How to get through!

[RachelZ]

Hi...hope everyone's at least not too bad!

Im really struggling...feeling anxious and guilty because of the way I am thinking and feeling...I wish this didn't have to be about my relationship! Was thinking this morning...which is often a bad idea but trying to turn my brain off is a challenge in itself...I couldn't even concentrate and keep focussed trying to take it all to God...anyway...I was thinking that maybe for me the doubting is what I do when I'm faced with unpalatable truths! What I mean is that say I realise something and I don't like or can't cope with what I've realised then I go into a cycle of doubting and confusion cos I'm desperately trying to prove that the opposite is true. Right now that feels like it really could be the reality of my situation and if so then I am in a worse place than I realise. It is one thing to have a certain sense that with OCD the chances are there's no firm basis to what one fears but if this is not the case with me then I'm lost. I have to go to two Christmas services today, be all lovely and chatty with people and also have a meal out with some of my husband's family. How can I keep doing all that is required of me when I am feeling like this? I know the answer is well it's tough I just have to...but I just would so love a little bit of hope. I can't seem to take this properly to God...I'll try again but if you could pray too then I'd really appreciate it...but if you think what I'm saying sounds right I'd rather know the brutal truth. Many thanks, take care, Rachel

 

[ObsessedButBlessed]

Rachel, what would happen if you suddenly knew "the truth?" What would it change? nothing. you have said before that even if your fears were real, you would stay married and figure out a way to make this work. So, if your fears were "the truth," then it would change nothing about your situation. Secondly, God's truth is never one of fear, and a truth of God's would never be to get divorced! So I think we can rule out the "truth" that your OCD is trying to tell you!

I don't know if anyone with OCD ever truly knows that it's OCD, and if they did, then it wouldn't be OCD because we would have the ability to put these thoughts to rest. I know exactly the spikes of maybe you're just hiding from the truth, maybe you're using OCD as an excuse, maybe the doubts are really "reality speaking," and you're just denying the truth. Oh have I been there!

But I just celebrated my second wedding anniversary and so far "the truth" hasn't happened. Why not try to get through this week focusing on what Christ has done for us, and that even in the middle of all this OCD stuff, he still cares for us? Keep praying, Rachel. I will pray for you, too!

 

[RachelZ]

Hi Sad...thanks for your reply...sorry it's taken a while to respond!

I hear what you're saying in that even if the dreaded truth were true it wouldn't change the outcome in terms of staying married...and also that God wouldn't reveal a truth to be get a divorce. I guess my problem is that the truth could be that I shouldn't have gotten married to this guy and that I feel so bad because I made a wrong/unwise choice. I know that then He would be saying but the bottom line is you made your bed so lie in it. The truth for me isn't something that might happen but something that may have already happened...if that makes sense.

Thanks for your prayers and support...hope you have a fab Christmas...take care, Rachel

 

[kaykay9.0]

Hi Sad...thanks for your reply...sorry it's taken a while to respond!

I hear what you're saying in that even if the dreaded truth were true it wouldn't change the outcome in terms of staying married...and also that God wouldn't reveal a truth to be get a divorce. I guess my problem is that the truth could be that I shouldn't have gotten married to this guy and that I feel so bad because I made a wrong/unwise choice. I know that then He would be saying but the bottom line is you made your bed so lie in it. The truth for me isn't smething that might happen but something that may have already happened...if that makes sense.

Thanks for your prayers and support...hope you have a fab Christmas...take care, Rachel

First let me wish you a Merry Christmas, Rachel!

I think I have said this before but please consider this: Maybe you don't agree, but I think in this life we do see through a glass darkly and I just believe that even if we don't make the correct choice or decision that God is big enough and merciful enough to have a "Plan B" for our life! I guess what I'm saying is that He can redeem even something that shouldn't have happened. Does that make sense?

I think the OCD aspect does make us all tend to "second guess" the decisions, choices we've made much more than the average person who doesn't struggle with OCD. But I believe that God would have you try to just put this issue to rest in your life once and for all, and move on. (I know, I know, when it's "the big OCD issue" that's oh, so hard to do!) But I do believe that this is what the Lord would have you do with this.

 

[RachelZ]

Thanks KayKay...I agree about trying to move on...it's just the terrible idea that this could be plan b not plan a...it makes me feel guilty and mean and anxious!

