How to get a wife

[ZephBonkerer]

I think that the internet is full of "how to get a woman/wife", but almost nobody is talking about "why". We just accept it as some norm we must pursue (to our own harm in many cases).

Do you need a reason or justification? The main reason I wanted a wife was sexual.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

It bothered me that you would attend church every Sunday and participate in many church activities in order to meet girls. Shouldn't we be doing these things to know more about the Lord and to fellowship with believers, treating each other like brothers and sisters and not as potential spouses?

I hope you didn't mean it and we're simply lost in translation and interpretation because your statement came up as red flag to me as inappropriate behavior or goal as a Christian.

While it's perfectly OK to meet a girl in church or bible study or other church activities, it shouldn't be the reason you go to church or participate in church activities. It corrupts essence of brotherly and sisterly fellowshipping when we get together for the Lord's sake and not to meet girls.

I see nothing improper about desiring a spouse and taking actions to meet someone. There is nothing inappropriate about pursuing a potential mate. However, I concur that this is a dubious motivator and I will say why.

In the salsa dance community, we will get some guys who really want to meet girls, and finding a beautiful woman on the dance floor is like finding a turkey in a turkey farm. Not only that, salsa and bachata are primarily couple's dances - especially the more sensual forms of bachata (and yes, I do that too). So of course young men who are motivated in that way are going to check us out.

But guys like that don't last long largely because they are too impatient to learn how to dance well. Many of them have no real love of dancing for its own sake. And the women on my dance team say they can sense this kind of thing from a mile away, and they find it off-putting. They don't like the pressure it puts on them - and they know those guys don't really share their love of dancing.

In other words, while the dance floor is a great place to meet men and women alike, it's not for everyone. The time it takes to get proficient will naturally weed out the impatient.

 

[tonychanyt]

I see nothing improper about desiring a spouse and taking actions to meet someone. There is nothing inappropriate about pursuing a potential mate. However, I concur that this is a dubious motivator and I will say why.

In the salsa dance community, we will get some guys who really want to meet girls, and finding a beautiful woman on the dance floor is like finding a turkey in a turkey farm. Not only that, salsa and bachata are primarily couple's dances - especially the more sensual forms of bachata (and yes, I do that too). So of course young men who are motivated in that way are going to check us out.

But guys like that don't last long largely because they are too impatient to learn how to dance well. Many of them have no real love of dancing for its own sake. And the women on my dance team say they can sense this kind of thing from a mile away, and they find it off-putting. They don't like the pressure it puts on them - and they know those guys don't really share their love of dancing.

In other words, while the dance floor is a great place to meet men and women alike, it's not for everyone. The time it takes to get proficient will naturally weed out the impatient.

This read almost like a parable: The Paracle of the Salsa

 

[timewerx]

I see nothing improper about desiring a spouse and taking actions to meet someone. There is nothing inappropriate about pursuing a potential mate. However, I concur that this is a dubious motivator and I will say why.

In the salsa dance community, we will get some guys who really want to meet girls, and finding a beautiful woman on the dance floor is like finding a turkey in a turkey farm. Not only that, salsa and bachata are primarily couple's dances - especially the more sensual forms of bachata (and yes, I do that too). So of course young men who are motivated in that way are going to check us out.

But guys like that don't last long largely because they are too impatient to learn how to dance well. Many of them have no real love of dancing for its own sake. And the women on my dance team say they can sense this kind of thing from a mile away, and they find it off-putting. They don't like the pressure it puts on them - and they know those guys don't really share their love of dancing.

In other words, while the dance floor is a great place to meet men and women alike, it's not for everyone. The time it takes to get proficient will naturally weed out the impatient.

I'm not sure the analogy is the same. Church is a lot easier than Salsa.

"Pretenders" can easily hangout in church for years. Some of them only there to meet women. Have heard enough testimonies about them.

Perhaps because I live in a part of the world where people are very religious like Mexico and going to church is almost natural so it's easy for pretenders to pretend hanging out in church for unGodly reasons.

This is why I got bothered by OP's tips before he corrected it. I sometimes heard testimonies from Christians, usually men when they used to be pretenders, only went to church to see and meet pretty ladies. The later admit in testimonies they felt convicted is a wrong behavior

 

[ZephBonkerer]

I'm not sure the analogy is the same. Church is a lot easier than Salsa.

"Pretenders" can easily hangout in church for years. Some of them only there to meet women. Have heard enough testimonies about them.

Perhaps because I live in a part of the world where people are very religious like Mexico and going to church is almost natural so it's easy for pretenders to pretend hanging out in church for unGodly reasons.

This is why I got bothered by OP's tips before he corrected it. I sometimes heard testimonies from Christians, usually men when they used to be pretenders, only went to church to see and meet pretty ladies. The later admit in testimonies they felt convicted is a wrong behavior

Maybe so. I thought the analogy was fitting because you see young men come to church for this very reason, then they get discouraged because it is pretty clear what their motivation is. The young women there tend to not be interested in men who go through the motions, but don't have a genuine interest in the things of the Lord - or in some cases the activities of the church assembly.

That seems to be a problem in societies where Jesus is seen as a revered historic figure - much like we would honor George Washington or Benjamin Franklin - but isn't really seen as a personal savior. You could have a lot of people going through the motions of Church, but that doesn't mean it will be a spiritually healthy environment.

 

[Blade]

The following is not some theory. I actually did it and it worked for me

1. Study hard. Work hard.
2. Save money. Don't indulge yourself except on special occasions.
3. Seek God's kingdom first. Find a home church. Participate in the programs that you enjoy.
4. Keep fit. Exercise regularly. Run a marathon. I ran a few. That was how I tried to deal with the sexual urges: redirection and marathons.
5. I attended church every Sunday, morning and evening. Attended IVCF every Thursday; Overseas Chinese Christian Association every Friday; plus other Christian programs, Bible study groups, retreats, outreaches, etc.
6. When did I start dating? When I was 25 years old, I thought I was ready. I had $6,000 (1985 CAD) in my bank account. I thought I could get my PhD degree, no problem. Basically, I thought I had the money and the spare time from my work and study. The very first time in my life I asked a girl out, she said yes I didn't marry this one. A few years later, I met another girl who became my wife. She is the only woman that I have ever kissed.
7. Godly women are attracted to a Christian man like that. Don't chase them but let them come to you. When a woman shows interest in you, take initiative and ask her out if you are interested in her.
8. How important is a woman's virginity? To me, it was a must but it is up to you. Lady Diana was a virgin when she married. But then, she had an affair with the art dealer Oliver Hoare while being the husband of Prince Charles.
9. How important is physical attraction? That depends on you. For me, it was quite important and I had a minimum requirement. It was a necessary condition but not sufficient. I was lucky. I ended up marrying the most beautiful girl that I had ever laid my eyes on.
10. I didn't go out with a girl that I had no intention of marrying. Still, it is best to treat your Christian dates as sisters in Christ. This also means that I was never interested in more than one girl at the same time. BTW, I had never initiated to dump a girl either.
11. Pray that you will marry the one who loves God and you the most. Pray regularly that God's will be done overriding your own liking of women. Prayed particularly intensely before you ask a woman to marry you. I was 31.5 years old, a virgin, marrying another virgin.

Didn't do any of this.. have a Godly wife been together about 40years now.