How to handle the long distance?

[KGirl]

Lately I've been a happier person for the most part.. But every time I talk to my fiance on the phone I get depressed or bummed because I can't see him. We're in a long-distance relationship, and I don't know how to handle it. It makes things harder bc we argue more. And it puts him in a bad mood some too when I'm all bummed. And that's the only way we can communicate when we don't see each other, so if I'm bummed every time we communicate, what kind of relationship will this be? I can't seem to help it! There are rare times when I'm happy while talking to him and we joke around, but I dunno what to do the rest of the time. The last 3 days I was occupied with cousins and family members, and I didn't think about him much (or get much into the thoughts when I did think of him) and so I was happier. So I was thinking "If I'm happier when not talking to him, should I just not talk to him to make things easier?" And he's gonna go into the military, so I'm gonna have to only write to him.. I want to feel lucky that I can at least talk to him, but it hasn't worked that way.
He gets happier when he can talk to me though.

What should I do?

 

[KGirl]

Please help.

 

[KGirl]

Can anyone help? This is really hard. I don't wanna seem despirate for help, though maybe I am!

 

[retooferab]

Hi! Well, your situation does remind me of my early dating relationship with my wife. We were at opposite ends of Illinois, and maintained a long-distance relationship for about 9 months till we could be together. We wrote to each other every day, and I really enjoyed writing to her and reading her letters. It was kinda like we were together while I was reading or writing... Now, here is another important concept that we illustrated (without knowing it at the time): We were each feeling loved. I was feeling loved because words are my primary love language, and I received lots of words of affirmation and love from her in her letters. She on the other hand felt loved because gifts are her primary love language... getting letters everyday was like getting love gifts. What I'm getting at here is based on the book by Gary Chapman called: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Actually, I read the Five Love Languages of Children, and now am starting to read ...of adolescents. Anyway, the primary love languages that we all have usually fall into one of these categories, and we need to feel loved to be happy: 1 - words of affirmation (mine), 2 - quality time, 3 - receiving gifts (my wife's), 4 - acts of service, 5 - physical touch. I highly recommend the book, and it is written by a Christian and with a Christian perspective. Soooooo, what I'm getting at is maybe one or both of you aren't feeling loved while your relationship is long-distance because you aren't being filled up with your primary love language. I hope this is helpful and not confusing to you. Maybe you can find a creative way to give and receive love based on what you learn. God bless!

 

[desi]

You're 19!, move to where he is.

 

[KGirl]

He's going into the military in January or February so it would be pointless to move to his state then move right back, besides, we don't have the money. He's living with grandmother who hates me (and generally everyone unless you're German or finished school) while he saves up money and spends money on his car payments and such with a medium wage job (I guess that best describes it). He's going into the military so we can get the money to get married and raise a family. He couldn't move here because we can't offord another person..

 

[growingupinhim]

you say your happier when you don't talk to him..that there is a sign you migh not care for him as much as you think..also how often do you see him? Next time you guys talk keep it christ like..true love and compassion for one another...

 

[desi]

He's going into the military in January or February so it would be pointless to move to his state then move right back, besides, we don't have the money. He's living with grandmother who hates me (and generally everyone unless you're German or finished school) while he saves up money and spends money on his car payments and such with a medium wage job (I guess that best describes it). He's going into the military so we can get the money to get married and raise a family. He couldn't move here because we can't offord another person..

So marry him, then his family will have to accept you.

 

[retooferab]

So marry him, then his family will have to accept you.

Mmmm.... don't think I'd recommend that based on what KGirl has written so far...

 

[KGirl]

Ugh, I can't marry him even if I wanted to, because if we got married they'd do a background check on him, and if we're not already financially stable, they could take him out before he gets in. Once he's in, it doesn't matter, though we'd be more ready by then anyways because we'd have more money. We've discussed all of this stuff already.. It wasn't that I didn't like him when I was around him, I'd just get depressed because I'd want to be around him all the time. I gotta take something back though. I'm more happy then unhappy while around him (that also would depend if I was happy about myself too). Sometimes while around him I'd get sad. When I would talk on the phone with him I'd get depressed.

 

[KGirl]

By the way, I'm doing much better now, though I'd still like to know what to do in case I get like I was. Thanks for the advice guys..