How long should the relationship be, before asking to marry?

[blackribbon]

Tokitee never said it was non-sexual.

Since this site is Christian and only allows for the promotion of sex within the context of marriage, I think it is fair of me to assume this is a celibate dating situation.

 

[blackribbon]

I dont really know, never had a relationship before.
I was thinking "what would be wise thing to do before getting married?" Then, I thought, having money saved up would be wise. I have kept in contact with my classmates and some of my married classmates had to go back home and live with someone's parents house, because they couldnt afford living on their own.
I had to move back to my parents house but, it makes me wonder if those who are married; do they move in with their in-laws or, do they have separate and go to their own parent s house?

I was dreaming of saving for a house when I get married, it's a dream, and it's ok to be unrealistic when you dream big. It won't happen of course.

The important thing is to not get married until you can afford to live as independent adults. But there is a lot of difference between living in a small apartment and owning a home. The key is learning to live within your means when you get married.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Since this site is Christian and only allows for the promotion of sex within the context of marriage, I think it is fair of me to assume this is a celibate dating situation.

Well, it could be safe to say that they aren't having sex...persee', but I'm sure there's some fooling around going on. The whole "everything but sex" thing. But, that's save for another post topic.

 

[blackribbon]

Well, it could be safe to say that they aren't having sex...persee', but I'm sure there's some fooling around going on. The whole "everything but sex" thing. But, that's save for another post topic.

Everything but sex would still get old for several years....

 

[Jonaitis]

Many people will give a vague "It depends", or "Up to you".

Well after the first 1-hour date, asking to marry or the very first 30 minutes sounds like a terrible idea.

Does anyone have some wisdom to shine in this area?

I wish I could wait at least 3 years, like my parents, but people are waay too impatient these days and will leave you if you don't decide after six months in.

 

[blackribbon]

I wish I could wait at least 3 years, like my parents, but people are waay too impatient these days and will leave you if you don't decide after six months in.

Did your parents wait 3 years before becoming engaged (per OP) or wait 3 years from 1st date till wedding date?

Why would you want to wait for 3 years if you found the person you wanted to marry?

 

[pantingdeer]

Steps:
1. Find attractive girl who is kind
2. Get married

 

[Jonaitis]

Did your parents wait 3 years before becoming engaged (per OP) or wait 3 years from 1st date till wedding date?

Why would you want to wait for 3 years if you found the person you wanted to marry?

I should have been more clear, the three years include dating and engagement before marriage.

I've learned a lot about a person and how the fuzzy feelings can dramatically change after a year, and I want to have some sort of assurance, if you want to call it that, that we will be committed for the long run. It is almost a test to see if we are ready for this. I am not at a place to be ready to commit (to begin engagement) after knowing a person less than a year, it is too short in my opinion. Sure, the engagement can stretch, but usually you plan to marry immediately after it (at most a year I've seen with people). If that is too long for the person, or any person, I'd rather remain single than set myself up to fail with many of the statistics of divorce in this day and age. Some will call me out by saying that I am not trusting God's providence and the fidelity of a believer, but humans are weak and can stumble no matter who you are (and yes only God can work it out) and behavior patterns have shifted since the 50's with the sexes. I am a little more cautious in areas that should be dealt with in a very serious manner. Marriage is not like dating, it is a life long commitment until death (divorce doesn't separate the two before God's eyes until they die).

Anyways, those are some of my thoughts.

 

[blackribbon]

I should have been more clear, the three years include dating and engagement before marriage.

I've learned a lot about a person and how the fuzzy feelings can dramatically change after a year, and I want to have some sort of assurance, if you want to call it that, that we will be committed for the long run. It is almost a test to see if we are ready for this. I am not at a place to be ready to commit (to begin engagement) after knowing a person less than a year, it is too short in my opinion. Sure, the engagement can stretch, but usually you plan to marry immediately after it (at most a year I've seen with people). If that is too long for the person, or any person, I'd rather remain single than set myself up to fail with many of the statistics of divorce in this day and age. Some will call me out by saying that I am not trusting God's providence and the fidelity of a believer, but humans are weak and can stumble no matter who you are (and yes only God can work it out) and behavior patterns have shifted since the 50's with the sexes. I am a little more cautious in areas that should be dealt with in a very serious manner. Marriage is not like dating, it is a life long commitment until death (divorce doesn't separate the two before God's eyes until they die).

Anyways, those are some of my thoughts.

The OP asked how long until you consider asking someone to marry you...I also believe a year is a decent estimate...and think a minimum of six months before you start seriously evaluating if this is a relationship that could be a possible "keeper". I think dating for years and years without getting engaged means that at least one party isn't in it for the long haul. Less, means you haven't usually started to get past the warm fuzzies to be able to see both the weaknesses as well as the strengths of the person. Being "engaged" for years means the same thing, just that the one who has doubts isn't ready to let the relationship go either.

 

[sunshineforJesus]

I say wait as long as you feel in your heart is right to wait.

 

[Rawtheran]

Steps:
1. Find attractive girl who is kind
2. Get married

If this were Reddit I would give you Gold

 

[pantingdeer]

If this were Reddit I would give you Gold

thank you. you made my day