how to cope

[phoebe573]

hi everyone,

i'm a newbie to CF and the BPD forum section. i was just recently properly diagnosed. i have rapid cycling bpIId (major depression), anxiety and panic disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and ocd. unforunately, mental health problems run in my family. my mother has depression, my father has severe bipolarII (he refuses to take meds) and my brother has schizophrenia (has to live in a community care home). i'm trying to sort my spiritual side out at the moment, it was some advise my pdoc gave me... to find some inner peace (going to church [easier said than done with all the anxiety and panic attacks i have had lately], etc). he also said that having a healthy heart and body makes the mind a better piece of your body - and i believe all that and i trust him.

but how do you cope with having the diagnosis on paper? i don't know how to feel or what to think? i'm so confused and i wonder why... why me... why now (i'm at the same age my family members got all their mental health problems).

i'm unable to work and go to school right now. because i'm either severly depressed or going through a mood for a few weeks.... i'm sitting here with meds, the first 3 weeks were horrible, i had a least 8 med changes because i'm very sensitive to side effects... and now we found something (lamictal, klonopin, ambiencr) that has worked....so far. the only thing that has gotten out of hand for the past 2 weeks is my paranoid state of mind (sry i know i'm remebling on about this but i hardly ever talk to someone, i have no friends only my bf -we've been together for almost 4 yrs. + i don't have a relationship with my family anymore, my parents got divorced [it got ugly] my brother can't live by himself, and i can't stand to be with my father or mother... they keep hating on and on about each other... i hope i'm not being to selfish but i need to work on me right now because i'm in a very unstable 'state of mind' right now) i'm so paranoid that i shake all day, i have appts for the next couple of weeks.


it's nice to be here.... to be able to talk, thank you for reading

 

[Jeshu]

Hi

Sorry to hear about your troubles and hardships. Life for the mentally ill can be very hard especially when you are down all the time.
I hope you will have a good time here at CF and find the spiritual rest you looking for.

That God may bless you with endurance.

Gerry

 

[angelkiss]

hi everyone,

i'm a newbie to CF and the BPD forum section. i was just recently properly diagnosed. i have rapid cycling bpIId (major depression), anxiety and panic disorder, avoidant personality disorder, and ocd. unforunately, mental health problems run in my family. my mother has depression, my father has severe bipolarII (he refuses to take meds) and my brother has schizophrenia (has to live in a community care home). i'm trying to sort my spiritual side out at the moment, it was some advise my pdoc gave me... to find some inner peace (going to church [easier said than done with all the anxiety and panic attacks i have had lately], etc). he also said that having a healthy heart and body makes the mind a better piece of your body - and i believe all that and i trust him.

but how do you cope with having the diagnosis on paper? i don't know how to feel or what to think? i'm so confused and i wonder why... why me... why now (i'm at the same age my family members got all their mental health problems).

i'm unable to work and go to school right now. because i'm either severly depressed or going through a mood for a few weeks.... i'm sitting here with meds, the first 3 weeks were horrible, i had a least 8 med changes because i'm very sensitive to side effects... and now we found something (lamictal, klonopin, ambiencr) that has worked....so far. the only thing that has gotten out of hand for the past 2 weeks is my paranoid state of mind (sry i know i'm remebling on about this but i hardly ever talk to someone, i have no friends only my bf -we've been together for almost 4 yrs. + i don't have a relationship with my family anymore, my parents got divorced [it got ugly] my brother can't live by himself, and i can't stand to be with my father or mother... they keep hating on and on about each other... i hope i'm not being to selfish but i need to work on me right now because i'm in a very unstable 'state of mind' right now) i'm so paranoid that i shake all day, i have appts for the next couple of weeks.


it's nice to be here.... to be able to talk, thank you for reading

Welcome to CF!!
I'm sure you'll find this is a great support system. As you'll see, if you haven't already, we share our problems, tears, smiles, hugs, etc. Just one big happy family!!

