How to get a wife

[tonychanyt]

See How to get a wife

 

[Diamond72]

Nice testimony. People who always live for God have a better testimony than "saved" people.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

The following is not some theory. I actually did it and it worked for me

1. Study hard. Work hard.
2. Save money. Don't indulge yourself except on special occasions.
3. Seek God's kingdom first. Find a home church. Participate in the programs that you enjoy.
4. Keep fit. Exercise regularly. Run a marathon. I ran a few. That was how I tried to deal with the sexual urges: redirection and marathons.
5. I attended church every Sunday, morning and evening. Attended IVCF every Thursday; Overseas Chinese Christian Association every Friday; plus other Christian programs, Bible study groups, retreats, outreaches, etc. in order to meet girls.
6. When did I start dating? When I was 25 years old, I thought I was ready. I had $6,000 (1985 CAD) in my bank account. I thought I could get my PhD degree, no problem. Basically, I thought I had the money and the spare time from my work and study. The very first time in my life I asked a girl out, she said yes I didn't marry this one. A few years later, I met another girl who became my wife. She is the only woman that I have ever kissed.
7. Godly women are attracted to a Christian man like that. Don't chase them but let them come to you. When a woman shows interest in you, take initiative and ask her out if you are interested in her.
8. How important is a woman's virginity? To me, it was a must but it is up to you. Lady Diana was a virgin when she married. But then, she had an affair with the art dealer Oliver Hoare while being the husband of Prince Charles.
9. How important is physical attraction? That depends on you. For me, it was quite important and I had a minimum requirement. It was a necessary condition but not sufficient. I was lucky. I ended up marrying the most beautiful girl that I had ever laid my eyes on.
10. I didn't go out with a girl that I had no intention of marrying. Still, it is best to treat your Christian dates as sisters in Christ. This also means that I was never interested in more than one girl at the same time. BTW, I had never initiated to dump a girl either.
11. Pray that you will marry the one who loves God and you the most. Pray regularly that God's will be done overriding your own liking of women. Prayed particularly intensely before you ask a woman to marry you. I was 31 years old, a virgin, marrying another virgin.

Love her ?

 

[friend of]

Nice testimony. People who always live for God have a better testimony than "saved" people.

What?

 

[St_Worm2]

Nice testimony. People who always live for God have a better testimony than "saved" people.

What?

Wondering along with @friend of. @Diamond7, please tell us what you mean.

Thanks

--David

 

[DragonFox91]

1. We discuss this in Singles section a lot. I definitely believe as Christians we need to put our first love - God - first. As singles, we have been given a very special (maybe temporary) gift - there is NO question we have more time to be dedicated to our love for him. He is our joy. It's not a consolation prize. It's something that should make Singles so excited b/c we have a different calling.

& as Christians, it's a requirement: If we can't give him love & obedidence, who we have, how on earth will be able to give love & obedience to a sinful person in a dating - marriage relationship. It'd be impossible!!!

2. I think you're talking way too much about virginity......

3. I'm very happy you found your wife when you did. Surely God has blessed you & her! & I definitely agree that what you did, was why. BUT 25 is incredibly quick for someone to have found someone like that, even if they're doing everything 'right.' I believe your testimony, but I think it lacks the 'patience' to be truly meaningful to Singles who are struggling. I think it lacks the 'you have to go thru some testing or the smelter.' Don't get me wrong, it's very encouraging, b/c I know you did it right. But everyone's circumstances are different, sometimes in the starting gate, but they can build to that over time.

4. In regards to your points, 1, 2, & 4: yes, but I believe moderation is very important. It can create an idolization & a sense of unfufillment if in excess. But not enough, & it's just not healthy.

5. For your point 7: I'm not sure I agree....... I think 'not chasing' can lead to inaction. Inaction leads to selfishness & bitterness. Rather, I believe you should be emboldened to 'chase' girls. Not b/c you're expecting anything, but just b/c it's the right thing to do -> the joy & love God gives you, you should be recriprocating to men, women, marrieds, singles, whoever, alike. A woman who sincerely believes she will date & get married, & if you do it right, she won't mind. She'll at least be willing to talk. B/c she wants him to happen as much as you want a her to happen.

6. Physical attraction - I believe as Christians, we will be open to the one who the Lord leads us to......I believe the girl will be either what we want (which you rec'd), or we will find her beautiful only by God's grace........

7. There's so many other thoughts as a 'struggling' Single I have on this, but I just wanted to address the ones you talked about.

 

[Diamond72]

please tell us what you mean.

I was talking about people who have been Christian all their life. Compared to sinners who convert and become Christian. For me, it is a better testimony to have always lived the Christian life.

 

[friend of]

I was talking about people who have been Christian all their life. Compared to sinners who convert and become Christian. For me, it is a better testimony to have always lived the Christian life.

Not everybody is lucky enough to have that testimony though. Not everyone is born into a warm loving dedicated Christian family.

