How to Spank a Child Biblically?

[KaitlinRose]

Hello!
I have found that those who spank usually have better-behaved kids. I was the third of 10 children in a strict Catholic family and our parents were not afraid to discipline us. I never felt abused and if anything, was glad to have swift, just punishment where there was forgiveness afterwards. I think the way my parents punished us was effective and I will probably do the same. So, to respond:

(1.) Depends on the age/offense. It was always with an open hand when we were little but they used a plastic hairbrush when we got older. For VERY serious offenses there was a belt, but that was super rare. Like once in my entire childhood.

(2.) It was pretty much always bare-bottomed. Usually, mom was the one in charge of discipline and she would undress us. I think this was a huge part of the punishment because of the suspense... haha. I don't think it has to be done this way but it definitely creates a "formal" punishment aspect and allows the parent to watch for marks or bruising.

(3.) Also depends on the age/offense, how hard you're hitting, and the implement. If it's your hand, I think 30 or so are appropriate for a small child. But for a more serious offense by an older child, 50 is more appropriate. If you're using a hairbrush, no more than 20 and a belt, no more than 10. Basically just use your judgment, I think.

(4.) Do not chase them down, struggle to hold them in place, etc. Both of you need to be calm for the spanking to be safe and effective. If you have to have the child calm down in his room, that's an option. Usually my parents threatened a worse punishment and by a certain age we learned to just comply.

(5.) I think there should be lots of hugs, kisses, and love after, but no mention of the punishment or misdeed. What's done is done at that point. I think for an older child, pointing out where the Bible or the Catechism says their act was sinful could be a good idea prior to the punishment.

This can be a very useful tool when used correctly and 100% out of love. All of us have turned out great and we are all pretty happy go lucky, well-adjusted people (there are still kids at home though, so I'll try not to jinx it ) Feel free to respond and God bless!

Blessed Joan's experiences growing up almost identically match mine, and are my starting point for how I plan to raise my nieces I am about to adopt (long story)

 

[Michelle Koziak]

1. Depends on the age, start with hand and do it firmly and gently and explain why you did it
2. Diapers or clothing in most instances yes.
3. I recommend not spanking on impulse (though it can happen), instead pause, and do it with a calmed down mindset. It should hurt you emotionally as much as it hurts them. You should not really want to do it, but out of necessity. So two or three times at most and STOP. Again you talk to them and tell them not to do it again and remind what will happen if they persist with the same behavior.
4. You upgrade to a belt, and exercise the same principal of self-control, and be firm so they know the parent is in control and they are not. Parents who let the child walk over them like a doormat can just expect more of the same, and it only gets worse as the child grows older.
5. It's always good to pray, I've actually prayed to God I would not accidentally go too far in dealing with bad behavior. It's not easy, especially when a child persists as though you did not punish them, day in and day out, it can seem like they will never learn when things change so little or not at all. Always try to be patient and keep the communication going, eventually they should get the idea, it's rough though, I know all about it!

I should note, children are different, some require more discipline than others, some require little, but I think it is common (could be wrong) for them to try to push their boundaries and manipulate the punishment system.

Wow, thanks for the link, reading it.

 

[Michelle Koziak]

I believe in spanking once the child is old enough to understand why and can communicate it verbally. If your child is still in diapers they should not be spanked. I have 3 daughters. 2 are now on their own. The oldest needed more spankings than her younget sister. She was potty trained at 21/2
When they were in diapers if they pulled away from me and ran that was a serious! A child than runs can run into traffic.
I would lay one hand palm open on the diaper or underwear and slap my hands together. That made them cry and they often thought they were getting a pots. It was a Ukrainian way of saying spanking that could be used I'm public as a warning without unwanted attention from others.
I never spanked in anger and I also explained ahead of time what would get them a spanking.
Spanking in anger doesn't work.
You don't need a switch. Your hand works well.
My middle daughter was spanked 2 times. She watched her older sister misbehave and it kept her well behaved.
Dr Dobson has great books on raising children. I learned a lot from The Bible and my kids

 

[A Realist]

Wow....some of this isn't spanking.......it's downright abuse.