Being freshly diagnosed, for me, was like a slap in the face and I also questioned the reasons and all. I finally realized that the most important thing was, not the diagnosis being on a piece of paper, but getting it treated.
As with anything, ya just gotta take baby steps. It's not easy, but you'll get through this.....God always sees us through!
's and es!!!

 

[imaniingod]

Father God we ask that you pour out your spirit and cancel every assignment of the enemy, wrap your loving arms around your child and set her mind free in Jesus NAME WE CANCEL AND WE COUNT DONE IN YOUR NAME, WE WORSHIP AND WE THANK YOU THAT THIS DEAR DAUGHTER HAS FOUND CF AND NOW FATHER WE ASK THAT YOU ENCAMP YOUR MINISTERING ANGELS ABOUT HER AND SHOW FORTH YOUR MERCY AND YOUR GRACE AND WE WILL GIVE YOU ALL THE PRAISE AND GLORY FOR YOU ARE WORTHY!!!

 

[nateboy]

Concentrating on you is not being selfish. How can we help or give others attention if we are not taking care of ourselves. I am right there with you. It's very tough. This is a wonderful sight and you will find a lot of people can relate to what you are experiencing. You may find that you finally have people that truly understand.

As for coping with the dx, it is hard but I am so thankful I have been dx. It has helped me understand myself more, get treatment and find forums like this with people who can completely relate - which makes me feel less bipolar and more like a normal human being if that makes sense. Yes, mental illnesses run so rampant in my family too. It's easy to question, "Why God." I have come to learn that God has allowed me to experience this for a reason. He sends many people in my path who are going through similar issues and I can help them. There are a lot of people out there with these type of issues. Having this also reminds me of God daily because I can't do anything without him! If I were completely healthy all the time, I wouldn't have to relay on faith to make it through and would probably forget God more.

I would try to find a support group in your area. I know right now it is probably difficult because the meds are not completely figured out. Once they start to work better, you may get enough energy and be less paranoid - enough to feel comfortable to attend some kind of weekly group. That is just an idea. It's so difficult to go through things completely alone and at least in a group you will meet others who are going through the same or similar issues and you won't feel so alone.

Keep posting on here as well. Any kind of connection with people and the feeling like someone understands is so needed. Welcome and please keep posting. It will really help you.

 

[phoebe573]

thank you for your answers @ll !!

ty jeshu, i'm hoping i will find many friends here... but as i read through the forumboard i don't think it will be a big problem, everybody is nice,.... i like that.

thank you angelkiss, i'm glad i got treatment options, i guess the one thing really deep down bugging me is - it's not curable (yet) only treatable... that gives me a feeling of being doomed. makes sense? now i'm trying to get in touch with my spiritual side to help me. i'm starting from scratch - it's not easy - i'm glad i found this forum though - i'm already getting a great deal of support here.

thank you so much for your prayer imaniingod!!

hi nateboy, you are right. it is hard for me to find the faith that i need currently --- i'm trying to find out what church or denomination (if any), what bible (so confused ), what study group to attend... when i grew up my mom was protestant my father catholic my brother 'just' christian, everybody always 'corrected' the other person but i don't think we are allowed to judge - no matter what. that's one job we don't have, is to judge whether or not one person is right or wrong - and if people argue with that i just drop the subject because i don't really know where i stand yet but i refuse to judge.
that is why bpIId is so hard on me, when it comes over me with moodswings/ switches i say a lot of things i don't mean but it's not me speaking, it's basically the illness speaking... how would i look at that? is it still sinning? even though it is not something that i can control at times.... . i'll hang in there. i'm trying to get a new bible because i just found out that the bible i have - the translations have been tempered with very badly. i want a bible without the thee's and thy's but i want one that is as close to the scripture as possible yet still understandable, makes sense? i've been researching online, went to a few shops whenever i could manage to leave my house but i haven't decided on one yet, any tips welcome!?

again, thank you for 'listening' reading.....