 

[Strong in Him]

I was talking about people who have been Christian all their life. Compared to sinners who convert and become Christian. For me, it is a better testimony to have always lived the Christian life.

You can't be a Christian "all your life". Even if you are taken to church from an early age, as I was, you still have to choose/accept Christ for yourself, at some point.

It doesn't really matter whether our testimony is, "I have always known him" or "I once was lost, but now am found" - as long as we have a testimony and can speak of our relationship with God. Neither is "better" than the other.

 

[trophy33]

I think that the internet is full of "how to get a woman/wife", but almost nobody is talking about "why". We just accept it as some norm we must pursue (to our own harm in many cases).

 

[Strong in Him]

Godly women are attracted to a Christian man like that. Don't chase them but let them come to you. When a woman shows interest in you, take initiative and ask her out if you are interested in her.

5. For your point 7: I'm not sure I agree....... I think 'not chasing' can lead to inaction. Inaction leads to selfishness & bitterness. Rather, I believe you should be emboldened to 'chase' girls. Not b/c you're expecting anything, but just b/c it's the right thing to do -> the joy & love God gives you, you should be recriprocating to men, women, marrieds, singles, whoever, alike. A woman who sincerely believes she will date & get married, & if you do it right, she won't mind. She'll at least be willing to talk. B/c she wants him to happen as much as you want a her to happen.

I'm not sure that anyone wants to be "chased".
If you like a woman, ask her out. It needn't be a big deal; it could be a coffee somewhere as friends, or it could be an activity with a group pf people. Talk to that woman; get to know her, go out to places, or do things, that you both enjoy. Respect her views. Talk together about if you want to be in a relationship, and where you see that relationship heading.
Sitting back and saying "I'm going to let them come to me" is not always the best way - if ever.

 

[Diamond72]

Neither is "better" than the other.

I think it is better to have never sinned than to be a saved sinner. Ask your wife if it is the same to be married with a man who slept with every woman in town but repented or a man who never slept with another woman. I did not get saved until after my divorce. Getting saved did not change the fact that I was divorced with all that goes along with that. Most Christian women in America are not interested in a divorced man unless they have divorced themselves.

 

[Strong in Him]

I think it is better to have never sinned than to be a saved sinner.

Are you saying that if a person goes to church from a young age and becomes a Christian, that means they have never sinned?
It's not possible to never sin.

As for "better"; non Christians could say that someone who has always gone to church is a Christian because that is all they have ever known, whereas someone who was in to drugs, parties, sleeping around etc made a conscious decision to give that lifestyle up and follow Jesus.
"I used to be like this; a criminal, slave to drugs, an alcoholic or someone who thought they were so good they could save themselves - but Jesus set me free and made me clean", is incredibly powerful.

"Better" also implies some kind of ranking order. In his parable, Jesus said that those who had worked from the beginning of the day were worth just as much as those who were only employed in the 11th hour.

 

[dzheremi]

Love her ?

Nah. You just go to the wife store and pick one up. It's not that hard; it's just that all these single men don't know where the wife store is.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I was talking about people who have been Christian all their life. Compared to sinners who convert and become Christian. For me, it is a better testimony to have always lived the Christian life.

One may be born "into" a Christian life however they still need to become "born again" when they are a mature person. This is the will of the Father and truly living for God. He is in us and we are In Him through His Holy Spirit.

Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.

Blessings.

 

[timewerx]

1. I attended church every Sunday, morning and evening. Attended IVCF every Thursday; Overseas Chinese Christian Association every Friday; plus other Christian programs, Bible study groups, retreats, outreaches, etc. in order to meet girls.

To do Godly work at the chance of meeting girls. That's just wrong.

We should do Godly work because we love God and nothing else. That is how we know our love to the Lord is real not because of the benefits, not because of the rewards nor what we can get out of it.

 

[dzheremi]

My other post in this thread was silly, but I really agree with timewerx here. Not all churches even do western-style dating in the first place (mine doesn't), so it wouldn't occur to them to go to church to find a woman. I remember a long time ago I was asked a friend from church how Coptic people are expected to marry in a country like the USA, with such a small Coptic population. He set me straight! From memory, he said something like "Do you come to church for a girl, or for God?" Point taken.

 

[tonychanyt]

Love her ?

Yes, that goes without saying
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

 

[tonychanyt]

1. We discuss this in Singles section a lot.

Where is that section?

2. I think you're talking way too much about virginity......

I think so also but I do not insist others put so much weight on this as I do

BUT 25 is incredibly quick for someone to have found someone like that,

I did not find my wife at 25.

5. For your point 7: I'm not sure I agree....... I think 'not chasing' can lead to inaction.

I did it for efficiency reasons to save time, effort, and feelings.

 

[tonychanyt]

To do Godly work at the chance of meeting girls.

Can you quote me where I assert that?