How to politely tell someone to stop talking about certain things so much.

Catherineanne · Sep 8, 2011

zeener said:
I really don't get this. Why is death a loophole?

Any church which decides not to recognise divorce as spiritually valid will regard me as a widow.

Widows and widowers are not forbidden from remarrying. We can choose to remarry, or we can choose to remain widows; either is acceptable.

The marriage vow is; 'until death do us part'. Once my ex died, I was no longer constrained by my vows to remain faithful only to him. I can now choose to take another husband if I want to. If I remarried I would no longer be a widow, but a wife.

Chances are, however, that I won't.

Catherineanne · Sep 8, 2011

Migdala said:
Thank you-you don't know how much I appreciate that. You are the first person who has thought I was doing the right thing by following what the Bible says. Everyone else thinks I'm crazy.

No, you are not crazy.

I got in a conversation with one of my managers at work today, who says she is a Christian. She is married, and she came to me and asked me how to get a divorce......I asked her why she wanted a divorce, and she said she was just sick of her husband and wanted to date someone else.

If you don't mind me saying so, I would recommend only answering the question you are asked. If someone says, how do I get a divorce, tell them to get a lawyer. If, on the other hand, they ask, what does the Lord say about marriage, then tell them.

Mixing the two together is only going to lead to unhappiness all round.

I told her that the Bible says that divorce is permitted in the case of adultery, but that remarriage is considered a sin unless the spouse is dead. She just looked at me and said "Oh-I'm never getting married again-I just want to be in a relationship and live with someone, but not marry them." I knew that she did not want to follow the Bible and what Jesus teaches. Someone else walked in the door, so I did not finish the conversation-I really didn't see the point. She did not care, and just wanted to get rid of her husband and sleep around. Anyway, sorry for rambling. lol

Rambling is fine. Again, I would say leave other people to their lives, and let the Holy Spirit convict them of sin; if either you or I try we are pretty well bound to fail. And it is not easy to make friends if we go around reminding people of how inadequate they are in God's eyes; all have fallen short, so relax and chat about the weather, or the telly or whatever instead. Notice a new hair cut or new shoes.

The only sins I am authorised to deal with are my own, and they keep me busy enough. With other people I am here to be a friend, not the voice of their conscience.

Catherineanne · Sep 8, 2011

Migdala said:
Well, for me it means being reclusive. I have a very high sex drive. Always have had one, and probably always will. Aging has not stopped it at all. I have to stay as far away from people as I can, because if I'm around a good looking single man, I have temptations I shouldn't have. And if I'm around women talking about their relationships with their mates, then I get unwanted thoughts in my head too....which could lead to sin. So I have to avoid people as much as I can. I just sleep so I don't have to think.

In that case the answer is not to be a recluse. The answer is to find out what sublimation is, and do it.

I think it is very probable that the intrusive thoughts are there because you are fighting so hard to overcome them. You are like a person on a diet trying not to think of food. The more you try, the more you think of food. The only way to overcome this is to find something else to think about instead and to sublimate sexual energy into other areas of activity. This is one of mankind's cleverest tricks.

If women are out, and men are out, then maybe young people or elderly people; helping at a youth group or retirement home; somewhere where you are not going to be tempted. Going to bed and trying not to think is not a good way to spend your life.

Remember the story of the talents. Even if you have only one talent, you may not bury it under the ground unused. We have to find a way to be useful in this world, and not to live in fear.

And the final comment I would make is this; celibacy is a calling, and is not for everyone. Even though you think this is right for you, it may not be. A high sex drive would seem to indicate that God has other ideas, and if this is the case he will let you know. Time will tell on this one.

Migdala · Sep 8, 2011

Catherineanne said:
In that case the answer is not to be a recluse. The answer is to find out what sublimation is, and do it.

I think it is very probable that the intrusive thoughts are there because you are fighting so hard to overcome them. You are like a person on a diet trying not to think of food. The more you try, the more you think of food. The only way to overcome this is to find something else to think about instead and to sublimate sexual energy into other areas of activity. This is one of mankind's cleverest tricks.

If women are out, and men are out, then maybe young people or elderly people; helping at a youth group or retirement home; somewhere where you are not going to be tempted. Going to bed and trying not to think is not a good way to spend your life.

Remember the story of the talents. Even if you have only one talent, you may not bury it under the ground unused. We have to find a way to be useful in this world, and not to live in fear.

And the final comment I would make is this; celibacy is a calling, and is not for everyone. Even though you think this is right for you, it may not be. A high sex drive would seem to indicate that God has other ideas, and if this is the case he will let you know. Time will tell on this one.

I thought the same thing-why would God call me to celibacy and then give me a high sex drive? In fact, I have had two different people with the gift of prophecy tell me that I have a great husband "after God's own heart" in my future. But that clearly goes against what the Bible says, so I can't go by what they say.

I would love to use my talents, if I knew what they were. My entire life I have had NO clue if I have any talents. Literally no clue. I have tried to sign up to do volunteer work in nursing homes but was rejected because I have spots on my background check. They would not let me do it.

Everywhere I turn to try to serve in God's Kingdom, I either fail miserably, or I am rejected right from the start.

mrmccormo · Sep 8, 2011

That sounds very frustrating, OP. From an earthly standpoint, I can see why it is wearing on your nerves.

However - and I am simply offering the possibility - do you think that the Lord might be using this to help you move beyond your divorce, even though it is being done in a way that you wouldn't have expected? Just a thought. In a perfect world with perfect people, the right thing to do would be to show her Christ-like love and listen to her and not hold any resentment against her (which it sounds like you are beginning to hold resentment). I'm not swingin' an axe here. I know it can be frustrating. I'm just saying that maybe God has a lesson for you to learn here, and I doubt that lesson is "learn a neat new way to get your roomate to shut up".