 

[lemonflavor]

>>>i'm trying to get a new bible because i just found out that the bible i have - the translations have been tempered with very badly. i want a bible without the thee's and thy's but i want one that is as close to the scripture as possible yet still understandable, makes sense? i've been researching online, went to a few shops whenever i could manage to leave my house but i haven't decided on one yet, any tips welcome!?<<<

I would look at NIV, TNIV, NKJV, NASB, ESV and NRSV. I switched from NIV which is a thought for thought translation to NRSV which is pretty much word for word with some liberties taken to make more grammatical sense. After switching though I think I would be just as much or more happy with NASB. NASB is a little more traditional but NRSV is in the language closest to how I would speak. You really can't go wrong with any of them though.

 

[phoebe573]

hm ...but then how come some of the bibles out there have really bad reviews? not just on one website but several... saying that it is a very bad translations leaving words out left and right to make it their own..... how would i know (again) if i'm not buying one of those....?! i'm just so confused that there are that many.... i had the niv.... until i read all of the reviews... i even called up a few churches and even they said that... how odd. why are they allowed to publish that? *wonders*
i'm just afraid of going wrong, that's why my decision is taking so long *sigh*

 

[lemonflavor]

NIV is a very good thought for thought translation. It's not exactly word for word like NASB but it does a good job. I believe you will get the message and hear God speaking in an accurate way. Over time I have come to prefer more of a word for word and so I changed. NASB and ESV seem to be best for this. If you'd like to PM me I can give you some links to another site (not sure if it's appropriate to link here) or there may be some areas here on CF you can ask.

It sounds like you may have come across some pretty biased web sites but not saying they aren't legitimate.

BTW I also felt "doomed" when diagnosed. I got over that extreme feeling in a short time but it's still difficult because I'm having trouble finding a good med combo. I keep praying that I will accept God's will and that he has me where He wants me to be or at least it's within His permissive will, good will come of it and my suffering will be redeemed in the end.

Edit: The spiritual stuff is so important. Don't let yourself get too caught up in Bible translations and keep you from reading.

 

[Alive again]

Another option is to get a parellel translation. That is what I want for Christmas. These Bibles can be heavy and bulky, but you will have the verse from 2-4 translations alongside each other.

Lemonflavor, thankyou for your input-I have been trying to find a NIV/NKJV/NASB for many of the reasons you state, but was not familiar and had not had time to research some of the other translations! You just made my choice easier!

phoebe573

WELCOME to CF! You will indeed find this a welcoming, supportive and accepting place. I alsohave bpIId. And it also runs in my family. My Dad has gone onto heaven now and my brother (who used to physically beat me and verbally abuse me) was court committed and probably died on the streets when he walked away from the instituion about 7 years ago. There are anger issues in my other brothers (and my hubby also )

Angry-hateful words over silly little things-these have also been very difficult for me to deal with on a spiritual level. For when I am in that state due to my illness, I am the opposite of everything I treasure and value. I do not know if I want to clearly answer the question is this sin or not. It would take someone much wiser than me. But I do feel that when my anger hurts someone else, as a Christian I have a responsibility to express my regret over this behavior, own it, learn about it, seek God's help in controlling and dealing with it, forgive myself and move on. This is a balance between-"I'm not responsible, it is just my illness" and "I am such a horrible person-look what I have done". For me this is a more reality based way of dealing with it. In reality, it is illness based and I also must accept that in reality my illness is my responsiblity (just like a diabetic must work to control his blood sugar) and that if I harm someone in the process, it is my responsiblity to seek reconciliation, but it is not ever going to be 100% in my control. As I learn to be healthier in expressing myself before I get to that stage, the incidences of the extreme anger are lessening. I am not sure if that communicates clearly what I am trying to say, but I will leave it at that.

Welcome! We look forward to hearing more from you! May God bless you in this journey to come to terms with this illness and it's treatment.

Blessings and prayers!

