How many is "too many" partners?

[rita727]

How many sexual partners do you personally consider too many?


This thread is just out of curiousity. From the "Would You Marry Someoe with a High Number of Partners?" thread.

 

[Rhamiel]

i do not really care about a girls past that much, i mean i would like to be the first, but other then that, it does not really seem to matter

 

[EnemyPartyII]

I don't care about my partner's past. Its the future that is supposed to be important, right? Plus a little experience is never a bad thing.

 

[lostaquarium]

I'd prefer that we were each others' first. But ultimately it doesn't matter. If he's the right guy for me, and as long as he has no STDs, it's oK.

 

[xuxana]

i do not really care about a girls past that much, i mean i would like to be the first, but other then that, it does not really seem to matter

 

[Janetlove]

Anything over one is too many. I would prefer my future husband to remain a virgin though!

 

[The Penitent Man]

One is too many if HIV/AIDS or STD is involved. The person I was involved with had had multiple partners while she was my first. It's incredible that there were no negative consequences, physically speaking, from that relationship. How incredibly fortunate for me!

 

[explodingboy]

Well I'm happy to admit that I'm young and naive still, and have never really had any interest in the whole hook-up culture. So at this point in my life I'd probably consider anything past 3 or 4, as grounds for second thoughts.

 

[JohnDB]

I can't give you a specific number....but the effect is what is at stake.

When the other person has lost certain boundaries of behavior...that is when it is too many.

That can happen at one or four or fifty.

 

[EnemyPartyII]

One is too many if HIV/AIDS or STD is involved. The person I was involved with had had multiple partners while she was my first. It's incredible that there were no negative consequences, physically speaking, from that relationship. How incredibly fortunate for me!

Incredible? Methinks someone has swallowed a little too much abstinence only rhetoric.

 

[Obzocky]

The past is the past. If you dwell on numbers you can start to forget than it doesn't matter how many previous partners they may of had as this is their first time with you and as a Christian i'd imagine this first time with you will also be their last unique sexual experience, meaning you are the individual they've decided to spend the rest of their life with.

It just doesn't bother me

 

[EnemyPartyII]

To those who thinks it matters... could one of you tell me why the number of previous partners someone may have is remotely important to you? If its anything beyond personal insecurity, I'll be very much surprised.

 

[explodingboy]

To those who thinks it matters... could one of you tell me why the number of previous partners someone may have is remotely important to you? If its anything beyond personal insecurity, I'll be very much surprised.

Well your probably right, there is a hint of personal insecurity involved but thats not really what bothers me.

If I'm going to date someone, I think I have every right to be picky about it, and the number of previous sexual partners a person has had, is most certainly something to take into account. To pretend it doesn't matter is the bigger lie.

I simply wouldn't get along well with someone who is expect sex after the 3rd date.

 

[gzt]

To those who thinks it matters... could one of you tell me why the number of previous partners someone may have is remotely important to you? If its anything beyond personal insecurity, I'll be very much surprised.

Large number of partners = large amount of potential baggage. It's evidence of having had, in the past, certain views of sexuality which they might not be completely healed of. Any number of partners outside of marriage has this risk. St Paul says that when you have sex, you make yourself "one flesh" with them. It's not a bond to be taken lightly. I don't like the whole concept of putting a number on this, because 1 could be too many and 120 can be cured. But there's a difference between somebody who had sex with one person at 18, repented of it, and now, at 25 has met you and is interested in a relationship and somebody who averaged a new sexual partner each month for 10 years - there's a certain consistency to the habit that takes a while to break.

 

[EnemyPartyII]

Well your probably right, there is a hint of personal insecurity involved but thats not really what bothers me.

If I'm going to date someone, I think I have every right to be picky about it, and the number of previous sexual partners a person has had, is most certainly something to take into account. To pretend it doesn't matter is the bigger lie.

I simply wouldn't get along well with someone who is expect sex after the 3rd date.

So, you are working under the assumption that someone who has had more than one or two previous sexual partners is going to want sex early in the relationship?

Interesting.

