How many of us on here have no dating life?

[Anabelle McClain]

People marry young for financial reasons. They also don’t realize how young they are. They live in the now. Their 18 years is their whole life & they haven’t seen anything yet & have little perspective of how young they are. If you’ve known someone for 5 years, that’s an eternity.

The reality is people have always married young. It used to be 14-15 in Bible times. I’d say couples older than them s/ be advising them not to be marrying so young, but more often then not, those couples older than them married young themselves. So it’d be hypocritical, kind of.

A lot of Christians tend to be very people-oriented too. This can explain why they marry young. It’s in their nature to want to be w/ people, w/ someone.

No it’s not just b/c they want to do each other. I like to imagine Christians especially are better than that. That being said, I'd bet most have already lost it by that time.

No homo, but I met my best friend in middle school. I’m 30 & he’s already 31. So yes, bonds can last even if they start young.

Yes, I agree with that. I have known so many people who knew the person they ended up marrying from childhood, they grew up together in the church and then they both decided to stay in their hometown and so at 19 thye just got married.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I definitely agree with you that young adults still have so much to learn about themselves and about what they need in their future spouse. But I would still stick to the fact that God might show someone who their future someone is and that person may as well marry rather than burn with passion. But I also see how wisdom points toward growing up a bit before making THAT life changing of a decision.
I also have noticed that some Christian communities very much prioritize getting married and preach that to their youth. I think in situations like that the church sets the trend of marrying young.

Yeah, they are just setting themselves up for disappointment

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yes, I agree with that. I have known so many people who knew the person they ended up marrying from childhood, they grew up together in the church and then they both decided to stay in their hometown and so at 19 thye just got married.

I have found that later one, say when they reach their 30s, one spouse wants out of the marriage, usually because they grew apart or their interests were no longer the same.

It was thing in my smallish town to jump on the bandwagon of all their peers marrying their HS sweet hearts....she admitted she jumped on that bandwagon.

She said she was never really attracted to her husband since the beginning, just went along witht he crowd....because that's what small town Americans do.

 

[Niels]

I have to wonder though, how many people who married young truly find happiness when they split later in life? It's one thing to leave an abusive situation, but quite another to leave for fear of missing out. The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, so the saying goes, but the reality of a situation can be quite different.

When it comes to marrying young, I'm not necessarily against it despite the fact that I will be "old" if I find a woman who clicks well enough with me to tie the knot. If I had a high school sweetheart, I might have married her, and I like to think that we'd still be happily together if we did.

Although personality might stabilize somewhat over time, people can change or show their true colors at any age. We're all imperfect works in progress, regardless of the season.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I have to wonder though, how many people who married young truly find happiness when they split later in life? It's one thing to leave an abusive situation, but quite another to leave for fear of missing out. The grass may look greener on the other side of the fence, so the saying goes, but the reality of a situation can be quite different.

When it comes to marrying young, I'm not necessarily against it despite the fact that I will be "old" if I find a woman who clicks well enough with me to tie the knot. If I had a high school sweetheart, I might have married her, and I like to think that we'd still be happily together if we did.

Although personality might stabilize somewhat over time, people can change or show their true colors at any age. We're all imperfect works in progress, regardless of the season.

There was this woman that I know that's a sister to a devout Christian older sister. She came from a deeply rooted Christian family.

She had a kid out of wedlock, and she kind of had a shot-gun wedding. Married at 18, and divorced at 30. She did a blog about it online, saying that her and her spouse were complete different people altogether by 30 and thus the divorce occured.

She later said she'll never marry again as she doesn't want to her to concern herself with having to keep in touch or keep tabs with her spouse in regards to her whereabouts. (always tied at the hip as a marital partner). She also finds marriage archaic.

Chances are, based what I've said above, her belief system took a nose dive to a more liberal, I'm an independent , career professional type. And, she is. She's a big deal at a major NYC company.
I'm thinking, his belief in being a traditional husband, and him expecting her to be the traditional wife were far split by their 30s...and thus why she ended things.

