How to have a good relationship with God when you have a distorted view?

[ReformedJen]

I have prayed about this, and God knows this directly but does not fix this problem easily for some reason. God has told me to be more honest and quit lying to myself and not be hypocritical about Him or what my real feelings are. The problem is when you take everything away, my views of God are not right. I read all these things like we are supposed to love God as best we can, but for me in prayer if I praise and say thanks because we have to even if I mean it, I feel like prayer is too organized. Even if I still pour my heart out to Him and talk to him openly, I feel like my fear of Him is too strong. Fear of what he will do in my life, all the rules and commandments, all the things I am not supposed to do that is hard not to do, how do you have a good view of God when you are plagued with thoughts everyday, and feelings of being numb, fearful. I hear people say..they have fallen in love with God, and i am thinking..how on earth do you do that? Being told you have to do it, and command it on you diminishes it in the human mind. You want to, but you still feel like you have eons to go. I would love some understanding here...

 

[Goodbook]

Well thats why we have an advocate in Jesus. How can you not love Jesus? Read the gospels and see what a wonderful man he is. JEsus is Gods son and shows us the Father.

 

[MWood]

Well thats why we have an advocate in Jesus. How can you not love Jesus? Read the gospels and see what a wonderful man he is. JEsus is Gods son and shows us the Father.

The epistles of Paul tells us who God is and explains all what Jesus accomplished when He died on the cross. A new revelation from God never before revealed to man before being revealed to Paul. Study these epistles. They are for everyone in this age of Grace.

 

[Goodbook]

Yes but read the gospels first.
Thats finding out what your saviour did on earth when He was here. Look how Jesus related to God - as His Father. That is the relationship we christians have with Him. If you believe what He did - and the gospels are true witness accounts and historically FACT, then you can experience Him in your life. You must believe who Jesus says He is. As far as I know, Jesus did nothing that would make me fear Him. He just loved. He healed, he laughed, he told the Pharisees where to go, he rebuked those that needed rebuking, he did miracles, he cast out demons. Can you not fall in love with a man like this? I challenge you.

 

[twin1954]

I have prayed about this, and God knows this directly but does not fix this problem easily for some reason. God has told me to be more honest and quit lying to myself and not be hypocritical about Him or what my real feelings are. The problem is when you take everything away, my views of God are not right. I read all these things like we are supposed to love God as best we can, but for me in prayer if I praise and say thanks because we have to even if I mean it, I feel like prayer is too organized. Even if I still pour my heart out to Him and talk to him openly, I feel like my fear of Him is too strong. Fear of what he will do in my life, all the rules and commandments, all the things I am not supposed to do that is hard not to do, how do you have a good view of God when you are plagued with thoughts everyday, and feelings of being numb, fearful. I hear people say..they have fallen in love with God, and i am thinking..how on earth do you do that? Being told you have to do it, and command it on you diminishes it in the human mind. You want to, but you still feel like you have eons to go. I would love some understanding here...

I suspect that you attend a Reformed Baptist church. They do have a tendency to kill love for God with all their use of the Law as a rule of life and their strict church discipline. They are so caught up in holiness of life in their members and tend to be very judgmental of everyone but themselves. They inspire more fear in the people than they do love. I know this by experience.

The simple fact is that the Lord Jesus is enough to satisfy all the requirements of God and is enough to meet all the needs of the sinner. You need to quit looking at yourself, because that is what you have been continually pointed to, and look to Christ alone. When you can see that He is your all in all and enough for you and God you will be truly free. Rest in His finished work not your doctrinal knowledge or holy living. When you actually find rest in Him, that is you quit working in order to please Him or to gain something from Him, you will truly be free to work out of love for Him.

 

[twin1954]

I have prayed about this, and God knows this directly but does not fix this problem easily for some reason. God has told me to be more honest and quit lying to myself and not be hypocritical about Him or what my real feelings are. The problem is when you take everything away, my views of God are not right. I read all these things like we are supposed to love God as best we can, but for me in prayer if I praise and say thanks because we have to even if I mean it, I feel like prayer is too organized. Even if I still pour my heart out to Him and talk to him openly, I feel like my fear of Him is too strong. Fear of what he will do in my life, all the rules and commandments, all the things I am not supposed to do that is hard not to do, how do you have a good view of God when you are plagued with thoughts everyday, and feelings of being numb, fearful. I hear people say..they have fallen in love with God, and i am thinking..how on earth do you do that? Being told you have to do it, and command it on you diminishes it in the human mind. You want to, but you still feel like you have eons to go. I would love some understanding here...

