How long to suffer?

[Purplecocoon]

I have been married for 9 years. He provides for us (our 2 daughters and I). He is in his way a loving father, hard working man and likes to be with us.

Since the very beginning of our relationship 11 years ago he has hurt me (by not being in time and not letting me know, being aggressive to the world/to me, yelling at me, not making me feel important because always there is something that comes first. After a stopped working to take care of our first daughter things turn uglier. He had no patience to help go through my post depression. He became more aggressive and less loving to me. He lived in a circle of pain, resentment and also good moments. I had it. I tried everything I could to communicate with him, he kept hurting me. I proposed to separated thinking that he will react and conquer me back. I had said this words to our therapist before. We had gone to therapy before. I found out he has being dating online, watching porno, he also had an affair (sex included) and he blame me for it.
He say he is sorry. We started going to church seeking for help. I am working my way into healing and forgiving. Praying reading the bible and other related books, going to women bible study about marriage. He says he is doing his part but he is not. I keep finding lies. He keeps doing things that hurts even if I tell him that hurts me. He keeps watching women online. He keeps saying he is sorry bit there is NO CHANGE.
I want out of this marriage. I am a great mother, a loving wife but he is bringing the worst out of me. I want to turn back not the loving wife that I was, I am doing "my homework" to bring her back because she got lost among pain, resentment and bitterness. But every time I reset the clock. He does something stupid. How long, how long do I have to keep trying and reopenning all my wounds???

 

[If Not For Grace]

You have every reason to get out, so if you want out-get out. In order for people to change they really have to want to because they feel it's necessary even then it's hard. A wolf will always be a wolf..do not be fooled because it resembles a dog.

 

[Purplecocoon]

I want out. But I don't know how. I am not financially independent. Neither I have where to go, we are going to therapy with a pastor. He is willing to go but it seems that I am asking to much out of him.
I want to do what God won't see bad. When is divorse OK for GOD

 

[ChandraC]

You have Biblical grounds for divorce with his adultery. I know many marriages survive it, but not all do. I would imagine repentance is a key for those marriages that survive. It sounds like your husband is sorry he gets caught, but not sorry for what he does. He sounds abusive in every way. Please do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Is your pastor supportive of you? I know sometimes pastors can expect a woman to take abuse and make her feel like she is the one to blame for her husband's poor choices.

 

[dayhiker]

Purple ... my heart goes out to you. I'd say when every your ready, at the end of your rope you can leave.

I would say to try and find a way to separate your heart from his so that his pain doesn't cause you so much pain. That is hard to do I'm sure, I have done it at individual attacks at me, but I've never had to live with an aggressive person. To work it another way, divorce him in your heart and then plan how your going to take care of your kids and make a living. If you go that way, start to create your own bank accounts, plan the divorce so you get your share, ie, don't let him hid money that wouldn't be counted when the divorce comes. keep your own copy of the finances. You will probably feel some better if you feel your building your own life. ya, I know not easy.

 

[Ironbutterfly]

Many years ago, I too was stuck in a marriage with no way out. I prayed for the Lord to open a door for me. ex husband was physically abusive to me, then to our son when he was 18mos old. That was the end of the line for me. I was on mid-nights and needed to go to days, impossible at that time. I kept praying. Then a co-worker approached me to switch to days for her and she would take my shift. The Lord opened the door for an out.

The Lord will always give us an out. Take your time, prepare your heart as one poster suggested. Hide some money aside(I did) and wait on the Lord. Ask your Pastor if he knows of anyone who has a rental, folks who could help you get a start. Can family or friends help get you started?

Thoughts and prayers to you..a door will open if you give all of this to the Lord.....