I think you are mixing two concepts: who has what authority and how it should be handled. I have to be philosophical since I have never been in Christian leadership, although have been in secular leadership. I speak only because I think there is definitely room to take realistic steps toward something better in church authority/relationships/function.
Unfortunately, models of handling authority well don't make the headlines, and are rare in any event, which causes the problem to be an ongoing one. God gives authority for protecting and helping, and it can and should be handled with humility and relationship skills. Someone who handles their authority like a gorilla has failed to internalize an array of simple matters from Scripture (and is at risk of being spiritually abusive). I think sometimes it is because they find themselves with responsibilities to do things that God has not finished preparing them for, they are needed in an environment where a level of patience is needed that is not acceptable to some involved, or simply because they are not humble enough in the right ways. A fallen human is highly susceptible to having authority, power, wealth, success, or too much control erode their humility. My go-to verse for leaders is:
He who speaks on his own does so to gain honor for himself, but he who works for the honor of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him. (John 7:18, 1984 NIV)
A leader who is less susceptible to problems would be one who has constantly cultivated and implemented the perspective along the lines of, "God is in the room with me and wants me to do certain things with a certain attitude in certain ways at certain times, and there is no room for what I want." This is one of the reasons I gladly challenge anyone with Christian leadership responsibilities to be in prayer a bare minimum of an hour a day, because that is how one's will becomes aligned with God's will (in terms of what we can do; God can always bring about whatever he wants regardless of what anyone does). (I am presuming the leader is also attending to the other spiritual disciplines.)