hedrick]

but I think my stepson looks up this person more than fancies him.

That's more hopeful.

 

[salt-n-light]

Hi everyone I'm new here. I live in the UK with my husband and his son, my stepson. We been married for 4 years but his son has only been in our lives for the past year when he came to live with us at 11. He is now 12. Like everyone he has his good traits and his bad traits. He was incredibly sweet, obedient and kind when he came but since then had been increasingly difficult which I put down to puberty.

He told us he had a boyfriend a few months ago and things have been difficult since then. Unlike the majority in the UK I still think homosexuality is a sin. From a moral point of view I don't agree with it but I respect the law and think everyone has a right to live with freedom. Also people in the UK tend to be incredibly liberal so the rules we put in place for my stepson seem harsh to him and he rebels against them. For example since he is only 12 we forbade him from dating at all but he just went behind our backs. He put himself in dangerous positions and is lucky not to be in more trouble than he is.

I don't know how to support a child who thinks he is gay, do you have any advice? What rules would you think are fair in regards to dating etc? If any parents are on the UK here who could advise that would also be helpful!

My broad advice: Take a step back.

Often times when sin is zoomed in, or when particular things arises on such a personal level, we zoom in on all the details of it, and we don't step back to see if we are actually doing the basic things that God has called us men and women to do. We focus so much on the by-products on our nature and how to remedy the by-products, that we skim over dealing with its source, its root.

I know the questions asked are about how to deal with the dating situation, and the homosexuality situation, and you want more instant answers to implement right away, to try to fix it yourself. But here's are my questions for you:

How is his relationship with God? How is yours?
Has he accepted Jesus as Lord and Saviour? Have you?
Is he allowing God to perfect his faith through the Word and the Holy Spirit? Are you?

Often times we point to the commandments from Jesus, but we fail to listen as to how we are to fulfill it. So even when we can quote " Well Jesus said to love God, and love others as ourselves", we tend to try to do works that seem to fit it, and bypass that Jesus told us the how in Matthew 16:24. So I'm sure there are certainly answers as to how you can DIY the situation, but to have a true sense of healing of the situation, and not just this part of it, he will have to have that personal relationship with God through knowledge of the Word and guidance of the Holy Spirit. And he will also need people in his corner, such as you his mother, to also have a personal relationship with God to effectively support him spiritually.

So now what can you do as a parent? In short: Love him.

Love him with correction and exhorting through the Word. Love him by teaching with patience. You've already started that by not normalizing the situation with him not bringing dates around. But its just as important as to teach why it shouldn't be, with grace. And to also understand why it shouldn't be for yourself, and how to go about it.

Also love him by praying for him and the people he is around. That God can put him at a place that he will be willing to hear God and receive healing. This is why I've also ask if you also have a relationship with God.

I have been down the road of your son before, as well as seeing others who have been christians fall on that same path. I think these two articles and podcast will be a big help to understand how to address it, as it has been for me. It not only help me understand the brokenness that I have been through, but it has only help me to understand the healing process, and how to pray and show grace for those going through the same stuff I did. It helps to grow your relationship with both God and your son by learning and communication with them.Talk to, listen, and understand God. Talk to, listen, and understand your son.Then be the bridge to God for your son by interceding on his behalf through prayer and correction. I pray these articles help you.

1. Pray Them Home: Three Prayers for Prodigal Children | Desiring God
2.Born This Way | Desiring God
3.What Makes Homosexuality Wrong? | Desiring God

DM if you need a listening ear, I'm here. Be encouraged im praying for you!

 

[JAM2b]

The age difference concerns me more than anything else. In the two states I have lived in, more than two years difference between adolescents constitutes sexual crime if any sexual acts are committed, even if the younger one consented or was the one doing the act. The older one is given criminal charges.

12 is way too young to be spending time with a 16 year-old unsupervised.

 

[Rose_Water]

The age difference concerns me more than anything else. In the two states I have lived in, more than two years difference between adolescents constitutes sexual crime if any sexual acts are committed, even if the younger one consented or was the one doing the act. The older one is given criminal charges.

12 is way too young to be spending time with a 16 year-old unsupervised.

My stepson spends time mainly with older boys at school. There isn't so much we can do about that. His implications that he is experimenting worry us.

In the UK it is different but 12 and 16 is still a crime. However at that age they can still be in the same school over here. I wouldn't mind if the 16 year old was given criminal charges. Trying to date a 12 year old isn't right.

 

[JAM2b]

My take on sexuality of any kind is that kids can only be guided so much. You teach them values when they are younger, and then at the point where they are at the appropriate age for making relationship choices they are old enough to make those choices for themselves. It's between them and God, just like it is for everyone else.

12 is not age appropriate for anything beyond platonic friendship. Group dates at early ages are not necessarily a bad thing, but there needs to be adults present. If there is sexual activity going on at school, then that needs to be brought up with administration and something done about it.