So what do you think I should say to this person? They are a smart person and so were probably off on a genuine reason I presume. So I feel like a jerk not helping but I don’t want to help lol.
I have so far managed to ignore their message and avoid bumping into them in class (only 15 people).
Do I give in this once and send my iPad notes to them or what do you think I should do?
I really don’t know. I feel bad not helping but it’s a lot of notes to send.
I copied one person once because I had to leave the country for a day and the only other time when I missed the first 45 minutes of class because I missed my train accidentally.
But in my head I’m thinking am I being prejudiced? Am I not sending because this person is a competitor, because this person asking for large volume for notes, because I’ve never spoken to them?
If it was person I spoke to regularly I’d probably be more willing I think.
I really believe you need to practice the courage of saying no to people. Rather than it causing more problems for you, I think it will alleviate them and empower you. The U.S. president Theodore Roosevelt said: "In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." I understand that for you the dilemma is that you're uncertain and confused over what the right thing to do is, and you fear you will be negatively judged if you do what will be perceived as the wrong thing. This is a really common predicament to be in because frequently there's not a clearly defined right or wrong, black or white, and it falls in the huge spectrum of gray.
I think it's helpful to seek clarifications to better understand the situation. You don't know why she needs the notes because you haven't asked her why. Knowing the reason could change the context. Don't let questions bounce around in your head tormenting you like a ball constantly thrown against a wall when you have access to the answers. You're unsure as to whether or not she missed a class, but she could give you certainty. Reply to her message with something like "Hi, why do you need my notes? Did you miss a class?" It will be easier to make a decision depending on her answer to those questions. It could be that she didn't miss any classes, but felt she hadn't taken strong notes, or hadn't understood something clearly. If she explains that to you, then maybe without sharing your notes you could simply provide her with an explanation of what was covered, or point her in a helpful direction. If she tells you she did miss class for some sympathetic reason like having been ill, then you'll feel less resentful and annoyed that she made the request for you to share your notes. You will still be entitled to decline, and you can do so while still showing kindness to her. Something like "I'm sorry you were ill.
I really don't like sharing my notes. Is there someone else in the class you could ask?"
You can be helpful to people without granting their requests. Before agonizing over giving a yes or no answer consider if there's any others you can give. Such as pointing her in a helpful direction. Let's say she did miss the class and there was so legitimate reason for it. You could simply explain to her what was covered in the class and point to any relevant chapters in your textbook. Yes, doing so will take some of your time, but much less of it than continuing to deliberate over whether or not to share your notes. Let's say she didn't miss the class but felt her own notes were inadequate. Ask her what, precisely, she's seeking better notes on, and then just explain that to her without actually giving her your notes.
Whatever the case may be, it's
not wrong for you to decline to share your notes. It truly isn't. This is really a matter of preference and circumstance. You had a legitimate need for the notes from the classes you missed. If you didn't explain that need to them, you could have if asked. They could have completely different preferences about sharing their notes than you. They could have a different style of note taking that is more conducive to sharing. It's sort of like how on flights people frequently ask other passengers to swap seats. It's not inherently right or wrong to decline. It really depends both on the reason for the request and personal preferences. Sometimes there's not any specific reason for the request beyond preference. A person who is given a window seat but prefers the aisle asking the person in their row who is sitting in the aisle seat to swap. Maybe the person in the aisle seat prefers the window and is happy to make the swap. But maybe the person in the aisle seats also prefers the aisle seat, so politely declines the swap. The only impolite response would be to ignore the person altogether and pretend the request hadn't been made when it clearly had been.
So to sum this up, I think the only wrong choice of action you can take is inaction. She doesn't know that this is a decision you've actually given considerable thought into making. If you don't verbally communicate with her then all she has to go by is your body language, your avoidance of her. That could lead to her misperceiving you as aloof. By this point she could have already asked another classmate for their notes since you haven't responded to her request. You need to just reply to her.
