How to cope with being perpetually single

[Miss Spaulding]

Well, not to brag but... I do have a couple of gray hairs in my beard...

Lawd have mercy. Stop. Just stop.














Grey can be so attractive. I don't know why people get embarrassed by it or feel they need to touch it up with color.

 

[Strider1002]

Grey can be so attractive. I don't know why people get embarrassed by it or feel they need to touch it up with color.

Somehow I feel like I'm going to age like Sean Connery... Fine with me

 

[Miss Spaulding]

Somehow I feel like I'm going to age like Sean Connery... Fine with me

Wait. No way. I've never seen these two pics side by side...amazing! Dang, that man ages well. If you age anything like him, then wow...that's awesome.

 

[truthhopejustice]

I don't see it that way, unfortunately.

When I was in a serious relationship, all of the good clearly outweighed any of the bad you spoke of.

I just don't see it the way you describe.

If you've been in a serious relationship before, why doesn't that help you see that you can be in one again? A serious relationship is a big deal. If you are really completely unattractive to women that never would have happened.

 

[Cactus Jack]

It's because they're not attracted to me and I am shy and will not bother women. That's it.

It's better to have passion than being a dead, boring, lifeless robot like some people.

You're lucky, really.

You see, I'm lonely. And it's a strange situation.
I look back throughout my life and the abuses I received, nine time out of ten they were committed by women. Some of this may be laughed at by others, but considering the severity, it's not when you actually go through it.

So from my experience I found myself attentive to the minute details others may miss. Those details tell me whether or not a woman has the capability of being abusive, and to what degree. I have several physical disabilities- To me it's a matter of survival.

It's not always accurate, but honestly, it's nearly impossible to find a woman that I consider "safe" that hasn't already been taken. And those that havn't, well, I think you get the idea.

I havn't had a date since 2004. I went out a couple times with a lady friend a year back, and that's all it was. Not like I expect anything more. She just had a different view on things.

So, defeatedChristian, you can beat back your shyness. I don't see any safe way to "beat back" my defensiveness.

 

[Messy]

If you've been in a serious relationship before, why doesn't that help you see that you can be in one again? A serious relationship is a big deal. If you are really completely unattractive to women that never would have happened.

Oh, you had a serious relationship? Now I understand the feeling of being perpetually single. But it's just a feeling you can overcome with His help.

 

[snoopy500]

I learned long ago that being alone is better than being with someone who is not worth my time.
So, I am happy to not have someone dragging me down all the time.

this sums up what I was gonna post. I can't seem to find anyone I can relate too or who can't accept me for who I am

 

[Purge187]

Hey Cactus, I think I can empathize with you in some ways.

My high school years absolutely sucked because of the way girls treated me. By the time I was done with college I was a total misogynist with next to no self-esteem. But I was saved around that time, and I think God was saving me from a life of bitterness and cynicism that I would've ended up following otherwise. Thanks to Him, I'm much more confident in His word, people and life in general.

I'm living proof that God can change us in big ways. Don't give up. Ever.

 

[Touma]

You could quit complaining and go find someone. ;-)

 

[Tirgithin]

You're lucky, really.
You see, I'm lonely. And it's a strange situation.
I look back throughout my life and the abuses I received, nine time out of ten they were committed by women. Some of this may be laughed at by others, but considering the severity, it's not when you actually go through it.

I wouldn't laugh about it. If you have multiple bad experiences with a specific type of person (gender, race, age, nationality, etc.), it is natural to become more defensive and cautious. It is natural that your self preservation, survival instincts kicks in. No one wants to be put in a vulnerable position, especially not if, as in your case, it really will impact your overall well-being.

You could quit complaining and go find someone. ;-)

If he wants to, he can become my future brother-in-law Don't tell my sister though; it is a surprise!

 

[Bloved1]

Ya know, i turn 32 next month and I have never had a (really) serious relationship, and Im still a virgin. For over a decade I believed it was me because of my shyness and the way i looked (I'm obese).
Many many MANY years (over a decade) i have been in torment with this issue. I have had severe depression, thoughts of suicide, I had asked God "why? What is wrong with me?" and i never really got an awnser.
Ive seen my friends from highschool become brides and mothers and here i am, stuck in time.
I finally said to God (after he made a miracle happen in my life), "Lord, here I am! I am Yours. If you want to keep your own virgin daugher for Yourself, let Your will be done!"

Long story short, there is a man that i deeply affectionate towards and I think God might have chosen for my husband in the future BUT I said to God, "Lord, if you believe that this man would be better off with someone else, I care enough about him that I pray you make him someone else's husband!".

God has a plan for our lives. The BEST plan. It might not be the plan that we think is the best but He is in control and He will make everything beautiful in its time.