 

[LorrieP]

There is a fine line between spanking and abuse and it must be never crossed. I cannot support hitting a child with a belt, switch, wooden spoon or any object. I think, ordinarily, parents should look towards other methods to discipline. After a child is eleven or twelve years old spanking shouldn't be used. The kids are too grown up for that and its bound to lead to other problems. Older kids can hit back. Than what are you going to do?

All that being said, I think properly done, spanking is useful tool for correcting younger children. As parents, we really need to communicate some behavior is unacceptable. I'm referring to lying, cheating, harming themselves or others, and acts that could result in trouble with the law. I also think the younger a child is when you deal with trouble, the more likely you are to fix it.

So, in some limited situations I do recommend spanking. What I would suggest first is a very firm talk with the child explaining why they are going to be spanked. The seriousness of the behavior must be carefully laid out. Example: Stealing is against the law. When you took that toy from the store, you broke the law. You could go to jail for that. Mom and Dad cannot allow that. As your parents we have a duty to spank you so you will remember that. Privacy during a spanking is a touchy thing. However, there maybe some situations where other children in your family should be allowed to see it, so they understand the seriousness of the situation as well.

When it comes to the actual spanking, we always did it with the hand. We never bared a child's bottom for a spanking either. However, I understand why some parents would not want to whack a child over denim blue jeans. Our middle position was to make the misbehaving child strip down to their underwear. My son learned that his cotton briefs didn't protect his butt much from a parent's hand. We always spanked over the knee as well. We thought it was important reminder that we were the parents and they were the child!

 

[RDKirk]

There is a fine line between spanking and abuse and it must be never crossed. I cannot support hitting a child with a belt, switch, wooden spoon or any object.

My wife said my hand was too heavy, so I switched to a flip-flop. It's pretty hard to injure anyone with a flip-flop.

 

[St. Helens]

A flip flop is what my folks spanked me with.

 

[Paidiske]

As your parents we have a duty to spank you so you will remember that.

I wouldn't believe that, as a child or an adult. It's obvious even to a small child that physical discipline is a choice a parent makes from a range of options. This is no more credible than a claim from an adult that a child "made" them spank.

 

[Kayeliz]

Not my experience. Here is what my dad provided up to age 7:

1. Well used (flexible) leather belt 30-50 whacks
   
2. yes - bare bottom
3. crying never allowed.
   
4. an extra 30 whacks if any sign of crying.
   
5. unknown

Admittedly, I'm against spanking and it's aginst the law here, so our son does not get spanked. But no crying allowed and extra 30 whacks for any sign of crying? What if a child just can't stop crying, could that potentially lead to spanking sessions of half an hour or more?
And while I do understand that many people think the Bible tells parents explicitly to spank, how is the no crying and extra whacks for crying Biblical? Sorry, but to me that really does sound like plain abuse.

 

[NerdGirl]

Some of these replies are absolutely horrifying and the behaviors described are outright child abuse. I can hardly believe some of the things I'm reading here that people are not only okay with, but encouraging in others.

I was spanked. Sure, it made me terrified and confused and hurt, and that probably kept me from repeating certain behaviors (or from getting caught; harsh punishments are a great way to produce sneaky children). It was heartbreaking to be struck by the people I trusted and loved and wanted to feel safe with. There was no way I could ever go through it without crying, so God forbid any sensitive child ends up in the hands of these "no crying allowed or you get hit more" people. I very distinctly remember my mother once telling me after a spanking "We do this because we love you", and those words meant NOTHING to me. I felt betrayed, lied to, and bewildered. I grew up a terribly insecure, fearful, anxious child because of this and other factors in my home life. I acted out in dangerous, reckless ways as I hit puberty and went through my teens.

In contrast, I never spanked my son. When he was too little to understand right from wrong, I used my voice and direct eye contact for warnings and corrections, and/or physically removing him from the room or whatever object/action was the focus of the behavior. Once he got older, I talked to him. All the time. About everything. I looked at the world from his point of view and explained things in a way a four, five, six year old could understand. I didn't just say "don't do this", I said "don't do this because..." I posed questions to him about his own behaviors and feelings. Sometimes he needed a time out or some time in his room (without toys or electronics). Then we would talk, calmly, without anger or judgement or impatience. Everything ended with the reassurance that he was loved and that I had confidence in the good person he could be. He has never been a problem. He is one of the most well-behaved, polite, friendly, caring, big-hearted young men you could ever meet. To this day (he's 19 now), we talk about everything, there is no topic off limits or too embarrassing.

