How to Pray when you are cohabitating

[Angeleyes7715]

Hi, I'm not married to my bfs of two years. We moved together for economic reasons and because of family feuding.

Anyway, my boyfriend has a wordly mindset and bad attitude. I want God to change his heart. He grew up in church and knew God at one point and still believes in God, but he is into everything but God rn.

I want him to change so we can marry but how can I pray for that when us being together unmarried is a sin.

 

[JIMINZ]

Hi, I'm not married to my bfs of two years. We moved together for economic reasons and because of family feuding.

Anyway, my boyfriend has a wordly mindset and bad attitude. I want God to change his heart. He grew up in church and knew God at one point and still believes in God, but he is into everything but God rn.

I want him to change so we can marry but how can I pray for that when us being together unmarried is a sin.

Sort of a catch 22 isn't it?
Do you feel as though you have just answered your own question better than anyone else ever could?

 

[ubicaritas]

Just pray. God is merciful and kind and hears all prayers.

 

[ripple the car]

Hi, I'm not married to my bfs of two years. We moved together for economic reasons and because of family feuding.

Anyway, my boyfriend has a wordly mindset and bad attitude. I want God to change his heart. He grew up in church and knew God at one point and still believes in God, but he is into everything but God rn.

I want him to change so we can marry but how can I pray for that when us being together unmarried is a sin.

If you know and comprehend spiritually that your living with him as a wife would is wrong, your Godly options are to move out, live as brother and sister, or simply spell out for him that you can not keep doing this; you are not his wife, and he does not seem to be a Christian. As you wish to avoid sin and marry a Christian someday, this living and sleeping arrangement can not continue. I am not presenting that will be an easy conversation, but it's an important one.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I'll be brutally honest.... don't marry him UNLESS he actually changes. Because so many couples marry in hopes their spouse either becomes saved or comes back to the Lord and it never happens. Its why the bible talks about not being unequally yolked.

As for your dilemma, it is kind of bad to pray for one thing while willfully sinning in another area. None are perfect of course, we all screw up. But I know when I was looking for someone to marry I would pray about some things while busy doing other sins that I knew full well were sinful. I was a hypocrite and I believe its why God didn't let my life change. He was waiting for me to fix my life first and let go of the sins I knew I needed to remove from my life.

In other words He may wait on some prayers until you two aren't living together. As it is if your living together then gossip spreads fast at church (sadly) and people are going to be super judgemental about everything. Especially because the odds of having sex will skyrocket now. Trust me, I thought I could hold back but didn't. Wasted my virginity out of no where on a person who didn't stay with me.

Also I do realize living together may be the easiest arrangement for you two, but it will have costs that go along with it.

 

[salt-n-light]

Hi, I'm not married to my bfs of two years. We moved together for economic reasons and because of family feuding.

Anyway, my boyfriend has a wordly mindset and bad attitude. I want God to change his heart. He grew up in church and knew God at one point and still believes in God, but he is into everything but God rn.

I want him to change so we can marry but how can I pray for that when us being together unmarried is a sin.

You can't change him, you can only minister to him, but only God can change him and in His own timing. It may not be in a timing convenient to you and your needs to marry, it could, but it could also be at a timing where somewhere down the road the relationship would have to end for other events to take place that would lead him to God. Trying to marry him won't change him either, in fact, it will be a bigger burden, because it would be making a life-long commitment to someone who may not end up believing in God, as opposed to entering a commitment with one that already has a strong relationship with God.

So don't pray selfishly for your bf salvation. If you desire him to be saved, it will be at all cost, your relationship may be one of those costs. If you are to tell him about the love of God, it will have to include how much of a temptation and risk you are being right now cohabiting with him (I'm assuming if he is that carnal minded as you are describing, that he is at least tempted to do some sort of premarital stuff with his gf living with him, but I'm not gonna go deep into that). Are you ready for that, are you willing for that to happen in order for him to be saved? Do you love him and value his soul that much that even if it means no marriage, no relationship, or that you part ways and never see each other again, that his life turns to God? Because these are the things that might happen, and it might take that in order for him to be saved, that may not necessarily work out how you would expect it to work out.

 

[Tolworth John]

I want him to change so we can marry but how can I pray for that when us being together unmarried is a sin.

Why should he marry you, when he is getting sex, a housekeeper, laudry maid etc without the commitment of marriage?

