How SHOULD I feel?

[Sunee1]

There is a Jesus based organization that helps people with hurts, hangups & habits called Celebrate Recovery. Checkout their testimonials on you tube. I encourage you to go to a meeting near you. Praying for you.

 

[Sawsar]

My mother is 81. I haven't spoken to her in 13 years--nor has she spoken to me or been there for me when I had surgery, when I learned my husband was cheating on me and spending us into extreme debt, when I got divorced and was left as a single parent to 6 kids still at home, when both my daughters were in surgery on the same day. Etc. She'll see me at the grocery store and turn her nose up and walk past me. Yet the family story is that I am not talking to her, that this is all one-sided. Early on, I invited her to a couple of parties for kids' events & she arrived and 'ate my meat and drank my wine' and ignored me the whole time. As a result, I quit inviting her.

I have just learned she has tongue cancer. My first thought was, if I were a writer I couldn't come up with more perfect karma. My mother TALKS. Talking is what she does. She trash talks other people. She has spent my 50+ years trash-talking my grandmother, my father's entire side of the family, the way her mother was unfair to her 65 years ago. She has trash-talked me to many other people since I was 4 or 5 (I believe because she was covering up inappropriate behavior on my father's part, making sure no on believed me) and there are people who will always think badly of me as a result, not based on who I am but on who they think I am as a result of her lies about me. She has trash-talked me literally to my high-school friends when I was in high school and walked out of the room, to my new mother-in-law the first time she met her (and I saw the permanent change that day in how my MIL treated me), to my siblings, to her friends, to people in my/our church.

She has spent hours and hours talking at me about how angry she is with the world, how much she dislikes other people. And never in those hours of her talking at me has she ever shown the slightest interest in who I am or what I think...yet she goes on to tell other people what I really think, or why I really did something, despite what I actually told her.

I give this much detail to say: she has spent her life demonstrating the Biblical principles about the power of the tongue and the evil use of the tongue, using the tongue to hurt others, to turn people against each other, to tear people down, to drive wedges between people, to break down relationships, to damage other people.

My first thought on finding she cancer of the tongue, was: KARMA. If I were an author this is how I would have written the story of someone who has continually gossipped and turned people against each other with lies and gossip.

But I also need to ask myself: What is the CHRISTIAN response to learning (from a third party because your parents won't tell you themselves) that your mother has cancer? My personal response is: Thank God maybe her gossiping and turning people against each other is finally coming to an end.

What should be the Christian response? I don't necessarily think it's evil or wrong or unloving to see the strong correlation between how she has used her TONGUE for 7 decades to divide people and having tongue cancer. But I also seek the Christian response on my own part.

1 Peter 3:8-17
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and

 

[Sawsar]

1 Peter 3:8-17
To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.

10. THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD. HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT. FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS. AND HIS EAR ATTENDS TO THEIR PRAYER. BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.
Who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good? 14. But even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed, AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED, 15. but sanctify Christ as LORD in your heart, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence; 16. and keep a good conscience so that in the thing in which you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ will be put to shame. 17. For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong.
Let me recommend member AGTG's messages. He has the gift of teaching. I know his messages will be a blessing to you.
God bless you

 

[Diamond7]

Early on, I invited her to a couple of parties for kids' events & she arrived and 'ate my meat and drank my wine' and ignored me the whole time. As a result, I quit inviting her.

That is kinda selfish. She is there for the kids, not you. What do you care if she talks to you or not? I would think with 6 kids you would be so busy taking care of them that you would not have any time to think about yourself.

I also seek the Christian response on my own part.

Depends on if they are Christian or not. Luke 14:26 "If any man comes to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." Our brothers - sisters, sons - daughters, mothers - fathers are in Christ. This is our family.

You are to love her, bless and pray for her. Luke 6:28 " Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Sometimes we can pray the demons off of people. Unless they really want them. Esp when our kids turn 12 and they can start making decisions for themselves.

 

[Rescued One]

There are a lot of responses here. I'm kind of tired and don't want to read them all. Most of my relatives were or are non-forgiving non-Christians. None of them taught me to forgive. No matter how you feel, forgive! FORGIVE! No matter what your mother has done or said, forgive. God helps us forgive.

Ephesians 4:32
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Love God and love others.

You and I are not perfect, but we can love and forgive.