I recall her having said something about how she wasn't allowed to run for student body president in high school due to her pregnancy or something to that effect...as if she resented people trying to oppress her. Apparently, the school administration felt that she'd be best spending time with raising her daughter than to hold a position at the high school.

 

[Niels]

There was this woman that I know that's a sister to a devout Christian older sister. She came from a deeply rooted Christian family.

She had a kid out of wedlock, and she kind of had a shot-gun wedding. Married at 18, and divorced at 30. She did a blog about it online, saying that her and her spouse were complete different people altogether by 30 and thus the divorce occured.

She later said she'll never marry again as she doesn't want to her to concern herself with having to keep in touch or keep tabs with her spouse in regards to her whereabouts. (always tied at the hip as a marital partner). She also finds marriage archaic.

Chances are, based what I've said above, her belief system took a nose dive to a more liberal, I'm an independent , career professional type. And, she is. She's a big deal at a major NYC company.
I'm thinking, his belief in being a traditional husband, and him expecting her to be the traditional wife were far split by their 30s...and thus why she ended things.

I recall her having said something about how she wasn't allowed to run for student body president in high school due to her pregnancy or something to that effect...as if she resented people trying to oppress her. Apparently, the school administration felt that she'd be best spending time with raising her daughter than to hold a position at the high school.

If she got pregnant while they were still dating, had a shotgun wedding, etc. I'll go out on a limb and say that she wasn't as conservative or traditional as some would have you believe. The same might be said of her ex husband. Two impulsive kids married at gunpoint to maintain a family's public image as super-Christians. At least that's what I'm hearing. What could possibly go wrong? Sounds like a recipe for disaster, if you ask me.

For what it's worth, by young I didn't mean to suggest that teenagers get married. I was thinking early '20s at the youngest. When you're that young, you should probably date longer than a year or two before tying the knot. When somebody says that they married their high school sweetheart, I don't usually assume that they married immediately after high school, let alone with a shotgun wedding.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

If she got pregnant while they were still dating, had a shotgun wedding, etc. I'll go out on a limb and say that she wasn't as conservative or traditional as some would have you believe. The same might be said of her ex husband. Two impulsive kids married at gunpoint to maintain a family's public image as super-Christians. At least that's what I'm hearing. What could possibly go wrong? Sounds like a recipe for disaster, if you ask me.

For what it's worth, by young I didn't mean to suggest that teenagers get married. I was thinking early '20s at the youngest. When you're that young, you should probably date longer than a year or two before tying the knot. When somebody says that they married their high school sweetheart, I don't usually assume that they married immediately after high school, let alone with a shotgun wedding.

Good points on how their shotgun marriage may have been, including both of them....

I dunno, but it always kind of irked me about how these marriages came about in some kind of "we were friends for a long time" or "I knew him since gradeschool". I kind of envied that as well, this is one of those friendships that blossomed into something more, which...in my opinion...SHOULD happen (but who am I say what is "should" right?)

In my case, anyone I was friends with at first, well, I was friend zoned...that's it. Or when I was in my 20s, I would attempt to turn a friendship with a woman into something more....and that never worked for me because "I never was thought of...in...that...way". I was always thought of as sweet, kind, comfortable to be around, safe (sometimes still am), but when I attempt to make it more...they are like deer in headlights. lol

These situations always make me think of those Hollywood movies where these this male and female were friends, but one had true feelings for the other, or some awkward narrative that lead the guy to chasing her "friend" down at the airport to express his true feelings for her.

You know, "He was there the WHOLE time! My ONE true love, since I knew him when we rode the bus to 1st grade together!" It's kind of laughable when this actually happens in real life.

 

[RileyG]

Never been on a date. Don't plan to.

 

[RileyG]

Who cares if they marry young. The question is about us older folks.

30 is not old.

 

[Anabelle McClain]

Good points on how their shotgun marriage may have been, including both of them....

I dunno, but it always kind of irked me about how these marriages came about in some kind of "we were friends for a long time" or "I knew him since gradeschool". I kind of envied that as well, this is one of those friendships that blossomed into something more, which...in my opinion...SHOULD happen (but who am I say what is "should" right?)

