I've been through four churches in my lifetime and each one I've been abused, bullied and intimidated. I haven't been able to settle in church these past few years, so I watch Revelation TV etc where they have 'church without walls' on. I just can't seem to get anything started in my life whatsoever. When I watch Christian teaching on the TV, I hear, "Don't move an inch without knowing it's from God and it's His will" and then, "God won't steer a parked car". I am so confused and end up not moving an inch in case it's not God's will. Marriage never happened, children never happened. It's all past me by as I kept waiting on the Lord to 'send a spouse'. Maybe it's never been meant I got married - who knows.
So yeah that is an unfortunate situation for sure, but still not one God can't fix so continue trusting in Him. I'd tell you like this, we should wait for God to move as He wills, but waiting isn't a passive thing, it's active. Think of a waiter/waitress in a restaurant. They wait on tables, they are always doing something and when they are given a specific order, they fulfill it. That type of thing. We all know from the scriptures that God has given all of us a general call, a general sense of direction in life. To live holy, to share His love, to pray, etc. Start there, then as you are doing those things, look for God to give you more specific leadings.
As
@Hammster mentioned, being involved in a church is vital. I understand completely the desire to not want to be due to hurt or neglect. I totally get that, but not all gatherings are bad, just persevere. If you visit one and it doesn't fit well with your spirit, find another. Keep searching and don't give up. God will place you where He wants you and needs you. The things you've experienced and dealt with will help you down the road and you may be put in a position to give wise advice to someone else so they don't have the same pitfalls that came upon you.
About having a family, that is rough. I can't sympathize with you as I have a family with children, but I do understand from the point of view that I'd be heartbroken without them. I will tell you like this. You are still young, 51 isn't not past the point of finding love and joining with another in matrimony. Pray about it and seek God, fast over it and God will answer you. Go back to what I said about waiting and while you are seeking a church home, be open to some new ideas God may bring about concerning your relationship. You will know when the right one has come. Child bearing may be out of the question, may be, God gave Sarah children when she was 90 so it's never impossible. But you can always adopt a child and they need love just as much as your own. It's not the same I know, but something to consider.
I'll pray for you and prayerfully you'll find some clarity and hope in all of this through the Holy Spirit.