Migdala · Sep 8, 2011

mrmccormo said:
That sounds very frustrating, OP. From an earthly standpoint, I can see why it is wearing on your nerves.

However - and I am simply offering the possibility - do you think that the Lord might be using this to help you move beyond your divorce, even though it is being done in a way that you wouldn't have expected? Just a thought. In a perfect world with perfect people, the right thing to do would be to show her Christ-like love and listen to her and not hold any resentment against her (which it sounds like you are beginning to hold resentment). I'm not swingin' an axe here. I know it can be frustrating. I'm just saying that maybe God has a lesson for you to learn here, and I doubt that lesson is "learn a neat new way to get your roomate to shut up".

Yes, I've thought that too. No idea what the lesson is. But if it wasn't for the talking about her boyfriend, she still complains all the time. But things are better a bit. I went to her and asked her if I could pray for her and she let me. She seems to be a bit nicer when I see her. I just have nothing at all in common with her,and I am a loner anyway, so it's just easier to avoid her as much as I can.

mrmccormo · Sep 8, 2011

Migdala said:
Yes, I've thought that too. No idea what the lesson is. But if it wasn't for the talking about her boyfriend, she still complains all the time. But things are better a bit. I went to her and asked her if I could pray for her and she let me. She seems to be a bit nicer when I see her. I just have nothing at all in common with her,and I am a loner anyway, so it's just easier to avoid her as much as I can.

Why be a loner? Maybe God wants you to reach out to (or be reached by) other people around you. You've already said in several of your other posts that you "have no social life", that you'd "rather stay in your room alone", and "I have so much baggage so why even try?" and so forth. Maybe I'm just reading the situation wrong, and of course I am simply offering these as possibilities, not fact.

I'm not trying to say that I know what is going on in your life or what God would want for you. But I do know that when God created Adam, God said "it is not good for Man to be alone". This isn't just in regards to marriage. I think this has to do with friendship and socialization, too.

Maybe it is time to let go of your long-held opinions of yourself. You are not a loner. No one is. You are God's child, and you have a lot of brothers and sisters out there. Maybe it is time for you to have friends, have fun, have a life that you can enjoy. There is no value in sitting down and accepting "Gee, I guess I'm just a loner. Oh well..."

Forgive me for any presumptions I'm making, but I feel like it just had to be said.

Migdala · Sep 8, 2011

mrmccormo said:
Why be a loner? Maybe God wants you to reach out to (or be reached by) other people around you. You've already said in several of your other posts that you "have no social life", that you'd "rather stay in your room alone", and "I have so much baggage so why even try?" and so forth. Maybe I'm just reading the situation wrong, and of course I am simply offering these as possibilities, not fact.

I'm not trying to say that I know what is going on in your life or what God would want for you. But I do know that when God created Adam, God said "it is not good for Man to be alone". This isn't just in regards to marriage. I think this has to do with friendship and socialization, too.

Maybe it is time to let go of your long-held opinions of yourself. You are not a loner. No one is. You are God's child, and you have a lot of brothers and sisters out there. Maybe it is time for you to have friends, have fun, have a life that you can enjoy. There is no value in sitting down and accepting "Gee, I guess I'm just a loner. Oh well..."

Forgive me for any presumptions I'm making, but I feel like it just had to be said.

I have tried to make friends, but people do not like me once they get to know me and all my baggage. I have many aquaintences, but no friends.

mrmccormo · Sep 8, 2011

Migdala said:
I have tried to make friends, but people do not like me once they get to know me and all my baggage. I have many aquaintences, but no friends.

I cannot tell you what to do, only that you should not give up on yourself so easily. Baggage is only baggage for as long as you carry it. Yeah, easier said than done, but it's the truth.

Now, I'm not saying that you should lie or deceive your friends, but why do you have to bring up this baggage in the first place? Is your baggage something you feel you need to bring up? Is it something that hangs in the back of your mind like a reminder: if they know this, then they probably won't even want to talk to me. That sounds to me, dear friend, like the side-effects of terrible guilt and low self-worth. I hope that you would please take the time to reevaluate who you really are. You are not a loner.

Again, please pardon me because I do not know your situation. I am simply hoping that something I say might help. If you would like to continue talking feel free to send me a message instead of talking in this thread, but that is entirely up to you. God bless.

Four Years · Sep 8, 2011

Maybe you should be happy for her instead of thinking about yourself.

Autumnleaf said:
Maybe she thinks her room mate is sad all the time and wants to share something she is happy about with her to try to cheer her up.

Wow...you are either laughably naive or just incredibly insensitive.

Niether are traits I hold in high regard.

Catherineanne · Sep 8, 2011

Migdala said:
I thought the same thing-why would God call me to celibacy and then give me a high sex drive? In fact, I have had two different people with the gift of prophecy tell me that I have a great husband "after God's own heart" in my future. But that clearly goes against what the Bible says, so I can't go by what they say.

I would love to use my talents, if I knew what they were. My entire life I have had NO clue if I have any talents. Literally no clue. I have tried to sign up to do volunteer work in nursing homes but was rejected because I have spots on my background check. They would not let me do it.

Everywhere I turn to try to serve in God's Kingdom, I either fail miserably, or I am rejected right from the start.

That is really tough, and I can understand you getting dispirited, but don't give up. If you can't help in a nursing home, then perhaps a charity shop? That would at least get you out of the house.

I am not really one to talk; I am very reclusive myself, but at least I try. I work as a school governor, and my priest has just asked me to be church treasurer, so I am likely to be more and more busy in the future.

There must be something you can do; some way to use your gifts.

How to politely tell someone to stop talking about certain things so much.

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