How to spank biblically? Don't spank. Parent.

 

[NerdGirl]

Of course you don't want to abuse anyone. You spank enough just so that there is pain. Overdoing it is abuse and that happens when people spank out of anger. You calm down before you ever spank a child.

The whole idea behind spanking is that a person learns from a young age to associate wrongdoing with pain. In other words, wrongdoing has painful consequences is what you are teaching your child.

How exactly do you know when your child is feeling an adequate amount of pain? I used to scream at the first hit in an attempt to get mercy and be spared more hitting. Are you inside your child's body and mind, do you know when they feel pain from being hit? Do you wait for welts, red marks, hand prints? Do you realize how sick it is to even be ASKING these questions?

 

[NerdGirl]

I wish people could just pause and think with a fresh mind and fresh eyes about what is being discussed here.

"Please tell me the best way to HIT and HURT my child."

That is literally the topic of this thread.

"No, NerdGirl, we're talking about disciplining our children."

YES, by asking the best way to HIT and HURT them. Yes. You're asking for guidance in harming your own flesh and blood. The whole point of spanking is to cause pain. You are INTENTIONALLY HURTING your child.

Just think about that for a while. Put aside everything you've been taught and spoonfed in church and from your elders and just think on it. Think for yourself. Then ask yourself if God really intended for parents to use a "rod" - a literal, physical rod - on their children.

Does He tell us to LITERALLY pluck out our offending eyes and cut off our offending hands? "OH, of course not!" we so quickly and easily say. But when it comes to hitting our children? "OH, that must be taken absolutely literally, mhm."

Think, people. God gave you brains. THINK.

 

[NerdGirl]

Ive seen children who wouldn't listen until they were spanked. Spanking was necessary.

There's always another way. Most parents just don't have the patience to find out what else works. It may take an hour or two hours of placing your child in a room by themselves while they scream and tantrum themselves into exhaustion. But they will learn eventually that you hold the power and authority. It's a lot easier and lazier to just smack a few times and get on with your day, but look at the two possible lessons learned by the young mind of a child. Let's say the scenario is a five year old who wants to play with the burners on the stove.

1. Time Out: "I want to play with the stove! They won't let me! Hmm. Acting out isn't getting me my way. Screaming and crying in this room haven't gotten me my way. They aren't coming in to give me attention, and they aren't letting me out until I'm quiet. I'm pretty tired now. I guess I'd better do what they say."

2. Spanking: "I want to play with the stove! They won't let me! They hit me and it hurts! How can they say they hit me because they love me? I guess next time, I'd better not let them see me touching the stove."

The goal should be to make your child think and reason (as much as they're able, based on their age) and learn to choose right *because it's right*, not because they fear getting caught.

You can always find a way to get a child's attention without hitting them. Always.

 

[Brightmoon]

My father beat me until I was 15 then I got enraged enough to kick him across the room and l let him know that if he touched me again I was going to hurt him.

I’m female and he was 6 inches taller and outweighed me by about 60 lbs . That’s all his beatings ever did was make me fearful and angry . Until that one day when the anger overwhelmed the fear and he went flying . If you beat your kids you might experience that too one day . Especially with boys . I was unusual because I was skinny but muscular because I was a dancer .
Children just aren’t your property and this is not the Bronze Age where they were property.

what’s that old saying about the devil can quote scripture

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

My father beat me until I was 15 then I got enraged enough to kick him across the room and l let him know that if he touched me again I was going to hurt him.

My girl cousin told her mom ,if she ever hits her again .She would beat her up. These spankings or hits stopped. She was probably 16 or 17.

 

[Brightmoon]

My girl cousin told her mom ,if she ever hits her again .She would beat her up. These spankings or hits stopped. She was probably 16 or 17.

To get an idea of how enraged I was by being hit all the time for little or no reason . I’m female , I wasn’t fully grown , i weighed about 110 lbs to my fathers 150 and he was 6 inches taller. I kicked him so hard that he went about 5ft in the air and landed on the other side of the room on top of a bookcase. As the old expression goes I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of being mistreated. I rarely hit my two kids and when I did,I still think I could have handled it better by not hitting them. But they say hindsight is 20/20!