Hope you have a lovely Christmas and a really great year ahead; I pray it will be as free as possible from OCD...thanks for all your help and support...take care, hugs, Rachel x

 

[kicker]

Hey rachel, I know how bad your suffering with this. I too have been consumed with thoughts about my marriage and "what ifs" gallore, but I have been married for 13 years and have been through lots of ups and downs but I'm still here and still in love. I have been through things I won't discuss here but I know God is in control of it all. God is in control of your marriage and has been since before you were ever born, you worry that maybe you married the wrong person or are settling for plan B but you're not. I believe we are free will human beings but if you made an unwise choice in marrying the wrong person or just maybe too soon remember that God saw your marriage before the foundations of the world were laid and if it was something He could not bless then He would have not allowed it to happen. Yeah we all make huge mistakes in life but God allows us to so He can show His remarkable grace, mercy and power. You married exactly who God wanted and needed you to marry to fulfill His greater purpose and that is too love you the way you needed to be loved to show you Christ. If you have accepted Christ then rest assured that He has you and your marriage in the palm of His hand where He can take care of it best. It may be hard sometimes and sometimes it may not feel as though love is there but it is and remember that love is not a feeling it is a choice. Choose to love your husband the best way you know how and God will bless you regardless of what may or may not happen in the future. Take care rachel and have a merry christmas!!!!!

James

 

[RachelZ]

Hey James, thank you so much for that lovely and encouraging post and for sharing a bit about you rown struggles...it helps to know you understand! Hope you have a fab Christmas and new year...take care, Rachel

PS Sorry its' such a brief reply, don't have much time but I really did appreciate your post.

 

[RachelZ]

In addition James, I totally agree re. love being a choice not feeling! Sorry you've had you've own struggles in this area but thank you for being willing to use those experiences to reach out to someone else!

Hope you are having a lovely and OCD free Christmas! (Well, as OCD free as possible!) Take care, Rachel

 

[kaykay9.0]

kicker said pretty well what I was attempting to say. "Plan B" in God's hands becomes "Plan A" because He can redeem even a wrong choice. Of course, this is even if what you fear is true and you made a wrong marital choice. That's not even to say you did. Chances are you made the right choice and all of this is OCD. But either way....

I know it's difficult to be rational when it involves something that our OCD has gotten its hands on.

Let me just say it as plainly as I can though. Almost all of us could second-guess our marriage choice ad infinitum...even if we're extremely happy in our marriage. That's just the facts. As Christians, we make choice but we can't know with 100% certainty that we heard God or chose right. I'm being extreme here, but we could've gone on a 40 day fast and sought God seeking His will about who to marry and STILL at the end of the day, we couldn't be 100% sure we had heard correctly. In this life the Lord has designed it that we have to walk by faith and not by sight. Therefore, there will always be some degree of uncertainty if we're totally honest about it. The Lord knows this and He also knows that we are "dust." The main problem is that OCD allows for NO degree of uncertainty!

I don't know if you are familiar with an American Bible teacher, Joyce Meyer, but whether you are or aren't or whether you like her or whether you don't, I thought the following she said was pretty apt.

She said one time she was stewing and all anxious about making a decision regarding something, and she kept saying to the Lord, "But what if I miss You on this?!" She said the Lord finally spoke to her heart and said something like this, "Joyce, if you miss Me, I will come and find you!"
Again, if we have a heart to please God, I think we can trust Him to redeem our lives, our decisions, even our possibly mistaken decisions.

I know that maybe none of this helps, Rachel, because again when OCD gets ahold of an area, logic and truth often doesn't penetrate. (I have my own areas like this, just not this particular one!) I'm probably once again trying to give reassurance in an area and we know that if OCD is tied up with it, that usually doesn't work for very long...if it works at all. But I just pray you can find peace in this area. Please don't take this as being offensive, but from an outsider looking in, Rachel, this does indeed have the earmarks of classic OCD to me.

 

[RachelZ]

Hi KayKay...sorry it's taken me so long to post a thank you...I really do appreciate your input! No, what you said isn't offensive at all...when others see it as OCD I find that helpful not rude!

Oh how true what you said about OCD not allowing for any uncertainty...it's such a tough way to live!

I totally agree about us not being able to 100% accurately allways hear God...like you say when OCD gets a hold of something though, logic and truth are hard to hold onto!

Thank you again, I truly value what you have to say and really appreciate you taking the time to write what you feel. Thanks for the Joyce Meyer quote...I've heard of her but not sure I've read anything by her. I really hope what she felt God said to her will be true for me.

Hope you've had a fab Christmas...take care, Rachel