How long will I cry? *long*

[cinnabunch]

I was extremly close to my stepdad. He spent endless hours showing me what things in the bible meant, he never was too busy for me, to encourage me, to guide me when I was angry at God..etc..

He was the first Godly example of a safe male role model I ever had. We had a special father/daughter relationship that I'm ever thankful for.

But it has been 5 1/2 yrs since God took him home.

My fiance's coworker had a heartattack and so we went to visit him in the hospital yesterday. Now, of course its the holidays and I drove by mom and my stepdad's old home on the way to the hospital...so I was already missing him....but when I walked into that hospital ward...I was instantly emmensed in a flood of memories.

It was set up just like where he was, and when I saw those glass doors of the hospital rooms...and just started shaking immediatly and had to leave. It took me 45 minutes to regain composure. It was so embarrasing.

He was in the hospital for 3 weeks before he died, and he knew when he went in, he would never come out. He said it. For 3 weeks I had to be my mom's support...remember all the doctors said...keep everything situated..and transporte my mom back and forth the 2 hr drive almost daily through the whole thing. My (at the time) husband was no support for me, and made things even harder emotionally and I felt that I had no time to greive his sickness.

I never question God why...because I believe He wanted to reward a good and faithful man...I just wish I had more time with him...and that my children had more time with pop-pop.

I've let myself grieve over this...not till after my husband and I split up..but I felt like I have...yet still today I cry as though it happened 5 months ago instead of 5 yrs. *sigh

cindy

 

[angelkiss]

Grief is a very hard thing, and it works differently for different people. I have lost a lot of loved-ones throughout my life and each one is hard. Some I can deal with better than others.
I just lost my only brother Jan. of this year, and I was in more of a state of disbelief more than anything. Then, the reality slapped me in the face, and then I kept wishing I could've told him goodbye properly. And knowing that we hadn't spoke in the last 3 years was really bareing on my mind and made my grieving worse. I have finally been a little more at ease, but I try so hard not to think of things and just keep pushing forward. Thinking of the good memories seems to make it a little easier.
's and es!!

 

[christian19]

hi.

I so sorry to here that you stepdad died , if you need to speek to someone , then please feel free to PM any time . I hope you are ok .

 

[cinnabunch]

I'm ok. Sometimes I just get surprised at how fresh the pain is.

cindy

 

[Akathist]

Grief comes to many of us in waves of emotional pain. Over time the waves seem to become less intense.

 

[Amin]

Grief comes to many of us in waves of emotional pain. Over time the waves seem to become less intense.

Hi Cindy,
My father passed away 21 years ago.
I still miss him at times.
The many days that have gone by have eased the pain so now it's a memory of a good man.
Sure i still get a little sad, and wish he was here for support, but i always thought that was being a little selfish of me.
He suffered with lung disease for 12 yrs. someone asked me, would you rather have him around still sick, or be with the Father in heaven?
It made me think, and helped me to let go and be more at ease.
Sure, I'd rather he be here, but not the way he was.
I'm happy that he's with the Lord, and miss him at the same time.
Crazy, right.
I pray that God would ease those things for you and comfort your memories of him.
He must have been a very special man.
Bless You.
Chuck.

 

[i1will1obey1god]

oh god my grandmother died today and i feel horrible

 

[lavenderskies]

I was extremly close to my stepdad. He spent endless hours showing me what things in the bible meant, he never was too busy for me, to encourage me, to guide me when I was angry at God..etc..

He was the first Godly example of a safe male role model I ever had. We had a special father/daughter relationship that I'm ever thankful for.

But it has been 5 1/2 yrs since God took him home.

My fiance's coworker had a heartattack and so we went to visit him in the hospital yesterday. Now, of course its the holidays and I drove by mom and my stepdad's old home on the way to the hospital...so I was already missing him....but when I walked into that hospital ward...I was instantly emmensed in a flood of memories.

It was set up just like where he was, and when I saw those glass doors of the hospital rooms...and just started shaking immediatly and had to leave. It took me 45 minutes to regain composure. It was so embarrasing.

He was in the hospital for 3 weeks before he died, and he knew when he went in, he would never come out. He said it. For 3 weeks I had to be my mom's support...remember all the doctors said...keep everything situated..and transporte my mom back and forth the 2 hr drive almost daily through the whole thing. My (at the time) husband was no support for me, and made things even harder emotionally and I felt that I had no time to greive his sickness.

I never question God why...because I believe He wanted to reward a good and faithful man...I just wish I had more time with him...and that my children had more time with pop-pop.

I've let myself grieve over this...not till after my husband and I split up..but I felt like I have...yet still today I cry as though it happened 5 months ago instead of 5 yrs. *sigh

cindy

I completely understand your pain. My father died in 1996 and sometimes it feels like it was yesterday.

 

[eveningsunset]

Bless your heart cinnabunch....I hate to tell you this but the pain will probably always be there....You will just learn how to cope with it as time goes on...As I was saying in another post I lost my daughter 5 1/2 years ago and my heart is still breaking...I was crying just last night....You will have those crying times...

 

[Katieg]

It has been 11 years since I lost my mother and I have realized that this grief never will go away – it will just change over time. And it takes a long time – not what everyone else would like it to take – like a month or two!!!! What is wrong with these people who do not understand the pain that is involved with this process. I finally found a book on Amazon.com that really helped. It was an easy read and seemed to “speak” to me and made me understand that what I went through was the “norm” and I was not abnormal or nuts!! It talked about the culture we live in as well and why it makes things so difficult.
The name of the book was Baby Boomers Face Grief but it talked generally about grief and a little bit about why this will be so hard for Baby Boomers.