In my case, anyone I was friends with at first, well, I was friend zoned...that's it. Or when I was in my 20s, I would attempt to turn a friendship with a woman into something more....and that never worked for me because "I never was thought of...in...that...way". I was always thought of as sweet, kind, comfortable to be around, safe (sometimes still am), but when I attempt to make it more...they are like deer in headlights. lol

These situations always make me think of those Hollywood movies where these this male and female were friends, but one had true feelings for the other, or some awkward narrative that lead the guy to chasing her "friend" down at the airport to express his true feelings for her.

You know, "He was there the WHOLE time! My ONE true love, since I knew him when we rode the bus to 1st grade together!" It's kind of laughable when this actually happens in real life.

It's always so sad(and kinda funny) when a guy gets friend zoned by his crush. Girls for some reason think that their guy friends are immune to romantic feelings towards them I've had multiple chilhood friendships broken due to that. Someone I really respect eventually told me that when you get to a certain age friendships just dont really exist between guys and girls without one eventually crushing on the other.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It's always so sad(and kinda funny) when a guy gets friend zoned by his crush. Girls for some reason think that their guy friends are immune to romantic feelings towards them I've had multiple chilhood friendships broken due to that. Someone I really respect eventually told me that when you get to a certain age friendships just dont really exist between guys and girls without one eventually crushing on the other.

Right, even as adults, when men get friend zoned, some men make the mistake of going along with it, hoping that it'll turn into more. I watch the YouTube channel "the better Bachelor" and he's like, "Never be friends with a woman you want to date".

On the flipside, with some women I met on dating sites, when they expressed they felt it wasn't a good match, and was wanting to be friends...I was actually okay with something platonic, was open to it. Then when I tried to make plans with her or if I'd invite her to a group gathering of friends...she's be too "busy" or wouldjust fade on me.

So it was kind of moot regardless and according to the better bachelor, her offering her friendship is just a light form of rejection. Doesn't really mean she wants you in her life, even as a friend.

Some women think there's something sociopathically wrong with a guy that's not open to friendships with women. I DO have genuine female friends, but I put a limit on that amount though. I say "I have enough female friends" and keep chuggin' along in my search to find a woman that can think of me of more than just a bud.

it is interesting that you say how some women think guys are 'immune" to developing feelings. I recall at time I asked a woman out, she agreed to it, then she called me a few mins later and asked me, "Is this a date?" and I'm like "Duh, what did out think it was?"

 

[Anabelle McClain]

Right, even as adults, when men get friend zoned, some men make the mistake of going along with it, hoping that it'll turn into more. I watch the YouTube channel "the better Bachelor" and he's like, "Never be friends with a woman you want to date".

On the flipside, with some women I met on dating sites, when they expressed they felt it wasn't a good match, and was wanting to be friends...I was actually okay with something platonic, was open to it. Then when I tried to make plans with her or if I'd invite her to a group gathering of friends...she's be too "busy" or wouldjust fade on me.

So it was kind of moot regardless and according to the better bachelor, her offering her friendship is just a light form of rejection. Doesn't really mean she wants you in her life, even as a friend.

Some women think there's something sociopathically wrong with a guy that's not open to friendships with women. I DO have genuine female friends, but I put a limit on that amount though. I say "I have enough female friends" and keep chuggin' along in my search to find a woman that can think of me of more than just a bud.

it is interesting that you say how some women think guys are 'immune" to developing feelings. I recall at time I asked a woman out, she agreed to it, then she called me a few mins later and asked me, "Is this a date?" and I'm like "Duh, what did out think it was?"

Yeah, I agree that real nonromantic friendships do exist with guys but I think you are tight in saying that there is a limit. Deep non romantic friendships between guys and girls are rare and precious.
Yes, girls never really expect their childhood guy friends to be capable of developing romantic feelings for them
Yes... I think girls sometimes just suggest friendship to a guy as a kind of peace offering. But most don't keep their bargain. But I would say that in my experience guys do that too.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yeah, I agree that real nonromantic friendships do exist with guys but I think you are tight in saying that there is a limit. Deep non romantic friendships between guys and girls are rare and precious.
Yes, girls never really expect their childhood guy friends to be capable of developing romantic feelings for them
Yes... I think girls sometimes just suggest friendship to a guy as a kind of peace offering. But most don't keep their bargain. But I would say that in my experience guys do that too.

