How to kill romantic feelings for someone?

[Steve Petersen]

Hi all, I have developed feelings for a friend and I don't want those feelings, I am happy being single at the moment, trouble is we go to the same church and socialise in the same groups.@

whats the best ways to allow those feelings to fade? time + distance? what else?

Imagine them on the toilet.

 

[Ben Collyer]

Both. You need to put space between you and the other person, and give it time.


Both. You need to put space between you and the other person, and give it time.

what if i give it space and time and then when we finally meet up again after a month or so the feelings come back? i just want to save the friendship

 

[Dirk1540]

How so?
Granted I avoid lots of relationship problems, but being entirely and utterly alone for life, isn't perfect either.
I certainly wouldn't recommend this life to anyone else, even though it's my choice.

Why is it your choice? Do you fight the impulse to be with someone, or do you instead seem to have a default setting where it just feels normal to be alone? If it’s the 1st one and not the 2nd why would you fight it?

 

[Dirk1540]

what if i give it space and time and then when we finally meet up again after a month or so the feelings come back? i just want to save the friendship

Friendship is the ultimate foundation for a romantic relationship. If your partner is also your best friend then you just found the most favorable scenario possible.

 

[Andrew77]

Why is it your choice? Do you fight the impulse to be with someone, or do you instead seem to have a default setting where it just feels normal to be alone? If it’s the 1st one and not the 2nd why would you fight it?

Sure. Everyone has the 'impulse' to be with someone, I just ignore mine. By choice.

In fact, there have been numerous women (not hundreds, I'm not like some sort of 'ladies man' or anything), but more than a few that made it clear that they wanted to be more than just friends.

In every instance, the moment they indicate that level of interest, I disconnect. I do whatever it takes to drive them away. Why? Because I'd rather be alone. People hurt you. I don't need them in my life.

I've had never been on an actual "date" until last year (was age 40)... and that was a fluke. I felt so bad for the girl that was asking me (she was so nervous and trembling with her little cat eyes), that I agreed to go out on a date. That was almost 12 months ago. Won't happen again.

Every few years I get to thinking that I might be missing out.... but usually right about that time someone treats me like I am trash, and I remember why I stay single. lol. I know that sounds odd, but it's happened repeatedly for years. As long as I stay away from people, I'm good.

 

[dysert]

whats the best ways to allow those feelings to fade? time + distance? what else?

List their faults, in detail.

Ben, you ostensibly came here for advice. The advice Inkfingers gave you is the best advice I can think of. If you really want the feelings to fade, do it. And every time she pops into your head start going over the list again and again.

 

[Sam91]

Hi all, I have developed feelings for a friend and I don't want those feelings, I am happy being single at the moment, trouble is we go to the same church and socialise in the same groups.@

whats the best ways to allow those feelings to fade? time + distance? what else?

CBT. Remind yourself of why you are happy and why they couldn't be a good partner. Value the friendship and let time help. It might not work, but it just may. It depends how much you want to remain alone.

 

[Dirk1540]

Ben, you ostensibly came here for advice. The advice Inkfingers gave you is the best advice I can think of. If you really want the feelings to fade, do it. And every time she pops into your head start going over the list again and again.

Can’t we just go by my rules? Where we do the exact opposite of what the OP is asking for lol?

 

[carolina16]

The only thing I can contribute is that if your relationship with the Lord is not strong, do not establish a relationship.

 

[Chinchilla]

Hi all, I have developed feelings for a friend and I don't want those feelings, I am happy being single at the moment, trouble is we go to the same church and socialise in the same groups.@

whats the best ways to allow those feelings to fade? time + distance? what else?

Best way to solve that would be to marry because you will still be alone cuz you become one flesh .

 

[Steve Petersen]

Hi all, I have developed feelings for a friend and I don't want those feelings, I am happy being single at the moment, trouble is we go to the same church and socialise in the same groups.@

whats the best ways to allow those feelings to fade? time + distance? what else?

Marry them.