God bless, DefeatedChristian.
I pray God heals your heart in time and gives you a beautiful future!

 

[Bristecom]

Ya know, i turn 32 next month and I have never had a (really) serious relationship, and Im still a virgin. For over a decade I believed it was me because of my shyness and the way i looked (I'm obese).
Many many MANY years (over a decade) i have been in torment with this issue. I have had severe depression, thoughts of suicide, I had asked God "why? What is wrong with me?" and i never really got an awnser.
Ive seen my friends from highschool become brides and mothers and here i am, stuck in time.
I finally said to God (after he made a miracle happen in my life), "Lord, here I am! I am Yours. If you want to keep your own virgin daugher for Yourself, let Your will be done!"

Long story short, there is a man that i deeply affectionate towards and I think God might have chosen for my husband in the future BUT I said to God, "Lord, if you believe that this man would be better off with someone else, I care enough about him that I pray you make him someone else's husband!".

God has a plan for our lives. The BEST plan. It might not be the plan that we think is the best but He is in control and He will make everything beautiful in its time.



God bless, DefeatedChristian.
I pray God heals your heart in time and gives you a beautiful future!

I'm not convinced that God determines who we marry. Can He bring people together? Yeah, that's definitely possible. But I wouldn't say for certainty that He's this cupid matchmaker who has already determined your spouse (or lack thereof).

But I know what you mean about standing still in time. Ever since high school, I felt like that too. I saw all my old friends around me move on and drastically change but I was mostly still the same. It was very hard on me for many years but in the past couple years, I've started to change my way of thinking a bit to try and be a little more satisfied with my situation and not care so much about others. But it's still definitely hard at times. The hardest for me seems to be when I am around a lot of people and I feel like I get so close to potentially making new friends but it still never seems to work out.

Anyway, I'm glad you may have found someone. But even if he doesn't work out, don't give up on yourself.

 

[Bristecom]

You're lucky, really.

You see, I'm lonely. And it's a strange situation.
I look back throughout my life and the abuses I received, nine time out of ten they were committed by women. Some of this may be laughed at by others, but considering the severity, it's not when you actually go through it.

So from my experience I found myself attentive to the minute details others may miss. Those details tell me whether or not a woman has the capability of being abusive, and to what degree. I have several physical disabilities- To me it's a matter of survival.

It's not always accurate, but honestly, it's nearly impossible to find a woman that I consider "safe" that hasn't already been taken. And those that havn't, well, I think you get the idea.

I havn't had a date since 2004. I went out a couple times with a lady friend a year back, and that's all it was. Not like I expect anything more. She just had a different view on things.

So, defeatedChristian, you can beat back your shyness. I don't see any safe way to "beat back" my defensiveness.

Yeah, I think I have a similar problem. I haven't been in a real relationship before but my family was a mess growing up. I think deep down I deeply fear being stuck with someone like my mom. Plus, I had a best friend for over 10 years who was practically my brother and he basically betrayed me. So perhaps I do have some trust issues where I don't allow myself to get too close to anyone. However, I do know there are certain people out there who are different - who seem to be loving and genuine and loyal to their core. Perhaps that is the type of person I am still seeking but they are obviously very rare.

 

[Bloved1]

I'm not convinced that God determines who we marry. Can He bring people together? Yeah, that's definitely possible. But I wouldn't say for certainty that He's this cupid matchmaker who has already determined your spouse (or lack thereof).

Well, if you dont let him be your matchmaker He'll be a gentleman and wont interfere in your life. ;-)

But I know what you mean about standing still in time. Ever since high school, I felt like that too. I saw all my old friends around me move on and drastically change but I was mostly still the same. It was very hard on me for many years but in the past couple years, I've started to change my way of thinking a bit to try and be a little more satisfied with my situation and not care so much about others. But it's still definitely hard at times. The hardest for me seems to be when I am around a lot of people and I feel like I get so close to potentially making new friends but it still never seems to work out.

Anyway, I'm glad you may have found someone. But even if he doesn't work out, don't give up on yourself.

Thank you very much!

I finally had to ask God to change me from the inside (as opposed to changing my circumstances outside) and i have experienced a dramatic change. Im happier, im more contented, im not so afraid of certain situations, and (most importantly) i feel closer to God.

What got me to this point in my life, I had 15 long years of suffering and finally a really tragic event happened to me (i lost a very close family member,, another betrayed me, i lost my home, had to sleep in my car one night). I thought that God hated me, that he had finally "given me up to satan", etc. But then one day I did something that i felt that He asked me to do and not long after it changed my life completely. He actually spoke to me (well not audibly of course but spoke to my heart) and he showed me how much He loved me. He didnt look at the previous things i did while i was depressed and angry and hating some of the people in my life. That just totally changed my life. Im so grateful!