 

[phoebe573]

thank you alive again!! i'm so glad i have a few people here that understand, my bf tries but he's just not... well he's trying, that's all that counts <3. i understood what you were trying to say, ty!

the parallel bible... i just looked into that... and that actually looks pretty good to me..... hm... or the nasb.... i'll have to do a bit more research before i click on the checkout button ;-)

 

[phoebe573]

i did it, after a bit more research i first decided on the NASB and NIV ...but...... (yes there's a but ;-) )

but then i went with the Parallel Bible: New International Version (NIV), New American Standard Bible Update (NASB), Amplified Bible, and King James Version (KJV), hardcover. it's good to have them all and it will help me read because i can read all versions -----4 bibles in 1 book, it will be a huge book but i feel good about it, i even went to an online preview and was able to flip throught the pages and i liked it, i looked up my fav verse and the bible got me 'hooked' what a good feeling... i'm moving towards the better direction i have a good feeling. i think my meds are a part of it, they have been working for me yesterday and today, they are supposed to take 5 weeks to kick in... i'm in week 3... anything good from those meds is so very welcomed you have no idea!!!

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Phoebe573


It is a real shame for CHRISTIANS to bring distrust to a CHRISTIAN BIBLE.


I have met no one that knows more than GOD!!! Or have I seen GOD'S stamp of approval on any CHRISTIAN BIBLES.


The important part of picking out a CHRISTIAN BIBLE is to get one you are comfortable reading. ( today's English helps )


Some folks seem to attempt to impress others by suggesting Bibles as they would a fine wine.


I have read both the Catholic Bible and the King James Version. I believe GOD'S miracles come out of them both. GOD SEARCHES your heart and when HE finds that you have committed your WHOLE life to HIM and HIS WILL HE will ANOINT you with HIS HOLY SPIRIT. ( as HE gives IT freely )


It is then that you receive a TEACHER, GUIDE, COMFORTER, and COMUNICATOR. Then NO man stands between you and GOD. Then is when you feed on the REAL FOOD. ( as per GOD'S WORD )



HAVE FAITH AND REMEMBER:




X EVEN THOUGHT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM, HE IS THERE!!! O
( click on the X and drag to the O and see who is with you ) steven

 

[phoebe573]

thanks for your input but you didn't have to 'yell' ...geesh

 

[wonderwaleye]

thanks for your input but you didn't have to 'yell' ...geesh

Dear Phoebe573


If I was 21 and not 63 wearing glasses I would agree with you. It is only termed yelling if you use all caps.


Please forgive me. I just thought you needed to see the truth.



IT IS WITH LOVE THAT WE CAN REMEMBER:






X EVEN THOUGHT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM, HE IS THERE!!! O
( click on the X and drag to the O and see who is with you ) steven

 

[Alive again]

i did it, after a bit more research i first decided on the NASB and NIV ...but...... (yes there's a but ;-) )

but then i went with the Parallel Bible: New International Version (NIV), New American Standard Bible Update (NASB), Amplified Bible, and King James Version (KJV), hardcover. it's good to have them all and it will help me read because i can read all versions -----4 bibles in 1 book, it will be a huge book but i feel good about it, i even went to an online preview and was able to flip throught the pages and i liked it, i looked up my fav verse and the bible got me 'hooked' what a good feeling... i'm moving towards the better direction i have a good feeling. i think my meds are a part of it, they have been working for me yesterday and today, they are supposed to take 5 weeks to kick in... i'm in week 3... anything good from those meds is so very welcomed you have no idea!!!

woohoo! I am glad you found something to work for you!!!! Blessings!

 

[powerofprayer]

Hi Phoebe573,
Just wanted to see how you are doing & see if your medications were still working good. I've been praying for you! Have you been reading your bible?
Sandy

 

[willmrcd1]

Welcome!

I am sorry to hear that you are going through difficult times right now, but know that the Lord is with you. Here at the Christian Forum you will find wonderful individuals who are open and sensitive to people who love the Lord and have a mental illness. I think it's great that you are deciding to take care of yourself first there is nothing wrong with that. If anything I think that is using wisdom.