- Nov 6, 2014
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I'm good at conversation and like making friends--just need somebody nearby.
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I'm good at conversation and like making friends--just need somebody nearby.If you can manage to find one you like talking to you shouldn't have to worry so much about finding dates.
I'd like to attend a more diverse church for such a dating opportunity, however, being the only white guy would be weird. Yet, flying to see friends abroad gets costly and I'd like some cultural diversity which I had in Hawai'ii within Texas.. Go figure but such is life and how I am...I go to an ethnic Korean church, and it's couched in cultural nuance. There are people here that won't date non-Korean (I'm mixed), tend to conceal relationships, resistant to dating within the community, and there's an interesting ageism dynamic etc.
There might have been a time when women outnumbered guys, but it simply isn't the reality now.
I convinced her to come to a small group, which I'm leading. I can approach her on Sundays for small chat and encourage her to continue the small group (which is thriving and I believe she enjoyed it).
But there's no guarantee of that... and there aren't many opportunities to organically develop a friendship. I can intentially sit beside her on Sunday.
I don't have an issue striking up conversation. I used to be more social with the opposite sex, meet up with people for coffee, dated, but have slowly reclined into indifference. Part of me wants to meet a devout Christian girl, but it's proven difficult.
Perhaps I should just ask her out for coffee, but I think she'd interpret that has interest.
I'd like to attend a more diverse church for such a dating opportunity, however, being the only white guy would be weird. Yet, flying to see friends abroad gets costly and I'd like some cultural diversity which I had in Hawai'ii within Texas.. Go figure but such is life and how I am...
I have a good grasp of Indonesian and decent(ish) one of Chinese culture--I sorta grasp Korean and to a better degree Japanese culture. Anyways I could see why it's how you're describing--it's a network of relationships and a very gradual process from what I have seen. I prefer South East Asian culture since it's a lot less formal (you can introduce yourself and ask if she's single), more upfront and basic--that's where my best friend lives and hanging out with her along with everyone was a breeze. Japanese culture is pretty difficult and I think Korean culture is less "difficult" for most in the West to grasp but still there's a lot of nuances as you are aware.
With that I'd say you need to somehow gently press this thing forward. You're mixed Korean--you understand the culture right?
Show some interest in a careful yet obvious enough way and see if she goes for it--don't shove a date but see if you can do coffee or even more carefully just get her Whatsapp, Line, WeChat or whatever. Get to it and see. Obviously if you're able to connect with enough communication you two might have something.
Obviously the friendship dynamics are more complex but it'll be understood in due time and with the right amount of effort placed into it.
That is just a Date....
How do you turn it into a Christian Date???
Climbed date trees in Hawai'i. Never dated in my own country before. It's a paradox.
But there's no guarantee of that... and there aren't many opportunities to organically develop a friendship. I can intentially sit beside her on Sunday.
Perhaps I should just ask her out for coffee, but I think she'd interpret that has interest.
This may sound a bit sexist; so I apologize if I offend everyone. I won't say I'm speaking for all women, but I'm speaking for myself.
Assertiveness is hot in guys. (Who knows, maybe it is in girls. But I think guys prefer girls to be subtle and simply assume girls think the same way. They don't.)
Honestly, when guys makes extremely subtle "moves" like this, it is not that attractive and at the worst, can be a little creepy. (I'm not saying you are, but if a guy lingers a lot around a girl without ever being forward, it is a bit of a turn off.) Again, I'm speaking for myself; ladies, please feel free to disagree.
What's wrong with that? Trust me, if a guy point-blank asks me out on a date, I'm left with a huge respect for the guy, even if I say no. When a guy expresses interest in those subtle ways but never actually asks me out, I don't have that same respect.
And you can maintain friendships still. I've maintained friendships with guys who've asked me out and I declined. You forget about it if the friendship continues to evolve.
I think it comes down to methodology: Does a person believe they should be straightforward with their attraction/affections or whether a relationship should be developed through friendship first, and you aren't always in control how how people think relationships are best approached.
I have cold approached women in all kinds of settings. I've been bold at church, and it's not always appreciated.
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