 

[Junia]

I wouldn't believe that, as a child or an adult. It's obvious even to a small child that physical discipline is a choice a parent makes from a range of options. This is no more credible than a claim from an adult that a child "made" them spank.

I

Agree it one of these areas which is down to personal conviction and individual choice

 

[Brightmoon]

Spanking is abuse !!!!

 

[coffee4u]

Hi everyone,

New member here. Just want to get some ideas on the best, most proper biblical way to spank a child.

The point of discipline is to make each child you have understand right from wrong, to make them realize that actions have consequences, to become responsible for their actions and to understand sin. There is far more to it than spanking and not every child needs or responds well to spankings. Discipline can include spanking but not always and not for every child or every situation. If you don't yet have a child but have decided that spanking is what you will do as punishment you have missed what discipline is for. It's not about: Child misbehaves -child gets a spanking -everyone just carries on.

1. What is the best implement to use? Hand, wooden spoon, etc.

If a spanking is the correct response to a particular situation and child, then the implement depends on you and how you use it.

2. Should it be done over clothing, underwear, or bare bottom?

See above.
A bare bottom should not be used unless we are talking about a swat on a toddler but I don't think this is what you are talking about here. A child needs to be old enough to understand why they are getting a formal spanking and pulling a child’s pants down for that has sexual overtones whether you have thought of that or not. Even more so if it’s the opposite gender parent doing the spanking. One time I heard of a father spanking his 12 year old daughter on her bare bottom. That is WRONG on so many levels.

3. How many strokes should be given? When should you stop? I know that the Bible doesn’t allow more that 40 strokes, but this is for adult criminals.

It isn't about the number of strokes. Again, you are missing the point. It should never be more then 1-3 but its about that child’s response.

4. How do you deal with a child who hits, kicks, and screams bloody murder to try and get away?

What age is this child? If this child is a toddler they are too young. Depending on why they are throwing a tantrum you are far better off waiting for the tantrum to end/holding them firmly/carry on with what needed doing.
Secondly is spanking the correct punishment for this child? The way you are asking it seems to assume spanking is correct for all children in all situations and that simply isn't true.
I would be more concerned that this particular child is really telling you by their bad behaviour that whatever you are doing is not working. I would take that as a sign that you need to revaluate what you are doing, how you are handling this child.

5. Should a prayer be said before and after administering the spanking? If so, what are some good prayers for this?

A prayer that you keep in control.

If you are really wanting to discipline your children in the right way you need to be looking at far more than spankings. Discipline is a wide area. I would place formal spankings in the bottom of the parental tool kit. If your child is a sensitive child using spanking as a first response could crush them. While for a stronger willed more defiant child a spanking may be needed on some occasions. Again not every occasion, the punishment has to fit. A child who has poured flour and eggs over the floor will be far better tasked with cleaning it up then spanked for it. A spanking may stop them, but its not just about stopping, but teaching. I did sometimes spank, but only occasionally was it the correct response and that was only with my son. A harsh word to my daughter would have her fall apart, most times with her she was sent to the naughty corner for some time out. My son now was completely different and far more defiant. Telling him off did nothing, you see the different temperament. This is a vital part of how you respond to each child. You have to know your child and respond appropriately to that child. They don't come out like little cookie cutters, they are unique and you treat them as such. For the record my daughter is now a lovely caring Christian women and she probably received only 2 spankings her entire childhood.

If raising good responsible children was as simple as spanking them each and every time they misbehaved parenting would be easy-it isn’t easy. It's complicated and messy and it takes a lot of prayer, thought, trial and error.

 

[Dafne]

Hi everyone,

New member here. Just want to get some ideas on the best, most proper biblical way to spank a child.

1. What is the best implement to use? Hand, wooden spoon, etc.

2. Should it be done over clothing, underwear, or bare bottom?

3. How many strokes should be given? When should you stop? I know that the Bible doesn’t allow more that 40 strokes, but this is for adult criminals.

4. How do you deal with a child who hits, kicks, and screams bloody murder to try and get away?

5. Should a prayer be said before and after administering the spanking? If so, what are some good prayers for this?

you should never spank your child. Spanking is abuse!!