How prayers are "answered" (and the effects thereof)

[truthshift]

According to beliefnet.com

God answers prayers in 1 of 5 ways:

1. No, I love you too much.
2. Yes, but wait.
3. Yes, but not how you expected.
4. Yes, and here is more.
5. Yes, I thought you'd never ask.
__________________________________

According to John Piper, in this video:

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=716b02ec0da35256a998

God does not even answer all prayers.

It would appear that the Christian god has an answer for everything.

- When you pray for a chance to see your grandmother this summer, but you do not manage to raise the money for a plane ticket before school starts; God has clearly answered with "no"

-When you pray for a chance to go on a mission trip in Europe, but do not get the opportunity for 6 months; God has clearly said "yes, but wait."

-When you pray for a chance to witness to millions of poeple and you get into a crippling, near-fatal accident and become a Christian motivational speaker; God has clearly said "yes, but not how you expected"

-When you pray to be able to pay your bills on time and you recieve an inheritance and an alimony check within a week of your bills being due; God has clearly said "Yes, and here is more"

-When you pray for the ability to support your favorite charity/organization and you win the lottery; God has clearly said "yes, I thought you'd never ask."

-When you pray for anything and it does not happen; God has said "no" by not answering...(or "no, I love you too much" )

_____________


Well that's all good and well but look at MY god:

I pray to this banana. This banana answers all of my prayers. Well, sometimes it doesn't. But, that's ok. I am not this banana's master. This banana is MY master.

- When I prayed for a chance to see my grandmother this summer, but I did not manage to raise the money for a plane ticket before school started; Banana clearly answered with "no"

-When I prayed for a chance to go on a vacation trip in Europe, but did not get the opportunity for 6 months; Banana clearly said "yes, but wait."

-When I prayed for a chance to talk to millions of poeple and I got into a crippling, near-fatal accident and became a Banana motivational speaker; Banana clearly said "yes, but not how you expected"

-When I prayed to be able to pay my bills on time and I recieved an inheritance and an child support check within a week of my bills being due; Banana clearly said "Yes, and here is more"

-When I pray for the ability to support my favorite fruit company: Dole and I won the lottery; God clearly said "yes, I thought you'd never ask"

-When I pray for anything and it does not happen; Banana has said "no" by not answering


Surely, you can see my god answers all of my prayers. Why not pray to Banana? At least you can see Banana.

..or am I just insulting your intelligence by asking you to do that? What if I said you will be punished if you don't have faith in Banana? Surely, you can see that this is no joke.
____________________________________

Hmm, now what might be some effects of a society that believes that it's prayers will be answered in one way or another; no matter what?

1. A society that follows a rigid belief system through thick and thin, regardless of all rationality, because it's prayers are being answered 100%

2. A society that will not desire to seek truth because it has "already found it"

3. A society that spends an average of 45 minutes a day, 5.25 hours a week, 21 hours a month, 10.5 days a year unproductively/unrecreationally talking into space (regarding only personal prayer time)

In other words: a society that will do as the bible and it's authoritarians command it to do, because it honestly believes it is getting something in return.

 

[Spherical Time]

The real test is: aside from where they spend their Sunday mornings, can an observer tell the difference between the life of a typical atheist and a typical christian?

Nope.

 

[truthshift]

The real test is: aside from where they spend their Sunday mornings, can an observer tell the difference between the life of a typical atheist and a typical christian?

Nope.

Ahh, but you forgot Wednesday evenings.

 

[Spherical Time]

Ahh, but you forgot Wednesday evenings.

I didn't. I just don't consider them "typical."

I considered dividing it into three groups though: atheists, typical Christians, and typical fundamentalist evangelical Christians, and if I had, then I would have mentioned Wednesday evenings.

 

[truthshift]

Ahh, but is the real test to differentiate a Bananian from a Christian?

 

[QuakerOats]

Well that's all good and well but look at MY god:

I ate your god for breakfast yesterday morning. It tasted yummy.

 

[cantata]

I ate your god for breakfast yesterday morning. It tasted yummy.

Not it. She.

I ate her about half an hour ago, mashed up with a little nutmeg. Nom!

 

[Cassandra]

Well that's all good and well but look at MY god:

I reject your man-made "god". All hail the TRUE banana!

 

[Oneofthediaspora]

What happens on Wednesday evenings then?

 

[truthshift]

What happens on Wednesday evenings then?

On wednesdays, we banananians gather for more banana worship and activities.

 

[God-free]

Banana doesn't just answer prayers... she's delicious and nutritious too. Mmmm.

~Barbara

 

[selfinflikted]

Funny thread, but interesting and seemingly true as well. There's a quote I'm fond of, but I can't remember who said it for the life of me. The quote is something like this: "One pair of hands at work accomplish more than a million hands folded in prayer." Think about that.

 

[God-free]

I reject your man-made "god". All hail the TRUE banana!

This is the banana of old. We bananians prefer the new and improved banana. She's much tastier.

~Barbara

 

[cantata]

This is the banana of old. We bananians prefer the new and improved banana. She's much tastier.

~Barbara

Aye. We are freed from the ways of the old banana by the coming of the new banana, who overturned the old banana law and gave us new life in potassium-rich snack foods.

 

[God-free]

Aye. We are freed from the ways of the old banana by the coming of the new banana, who overturned the old banana law and gave us new life in potassium-rich snack foods.

The blessings of the meek, yet mighty, banana are many.

banana pudding
banana bread
banana cake
banana milkshakes
banana ice cream
etc.
​

Praise the banana.

~Barbara

 

[cantata]

The blessings of the meek, yet mighty, banana are many.

banana pudding
banana bread
banana cake
banana milkshakes
banana ice cream
etc.
​

Praise the banana.

~Barbara

Don't forget the banana fritters.

Or the banana-cut-in-half-with-a-Mars-bar-in-the-middle-and-then-wrapped-in-foil-and-put-on-the-barbecue.

Hallelujah!

 

[God-free]

Don't forget the banana fritters.

Or the banana-cut-in-half-with-a-Mars-bar-in-the-middle-and-then-wrapped-in-foil-and-put-on-the-barbecue.

Hallelujah!

But, of course. These I reserve for special bananian holidays.

~Barbara

 

[Cassandra]

liberals ::rolls eyes::

 

[truthshift]

Funny thread, but interesting and seemingly true as well. There's a quote I'm fond of, but I can't remember who said it for the life of me. The quote is something like this: "One pair of hands at work accomplish more than a million hands folded in prayer." Think about that.

Yeah, I am glad people are having fun with it.

I think that it is a serious issue though. Considering how prayers are supposedly answered, anyone or anything could answer those prayers in the same way. What makes the Christian god special?

In the same way that God did something; Banana did something.

Hail the almighty plantain.

 

[keith99]

Don't forget the banana fritters.

Or the banana-cut-in-half-with-a-Mars-bar-in-the-middle-and-then-wrapped-in-foil-and-put-on-the-barbecue.

Hallelujah!

The banana must die! Long live the banana.