Yes, esp. when you reach a certain age that the desire for a friendship only with a woman gets less and less as you're not getting any younger. I had a woman in her mid 40s that friend zoned me, and I'm like "Nope, too old for that, and you should be too...go hang with your gal pals if you want that.lol"

I may say something like "Friends first, with possibly of something more?" Some women follow that path, too.

 

[Anabelle McClain]

Yes, esp. when you reach a certain age that the desire for a friendship only with a woman gets less and less as you're not getting any younger. I had a woman in her mid 40s that friend zoned me, and I'm like "Nope, too old for that, and you should be too...go hang with your gal pals if you want that.lol"

I may say something like "Friends first, with possibly of something more?" Some women follow that path, too.

Haha, yeah, I get that. See..... I think that is what most girls don't understand about guys, the 'friends first, possibility of more mindset'

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Haha, yeah, I get that. See..... I think that is what most girls don't understand about guys, the 'friends first, possibility of more mindset'

Yeah, I saw this meme once in a singles FB group...showed Sponge Bob getting out of his chair and it saying, "This is me saying I'm out when my male friends start to express their feelings for me!"

Seemed kind of an insensitive meme towards the male gender...it's like, she's single and looking, struggling to find a nice guy but...takes issue with that?

I'm thinking, would you prefer dating a complete stranger?

Going back to marrying young....like I said , at age 19, marriage wasn't even my radar until my mid 20s....then I went to a singles group at church, and just about every 20-something there was divorced, with kids in tow. I was kind of shocked at the amount of Christian divorcee's though.

 

[Anabelle McClain]

Yeah, I saw this meme once in a singles FB group...showed Sponge Bob getting out of his chair and it saying, "This is me saying I'm out when my male friends start to express their feelings for me!"

Seemed kind of an insensitive meme towards the male gender...it's like, she's single and looking, struggling to find a nice guy but...takes issue with that?

I'm thinking, would you prefer dating a complete stranger?

Going back to marrying young....like I said , at age 19, marriage wasn't even my radar until my mid 20s....then I went to a singles group at church, and just about every 20-something there was divorced, with kids in tow. I was kind of shocked at the amount of Christian divorcee's though.

Yes, I agree that a good marriage should start from friendship! It's just that all my.friends are non Christians so I can't view them as an option. It is always an honor when a guy expresses feelings and I do think that lots of girls don't realize the courage it took the guy(especially if he is a close friend) to approach them and tell them the way he feels towards them. I agree girls can tend to be a bit insensitive in these types of situations.

I am shocked to hear that about Christians I think I've been out of the American church too long.... I had no idea it was that bad.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yes, I agree that a good marriage should start from friendship! It's just that all my.friends are non Christians so I can't view them as an option. It is always an honor when a guy expresses feelings and I do think that lots of girls don't realize the courage it took the guy(especially if he is a close friend) to approach them and tell them the way he feels towards them. I agree girls can tend to be a bit insensitive in these types of situations.

Yeah, it's more of an awkward, uncomfortable reaction as opposed to an appreciative one. If you were to point this out to some women, they'd probably criticize them for it. Also, there's the situation these days, where women are so afraid to reject men that they are afraid of the consequences of turning them down, so they just go radio silent instead. But that's kind of getting into another topic altogether.

 

[Christopher Range]

Not dating anyone.

 

[Anabelle McClain]

Yeah, it's more of an awkward, uncomfortable reaction as opposed to an appreciative one. If you were to point this out to some women, they'd probably criticize them for it. Also, there's the situation these days, where women are so afraid to reject men that they are afraid of the consequences of turning them down, so they just go radio silent instead. But that's kind of getting into another topic altogether.

Yeah, I get that. There seems be a middle line that girls should strive to walk, where they have courage enough to turn a guy down but also are gentle and loving enough to do it in a very kind way.

 

[Quiet Soul]

I have no dating life because two main reasons I am shy and quiet and no one ever listens to my opinions.