 

[EnemyPartyII]

Large number of partners = large amount of potential baggage. It's evidence of having had, in the past, certain views of sexuality which they might not be completely healed of. Any number of partners outside of marriage has this risk. St Paul says that when you have sex, you make yourself "one flesh" with them. It's not a bond to be taken lightly. I don't like the whole concept of putting a number on this, because 1 could be too many and 120 can be cured. But there's a difference between somebody who had sex with one person at 18, repented of it, and now, at 25 has met you and is interested in a relationship and somebody who averaged a new sexual partner each month for 10 years - there's a certain consistency to the habit that takes a while to break.

POTENTIAL baggage, "potential" being the operative word. I think its a shame to pre-judge people based on a stereotype rather than on their individual merrits.

I'd actually agree that people who have a large number of sexual partners TEND (important word that) to have some damage somewhere in their past, however I believe that a higher number of sexual partners is generally a symptom, rather than the cause, of such damage. That said, there are also a great many people who have had more than a few previous sexual partners and are well rounded, inteligent, generally happy and constructive members of society who are a pleasure to be around and good to have on your side in a crisis. I think everyone deserves at least a closer examination as to see which category they fall into before writing them off.

As with a great many "Christian" issues though, I think the language involved tells the deeper motivation here. If people were actually worried about peoples' emotional baggage, the thread would be titled "how much emotional baggage is too much?". But its not. And the first few responses continue the idea that the number of prior sexual partners is what's important. Not the actual effect of those partners on the person's psyche.

 

[Obzocky]

As with a great many "Christian" issues though, I think the language involved tells the deeper motivation here. If people were actually worried about peoples' emotional baggage, the thread would be titled "how much emotional baggage is too much?". But its not. And the first few responses continue the idea that the number of prior sexual partners is what's important. Not the actual effect of those partners on the person's psyche.

Re: emotional baggage
I think that's another issue i'm not too concerned with as I have enough baggage of my own without the sexual partners and what not. It's part of that person, for better or worse, so it would be a case of overcoming it together (as hard as it may be) or perhaps accepting that we're incompatible when you combine the issues together, especially if one/both are not willing to work on the minimising the baggage.

 

[explodingboy]

So, you are working under the assumption that someone who has had more than one or two previous sexual partners is going to want sex early in the relationship?

Interesting.

Well what can I say, large numbers of previous partners hardly suggests a trend of waiting. Also not for 1 or 2, my maths works on numbers past the 4 or 5, figuring that I'm not dating someone much older than me, and not they're not being sexual active before 16 at the earliest.

(it's a very complicated system that probably makes no sense outside of my mind, but I don't consider it draconian high standards either)

 

[EnemyPartyII]

Well what can I say, large numbers of previous partners hardly suggests a trend of waiting. Also not for 1 or 2, my maths works on numbers past the 4 or 5, figuring that I'm not dating someone much older than me, and not they're not being sexual active before 16 at the earliest.

(it's a very complicated system that probably makes no sense outside of my mind, but I don't consider it draconian high standards either)

Do you anticipate making your standards more flexible as you age?

I just wonder, because I'm by no means "easy", I'm certainly not a "sleep with them on the third date" type girl... indeed, from most of the discussions with people my age I've had, my number of sexual partners is pretty average, if not a little on the low side, but by your standards, I'd be counted out of the running. (You know, if I were into exploding boys of course)

So, I think I'm an OK person, I certainly wouldn't preasure my new GF of the time to have sex on date 3, or 4, or 5 or any time until she was ready, so I guess I'm wondering why you (and people like you) are keen to disqualify me (and people like me) for what seems a fairly arbitrary reason?

 

[JohnDB]

So, I think I'm an OK person, I certainly wouldn't preasure my new GF of the time to have sex on date 3, or 4, or 5 or any time until she was ready, so I guess I'm wondering why you (and people like you) are keen to disqualify me (and people like me) for what seems a fairly arbitrary reason?

It isn't numbers....it is boundaries.

And when a person has had a high number of partners it means that they have difficulty with boundaries that others do not.

Since water finds it's own level...it simply means that Exploding Boy and you are not on the same water level.

The sheer majority of water levels inside of Christiandom being in Exploding Boy's camp.