Send me a private message if you would like to talk more about this.

 

[Hieronymus]

I have prayed about this, and God knows this directly but does not fix this problem easily for some reason.

In my experience, God takes the long and thorough path with us.
That's why longsuffering is a virtue, a fruit.

 

[ReformedJen]

Number One, I have read the Gospels. I have read the entire New Testament and read the small books several times. i have even read 1 John about five or six times. I do not hate Jesus or I cannot be saved. What I was saying was on a deeper level, how is it possible to feel love for a God that does focus on rules and guidelines and you stand in fear of Him so much love is hard. That is what I was trying to tell you. I have prayed about this, God knows it. I asked him to please show me a way to feel better, and I am still waiting for answers.

 

[ReformedJen]

I suspect that you attend a Reformed Baptist church. They do have a tendency to kill love for God with all their use of the Law as a rule of life and their strict church discipline. They are so caught up in holiness of life in their members and tend to be very judgmental of everyone but themselves. They inspire more fear in the people than they do love. I know this by experience.

The simple fact is that the Lord Jesus is enough to satisfy all the requirements of God and is enough to meet all the needs of the sinner. You need to quit looking at yourself, because that is what you have been continually pointed to, and look to Christ alone. When you can see that He is your all in all and enough for you and God you will be truly free. Rest in His finished work not your doctrinal knowledge or holy living. When you actually find rest in Him, that is you quit working in order to please Him or to gain something from Him, you will truly be free to work out of love for Him.

Yes I go to an Independent Baptist Church. I know they are made fun of a lot, but he does talk of God's love a lot. He does talk about blessings, and how to live a good life and so forth but they dont sugar coat anything. And yes they can inspire fear, its not perfect but im not a charismatic so I have to go with the biblical stance. Yes I can rest in his finished work, that is true. Nice thoughts, thank you!

 

[ReformedJen]

Yes but read the gospels first.
Thats finding out what your saviour did on earth when He was here. Look how Jesus related to God - as His Father. That is the relationship we christians have with Him. If you believe what He did - and the gospels are true witness accounts and historically FACT, then you can experience Him in your life. You must believe who Jesus says He is. As far as I know, Jesus did nothing that would make me fear Him. He just loved. He healed, he laughed, he told the Pharisees where to go, he rebuked those that needed rebuking, he did miracles, he cast out demons. Can you not fall in love with a man like this? I challenge you.

I have read it, and read it. My mind is numb. I know Jesus was a good man. But isnt God the Father a little different? He was the same Father in the old testament that had people in Numbers crawl after a pole with snakes on it, destroyed nations, and will come back with great wrath. I guess I have an image of a wild God.

 

[mikedsjr]

Jen, I think you are one of the few who have truly looked hard at what pastors say and take all they day to heart. The church can tell us about God's love and mercy, but when they distort the law of God and tell us "if you're not bearing fruit you might not be truly saved" it can wreck us. The church just becomes, "you're a Christian, now act like it and fear God!". There is very little comfort given to us in church, which should be every week and the most important part of every week, that we in Christ have had our sins forgiven and those who are not can rest in Christ. Talking of God's love a lot is not the same thing as talking of the comfort we have in knowing our sins are forgiven. Teaching about how to receive blessings from God is work righteousness. Teaching how to love a good life is work righteousness and you're burdened down by it. You're in chains to work righteousness. I used to be reformed in my view, until I started listening to Lutheran pastors. I was angry. I hated church. I still go to a Baptist church but a different one now. I've never been able to go to a reformed church and now I know why. I knew they have the ability to chain certain personalities down. Mine was one of them. With my personality, I take things very literally. I would never sing"I surrender all" in church because I can't. Any one singing it is a liar imo.

I haven't quite relinquished all my reformed views but I also can't talk about my views much because I'm baptist and they don't like Lutheran views. So I'm kind of a Baptheran. And more importantly I have found my rest in Christ.

Imo, I don't care what it takes for you to find rest in Christ. Listen to a podcast like Fighting for the Faith with Chris Rose rough. It might soften you up to be able to listen to a podcast like Table Talk Radio.

Keep seeking comfort in this. You will get it.


