How to deal with moving ( again!)

[Trisa]

Hello. I am new here and this is my first post.
I will try to make this short. My husband used to be in the
Air Force and we moved ALOT. He is out now but his company
is moving over an hour away from where we are now. My 9 1/2 year
old son is just not dealing with it well at all. He is a good boy who
never gives me much trouble. He obeys and makes me very proud, BUT
he has become very angry about moving. He even has ben getting
a bit lippy with me. I have tried to talk with him about this. I told him that
no matter where we go God will give him new friends and God will make sure we find a great church ( something else he is worried about) But he gets angry and says I do not want to move, why can't we stay here and so on. Trust me I myself and SICK of moving. Its not easy to have to keep starting all over.
Does anyone know of any good christian books about moving? I just feel so bad for him. He has so many friends here and really loves it here. My 2 year old
is to little to care. We prob won't be moving till summer. Thanks for any help
or advice.

 

[kingzjewel]

no sorry but i wanted to sympathize with you!!!!

 

[Trisa]

Thank You.

 

[true]

I'm sorry, I don't know about any books. But I do know about moving...I've moved around a lot and I found that as a kid, the older you get the harder it is. Your child is still pretty young, so I think he'll adjust well after you move and make new friends, but as he gets older this might become harder or he might become more stubborn. Some kids (including my brother) purposely stay anti social and not make friends to "prove a point" to their parents; that they're not happy where they are and want to go back home. This phase breaks too, but with time. I'll see if my parents know of any books. Don't worry, your child will be okay. It will take patience, however, to deal with his adjustment (and your own).

Good luck!!

 

[desi]

You should have your husband sit down with him and let them talk it out man to man.

 

[BeanMak]

One suggestion, if you can avoid moving until the very end of summer, it will be easier on your son. Lots of people move at the end of school thinking that will give them the summer to settle in, but that might not be the best way because it is harder to make friends in a new neighborhood a that time~ teams are already formed, people go on vacation, some neighborhoods are spread out, and he might not meet any kids all summer long.

Waiting til the end has a number of advantages- he can enjoy the summer with his old crew and then he can start right into school. All the kids will be in the same boat of starting a new grade with a new teacher. He can get to know kids at school, and invite new playmates over after school. He can join Fall sports. It is an opportunity for you too to make some new aquaintences by volunteering at the school too.

 

[Trisa]

Thanks for the advice all! We would prob move near the end of summer
and hopefully this will be out last move. I hope to move when he
would start 5th grade because I feel middle school would be harder
to make new friends since you don't stay in one class. I am going
to check into christian schools in the area to see of we can afford it.
Thanks again

 

[Etharia]

I'm 19 and we have moved every year or two since before I was born. It was hard at times but I enjoyed the advture side of it. New friends, new places, etc.
I have an 8 1/2 year old brother now. We just recently moved back in July. My mom asked him why he handles moving so well. He said because he makes new friends everywhere he goes. He said he tries not to leave a place unless he's made a new friend.
If you are able to, you might try involving your son in the moving process. It was always easier on us when we were allowed to look at possible houses while our parents were searching. Let him "help" choose a house by taking him with you. Then, if you have more than one room that could be used for his bedroom, let him choose. Let him decide where he wants all of his furniture and toys. As he is old enough to help make choices, let him feel involved. That's the only thing I can think of.

 

[Trisa]

Thank you. That was good advice and I feel better now.

 

[Evening Mist]

My kids are younger, but I often find with my 7 yo. son that it is helpful to empathize with hard feelings, and not try to "fix them." He probably doesn't want to hear that everything will okay, that he can make new friends, etc... Kind of like loosing a pet -- it doesn't soften the pain of the loss to hear that you can always "get a new dog." If it were me, I would respond in ways that echo and validate his feelings, "I know its hard to move. Its hard for me to. You'll really miss your friends. I hear that you are very worried. Its normal to be worried."

I think this sort of non-interfering, non-judgemental, empathetic language can really help to soften a child's attitude, and encourage him to open up even more with you about his hard feelings.

Being a parent and being unable to instantly heal and "fix" all our children's strong feelings is hard! I don't envy the situation you are in. Its a great sign that he is able to talk to you about his feelings. The biggest factor that will help him ride this out and begin to heal is the fact that you are riding along with him through the tough times.

 

[Trisa]

Thank you. I do tell him I know how hard it will be. I do feel bad for him because I am also sick of moving.

 

[Evening Mist]

I feel bad for your both!!! It sounds really tough, espeically since you and he have so little control over the matter. I realize it is the path your family has chosen, and there are valid reasons for it. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard on you.

Good luck and many blessings with this move!