The only last thing that was on my heart was my singleness. My loneliness as it were. He made me understand that not everyone is meant to go down the same path. We all have different callings in our lives. I dont know why he chooses some to go one way and others to go another but if we just stop saying to God "i want to go over there, over to the greener pasture over there" and see where he has put us and what good things he has given us (and good things we can do with what we have). Actually let him work through us then we will see great miracles and be satisfied and happy and contented. Grow where He plants you, ya know?

 

[Purge187]

I believe God directed us here to counsel and encourage one another with issues like these. I can't overemphasize the fact that I know exactly how many of you feel when it comes to struggles with our personal lives.

In my case, my "need" for a mate stemmed from my constant comparison with, and envy of, other people, and that seems to be the case with some of you. Realize that those are destructive tools that Satan uses to break us down and ask God to deliver them from you. Count your blessings daily, not the least of which is the place in Heaven that Christ has reserved for us.

I've reached a point where the possibility of being single for the rest of my life isn't nearly as daunting as it once was, because it's not like my life is on display for the whole world to see like Jim Carrey's was in Tne Truman Show. Put your faith and trust in God and he will direct your paths towards peace and blessing.

 

[Messy]

I'm not convinced that God determines who we marry. Can He bring people together? Yeah, that's definitely possible. But I wouldn't say for certainty that He's this cupid matchmaker who has already determined your spouse (or lack thereof).

He had a partner for Isaac.

 

[Bristecom]

He had a partner for Isaac.

Yes but that was to fulfill many purposes in preparation for Christ. Again, I'm not saying He can't or doesn't do it at times but in this new testament era, I'm pretty sure He is not as particular as He was back then.

LOL, like there was one girl who I met under unique circumstances so at first she thought that we were meant to be together. Now, I think possibly God did bring us together as friends for that time but there's no way He meant for me to marry her.

 

[Tirgithin]

However, I do know there are certain people out there who are different - who seem to be loving and genuine and loyal to their core. Perhaps that is the type of person I am still seeking but they are obviously very rare.

I don’t think they’re that rare. I think most people have some measure of love, loyality, etc. in them. It just may not always show on the surface or is that noticeable.

Like a lady I know who is concerned for her friends and loyal to them, but one of her friends seems to find her somewhat overbearing at times.

I just think most of the time you will only find out how trustworthy, loyal and sincere people are by getting to know them. But if you are apprehensive of people, it will be a bit more difficult to get to know someone. Also, it can be hard for someone who has been betrayed to invest in someone, because they will be afraid of the possible negative outcomes.

 

[Maka]

When you've had your heart broken, being perpetually single doesn't feel so bad. Honestly I'd rather be single than go through that ever again. :/

 

[Bristecom]

I don’t think they’re that rare. I think most people have some measure of love, loyality, etc. in them. It just may not always show on the surface or is that noticeable.

Like a lady I know who is concerned for her friends and loyal to them, but one of her friends seems to find her somewhat overbearing at times.

I just think most of the time you will only find out how trustworthy, loyal and sincere people are by getting to know them. But if you are apprehensive of people, it will be a bit more difficult to get to know someone. Also, it can be hard for someone who has been betrayed to invest in someone, because they will be afraid of the possible negative outcomes.

Yeah thanks. The funny thing is, I was thinking back to when I was younger and with all of my best friends, they were people I had a really good feeling about from the start. And they proved themselves to be more or less as I expected (although all of them have moved on for various reasons and some of them drastically changed like my best friend). The people whom I was skeptical about but tried to be friends with anyway proved themselves to be mostly bad friends. So I think my judge of character is actually very good. Which is why I was so good at doing sales because I could almost instantly tell what "type" of person they were and could actively adapt to their liking while still maintaining my own personality. It's almost like I can see people's souls when I'm near them.

Now, that's not to say that most people do not have any measure of true love, loyalty, or gentleness in them but very rarely does anyone stand out in those regards which I value. I was listening to an interesting story from a pastor about his wife. He said he didn't necessarily have any particulars in his mind about the type of girl he wanted but there was sort of a hazy blueprint in the back of his mind. And when he was set up with a date with this one girl, he knew that it was her (and she also). So I think maybe that's what it's like for me.

But to be clear, I am still very open and friendly towards everyone. In fact, I am the one who usually goes out of my way to try to reach out to people but I don't often get a positive response so I eventually give up on them. It's not that I'm weird or anything but I think most of them are looking for the party type of person - very funny, loves to drink beer, loves football/basketball, knows about all the latest movies, plays guitar, etc. That is the alpha male around here (even for Christians) and I am not like that. But I'd like to think I'm not overbearing. Sure, I do open up and talk a lot if the person talking to me seems talkative themselves but usually I stay quiet and just try to make the other person feel important and good.