You know what you are doing is wrong, yet expect God to reward bad behaviour.

 

[salt-n-light]

Sort of a catch 22 isn't it?
Do you feel as though you have just answered your own question better than anyone else ever could?

I feel like its one of those post, where someone knows the answer already, but asking in the slim hope that maybe there is some less painful and seemily plausible alternatives.

 

[Chronel]

Just pray, God hears your prayer.
But you need to willingly accept the answer, though it may costs you to leave your bf.
You know that currently living together unmarried is a sin, thus, ask God to forgive your sin.
Then,
Speak honestly with your bf, openly, say that you could not continue the current way of living.
Let him decide to follow the way of God through a marriage, or he could leave.

If he does love you, he will understand. Otherwise, you might consider to let go of him. It is not love, it is lust that you might think is love.

 

[vinsight4u]

I think you need to stop referring to him as your boyfriend. This is a guy that not long ago wanted you out of the apartment-where you also have your name on the lease. He was ready to force you out to the streets, and did make you leave, even though you had still one week of rent that you had paid him for. He was so angry about you not being able to pay rent that was not yet due for another week or so. You have a guy - not someone that loves you dearly. He is not a marriage partner of the future. You are part of the rent, and other needs he has that he wants fulfilled. You are not someone that he is in love with. You are just convenient for now. When you don't fit right away into one of those convenient categories, then he ditches you. I was surprised to learn that you are back living with him. I thought you had moved in with your relatives....sister gave permission to you or such.

 

[Dave-W]

I'll be brutally honest.... don't marry him UNLESS he actually changes.

Amen.

 

[Southernscotty]

Good advice above so I will just say that I am praying Angeleyes :]

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Why should he marry you, when he is getting sex, a housekeeper, laudry maid etc without the commitment of marriage?

You know what you are doing is wrong, yet expect God to reward bad behaviour.

Okay none of that is what I said. And how does a piece of paper suddenly change everything. I just want my bf to change to be the way God wants him to be. What do you expect me to do lol move out break my lease and be in debt. If I moved out I'd be living back at home with my mom in another unhealthy living situation and I would be breaking my lease contract which would cause debt and me not to be able to get another apartment. Please be logical here. The goal is marriage, but it's not financially obtainable rn and my bf need God.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

I think you need to stop referring to him as your boyfriend. This is a guy that not long ago wanted you out of the apartment-where you also have your name on the lease. He was ready to force you out to the streets, and did make you leave, even though you had still one week of rent that you had paid him for. He was so angry about you not being able to pay rent that was not yet due for another week or so. You have a guy - not someone that loves you dearly. He is not a marriage partner of the future. You are part of the rent, and other needs he has that he wants fulfilled. You are not someone that he is in love with. You are just convenient for now. When you don't fit right away into one of those convenient categories, then he ditches you. I was surprised to learn that you are back living with him. I thought you had moved in with your relatives....sister gave permission to you or such.

This is actually a lot of wrong information. I actually left the apartment in the first place cause I was tired of his attitude. I left while he was at work he never kicked me out. My sister and her husband let me go back however they are not trust worthy people and I really rather not stay with my family of possible. Infact they are trying to convince my mentally I'll mom to go to a home so they can rent out her house for a profit. And her husband cussed me out after I defended my boyfriend who he was making fun of after he was shot and stabbed in the arm. And I would still have to deal with that person since he's doing the repairs on my mom's house. So...my bf may have a bad attitude but my relatives may be worse.

My bf has never once left me. It's always been me leaving him. The only thing I dont like about him is his bad attitude and wish he'd clean more otherwise i love my bf.

He's been with me at the hospital when I was suicidal and yes he has taken care of groceries and rent when I didn't have the money.

Like I said his only issue is his bad attitude and he's in denial that he has one or an anger problem.

Yes he didn't want to let me back but he did. He was mad I left when he was at work. That's why.

 

[ubicaritas]

If you go into a relationship expecting your partner to change into your liking, that isn't healthy and that isn't particularly loving.

People can and do disagree on religion and still hold relationship together. Don't allow religious legalism to harm your life or your relationships. Love starts with small sacrifices, such as setting aside our need to control situations and to be right.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

Yeah I can't just move out and break my lease contract and leave him with huge bill just because I'm not legally married. It doesn't make financial sense and it's a jerk move. And I still want to be with him.... and then let's not forget as soon as I leave I immediately have a panic attack and realize I am back at my mom's house with no one and nothing worth living for. With the same people here telling me I need to have the joy of God and that I made a good decision when I'm sobbing for hour ready to hang myself. Yeah suicidal, terrible family, and debt and financial ruin versus sin and bad attitude.. you can see which one sounds worse.

