How to Forgive an Abusive Spouse

[anewday]

Since the beginning, 2.5 years ago, my husband has been verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive toward me. There was a turning point early last year where he really tried not to be and get more serious about helping me with the bills, which is awesome, but when the abuse happens again I can barely handle it anymore. Something happened recently and I separated myself from him to have more space and to pull myself together. My heart feels cold toward him, which I know is wrong. I would divorce him but as far as I know, he has not cheated on me, or at least that is what he has told me, since I've asked him periodically throughout the year if we are ok as a couple, since I was suspicious a few times. I don't trust him and have told him this, and I don't think I will ever completely trust him. He wants kids but I don't want to bring kids into this, since I'm sure they will be punished for stuff that happened to him when he was a kid. I already get punished for a past I was not a part of, and I won't tolerate that from any future kids I may have with him. I'm getting better at calling him out over his behavior and he usually calms down when I do, but I'm so tired of this. Prayers appreciated. Thank you.

 

[St_Worm2]

Hi anewday, I'm sorry to hear that you have had to endure such abuse from your husband, especially in a marriage that is so young. He is clearly acting against the principles and commands that the Bible sets forth for us as godly husbands .. e.g. Ephesians 5:25-33.

Praying for you, your husband and your marriage.

Have you talked to your pastor about this yet? If you have not, I would recommend that you do so immediately.

In Christ,
David

 

[anewday]

Thank you for your response. Over the last few months, he has been telling me more about his childhood and how abusive it was, which is where this behavior is probably coming from. It doesn't take the pain away but gives me a better understanding of where he is coming from. I don't feel comfortable talking to our pastor about it yet. We did go to counseling for awhile which helped. I don't feel anything for him right now and told him to keep his distance from me for now. The only thing keeping me here is that is he trying and does apologize after. I'm just so tired of this cycle... Thank you for the prayers, we really need them right now.

 

[Tolworth John]

You went for councelling for a while and stopped.

Please restart them if you are planning on staying married. Otherwise do talk with your pastor or his wife you are going to need support if you do divorce him, equally he will need support.

 

[St_Worm2]

I agree with TJ, you need to return to marriage counseling, preferably Christian.

Also, the first person I contact whenever big issues arise in my life is my pastor (as he is the person who is charged most directly with looking after my well-being by God .. e.g. Hebrews 13:17), and I would recommend that you do the same (as I said earlier). Any conversation you have with him will be held in strict confidence by him if you ask him to keep things between the two of you (this includes your husband, of course). Along with giving you support and direction/sound Biblical advice, he can also begin praying for you and your marriage.

He is also the person that I would most recommend receiving marriage counseling from, even if you are also receiving marriage counseling from someone else as well, so you may want to talk to him about that when you call him.

I would also recommend that you make others you are close to in your church aware of your situation so that they can support you/be there for you and pray for you, your husband and your marriage. The Lord never intended us to live the Christian life apart from other believers, which is one of the big reasons that He gave us the church

Continuing to pray for you!

Yours and His,
David

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