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[ReformedJen]

Thanks for your reply Mike. The problem I have is I have a deep mind, it has nothing to do with my church, and more to do with what I read. My mother sadly has nothing but Charles stanley books and he is extremely straightfoward and it just helps to read more than one person sometimes instead of a world of Stanley..lol As far as denominations go, I am sorry but I dont go to churches that dont believe in salvation and I thought Lutheran was one of them. I do need to rest in Christ more but when you strip all the churches down and go to one that teaches the Bible correctly, Baptists are it. Just because there are some really bad pastors out there, people hate baptists and they assume that I have been beaten down by them. i have beaten down by my own mind, and have heavily been under warfare a lot as well and listened to a lot of lies satan put out. And then its just hard being a christian. I had to give up lesbianism, new age, and an entire identity and its been a rough transition for me. very very hard. I have not done anything sinful but knowing I cant ever again be with a woman, is excruciating but if its wrong to God, so be it. I know my Pastor is not the kind you all are talking about. He is a passionate man, but he is pretty good in my opinion. Baptists is not perfect but I would rather go to a church that focuses on salvation which is what God wants, then churches that dont preach that..

 

[mikedsjr]

Thanks for your reply Mike. The problem I have is I have a deep mind, it has nothing to do with my church, and more to do with what I read. My mother sadly has nothing but Charles stanley books and he is extremely straightfoward and it just helps to read more than one person sometimes instead of a world of Stanley..lol As far as denominations go, I am sorry but I dont go to churches that dont believe in salvation and I thought Lutheran was one of them. I do need to rest in Christ more but when you strip all the churches down and go to one that teaches the Bible correctly, Baptists are it. Just because there are some really bad pastors out there, people hate baptists and they assume that I have been beaten down by them. i have beaten down by my own mind, and have heavily been under warfare a lot as well and listened to a lot of lies satan put out. And then its just hard being a christian. I had to give up lesbianism, new age, and an entire identity and its been a rough transition for me. very very hard. I have not done anything sinful but knowing I cant ever again be with a woman, is excruciating but if its wrong to God, so be it. I know my Pastor is not the kind you all are talking about. He is a passionate man, but he is pretty good in my opinion. Baptists is not perfect but I would rather go to a church that focuses on salvation which is what God wants, then churches that dont preach that..

Jen, I appreciate the insight into your struggle. The dealing issues the world is outright denying is a problem, but celebrating it, adds to this. And the church has a difficulty having compassion for the sins like they have compassion for divorce and remarriage that's not due to adultery. There is a difference between preaching the love of God and really feeling the love of God come across after it is said. Truth is truth, yes. Truth given with love slapping you across the face and truth given with a compassionate love have different affects. Sometimes one is better than the other. Sometimes we need a lot of compassionate truth and we don't realize it until we've been in it awhile. I'm not trying to convince you of what you need. It's as much a reminder for me. In some of my angriest times at the church I used to get frustrated at I did have a pastor there who talked with me and I would defend my positions with, but he gave me a huge piece of advice that I haven't forgot. "Truth needs to be given with love. And you need to learn to love." It wasn't that I was unloving. It was I was unloving to other Christians, especially in leadership, because I saw the hypocrisy.

Sure, there is some disagreements in Lutheran and Baptist theology. But at the heart of it all is agreement you might be surprised with. The podcast helped me. And one thing else that helped me is trimming out the number of voices in Christianity outside of my church. There are teachers I like and even some of them I've stopped listening to. For me, I needed to relax in God's rest. And trimming the voices helped. The main reason I enjoy the Lutheran podcast is some of them are so extremely relaxed and feel like normal people who just love God and his doctrine. Within baptist circles, this can be a bit awkward. There are some podcast I hated at first because I couldn't take them seriously at all and now I just realize they are real people with real lives like enjoy having a bit of fun at their own expense. And I needed that.

Whatever it takes to find your comfort without sacrificing your doctrinal beliefs, keep praying and keep moving forward. Take one step at a time. Dont measure your growth by others but by where you where before.


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[ReformedJen]

Thank you again, yes I dont need to measure my growth by others. It is about a relationship with God that is the most important part of it all to me and I think that is one thing we can all agree on.

 

[98cwitr]

How can you not love Jesus?

John 14:15

By not doing what He says to do. We fail to love Christ when we fail to love others (more to this in Matthew 25) as much as we love ourselves.

OP, Im not going to sugarcoat a response, but I will say I know exactly what you're going through...I know the numbness.