 

[Greg Merrill]

How to pray when cohabitating in this way. "Father, I repent of this sin, and will be moving out. Forgive me, and help me to change my ways and live in righteousness instead of like the world. Amen."

 

[turkle]

You mention that your boyfriend has a worldly attitude, but then so do you. If marriage is simply "a piece of paper" to you, then you have a worldly attitude. If you commit yourself financially, such as signing a lease, to a man that you are not married to, then you have a worldly attitude. If you want to marry a person with an awful attitude who does not follow God, then you have a worldly attitude.

I understand that you have made choices for financial reasons. But that is not the way of God. When you willfully reject what he says about marriage, and continue to do so when you know what He says, then you have rejected Him. And while He still hears your prayers, I can't think of any examples of Him blessing someone who is rejecting Him.

I also understand that you have gotten yourself into a situation where there are no good alternatives. Unfortunately, we all have to suffer the consequences of our ungodly choices. At this point, I believe that the prayer that He will hear and honor is one of repentance and commitment to follow His leading. That means that you put His will above your circumstances, and are willing to follow His guidance and stop living in a manner that is clearly displeasing to Him. When you die to self, He guides you. But when you manipulate things your own way, He removes His hand and allows your free will to experience what ever consequences follow.

On another note, why you could possibly want to marry someone with such a bad attitude is beyond me. To choose someone who is ungodly, disrespectful and angry, and then want them to change is always a sucker bet. If you are wise, you will go to God and give the entire situation to Him, and be willing to walk away from this (based upon what you've said before) toxic relationship.

So then answer to the question of how to pray when you're cohabiting, is to pray, like Jesus, "not my will, but Yours".

 

[LoricaLady]

Pray to get out of the relationship. I have seen so many women on this forum who married unbelievers and were bemoaning their fate. I see from comments above that the man has been abusive to you. You can count on it, the abuse would increase with marriage, and probably will increase even with out marriage. Also, of course, we are not to "cohabit" with those we are not married to. I pray for wisdom for you, light, and escape, and healing. You are free to walk out and get a new life now. Don't miss that opportunity.

 

[vinsight4u]

This is actually a lot of wrong information. I actually left the apartment in the first place cause I was tired of his attitude. I left while he was at work he never kicked me out. My sister and her husband let me go back however they are not trust worthy people and I really rather not stay with my family of possible. Infact they are trying to convince my mentally I'll mom to go to a home so they can rent out her house for a profit. And her husband cussed me out after I defended my boyfriend who he was making fun of after he was shot and stabbed in the arm. And I would still have to deal with that person since he's doing the repairs on my mom's house. So...my bf may have a bad attitude but my relatives may be worse.

My bf has never once left me. It's always been me leaving him. The only thing I dont like about him is his bad attitude and wish he'd clean more otherwise i love my bf.

He's been with me at the hospital when I was suicidal and yes he has taken care of groceries and rent when I didn't have the money.

Like I said his only issue is his bad attitude and he's in denial that he has one or an anger problem.

Yes he didn't want to let me back but he did. He was mad I left when he was at work. That's why.

Sorry. You had left me with the idea that your boyfriend had helped you go through several thousands of dollars in a short time, due to getting an apartment, food, etc. Some of us told you that if your name is on the lease, then you have a legal right to live there. That guy cannot keep you from staying where you are on the lease. You got angry with me, as to I told you that even if you don't live there, you still could end up owing for that apartment. You had already paid for May, yet you were out of there before the final week of that month was over. You did not tell us about he was mad because you left while he was at work. You made it seem as if he was angry, because you did not have the rent for June. June was still about a week from then.
You also told us something as to he has no phone, or can't take calls at work.

So, now - it was basically that you were wanting him to change his ways - his behavior that he already has had for quite some time. You got tired of waiting, so you left without telling him. You then wanted to move back in. Now, you are back there living together, not married. Why do you just keep hoping someday that he will make you his wife? He is using you. You are using him. He was shot in the arm or something a while back. When I saw the words you used as to your concern, then I saw what seemed to me like just a person caring about another one, not like help this is my sweetheart that got hurt.