how soon is too soon?

[Dogbean]

My beloved wife died in October. She's a believer so I know she's in heaven, and I know I'm going to heaven. Because of this, there isn't as much despair that other people would feel without that assurance.

So how soon is too soon to think about dating again? I have three kids and they can't give me the adult companionship I crave, and I want to find them a mommy and me a helper, so long as she's a Godly, Christian woman.

 

[CountryLady]

Hello Elevation, All I can say is to look into your heart and pray about it. I'm praying for you and your children. God bless you.

 

[Aileen]

Hello Elevation. My condolences. Life can´t be easy for you these days as you grieve the loss of your wife and yet have the responsibility of three young children.

You will know when it is time to date and possibly marry again. Don´t make quick decisions. Please, please, don´t start a relationship with a woman because you want a mommy for your children. That would be unfair to her. You will know when you meet that special someone and you fall in love that the reason you want to marry her is because you love her. Take things calmly.

My husband was widowed at 30. He says that two months later he was ready to move on. A couple of weeks after her death a remarried widower prayed for him and asked the Lord to heal his pain guide him to rebuild his life. We married a yr after she died and that was 30 yrs ago. However the grief process is different for each person and some aren´t ready to move on until 2 or 3 yrs have passed.

Caring for three children is physically and emotionally tiring....perhaps it is beginning to overwhelm you. Can family members help you?

 

[c1ners]

Through my own experience I've learned that remarrying for the sake of the children is not only unfair to the other person, but it's also unfair to you and the kids. I'd say to wait a while. Pray and ask God to send you the right person.

I remarried to give my baby daughter a new father, and to this day she refuses to acknowlege him as her dad. I don't love him like I loved my first husband, and there is a void in my heart that I can't get rid of. It's not fair to any of us. I was a back slidding Christian at the time, and I didn't wait on God.

If you feel like you're ready to date, than by all means, date. But please don't rush into giving your children a new mom. Wait on our Lord. If you put your trust in him, he will show you the right time, and the right woman.

God Bless.

 

[Dogbean]

I did not say that replacing mommy is the only reason. I never took an aggressive view on dating, ever. Women always just fell into my life. I take a relaxed view. But soon I feel that I can completely lift the restriction that I had in place since I began dating my wife. That's all I mean. I don't mean I would go out and seek people. If history is any indication, women will be falling out of the sky into my life as they have in the past. And all I have to do is allow it to happen.

 

[Aileen]

My apologies. I didn´t mean to infer that your only reason for remarrying was to "find a mommy for " for your children. That phrase caught my attention, that´s all.
You´re a young man with many years of life ahead and you deserve to enjoy again, a loving relationship. My husband says he´s green with envy! That girls never never lined up at his door! The experiences of a single man are perhaps different than those of a widower with three children.

´It is Well with my Soul´ is also my favorite hymn and I asked for it to be sung at our wedding which caused quite a stir.

 

[Dogbean]

I asked for it to be sung at the funeral which made me fall apart.

 

[CountryLady]

Praying for you and your family.

 

[Dogbean]

Her high school also provided bagpipers at the graveside which also made me lose it. It was wonderful and extremely sad too.

 

[CountryLady]

What a wonderful thing the high school did providing bagpipers, it must of sounded so beautiful. Praying for you.

 

[Dogbean]

thanks for the prayers countrylady. i appreciate it.

 

[Hisbygrace]

Dear Elevation, we all go through the stages of grief in different ways and
different times. I have known people that were married just a couple of months
after their spouse's death and others that never remarried. Pray for God's
guidance for you and He will bring you the right person at the right time.

 

[Dogbean]

Thanks. I hope it's soon. But I hope I don't have to take crap from people.

 

[Hisbygrace]

Thanks. I hope it's soon. But I hope I don't have to take crap from people.

Believe me I know how lonely it can be, especially for the young.
Prepare yourself because there will be some people that will
not want to understand, but have patience with them.