How is this not adultery?

[Tropical Wilds]

I know its just so hard to let go. especially when my situation is so weird it makes me feel very isolated and alone. like today we were in the office together and he kept walking away to look at his phone and I figure he's probably looking for text messagesfrom other women. He says he's only been talking really in depth with one woman. I asked if they are exclusively dating and he says no I haven't even talked to her on the phone yet. The fact that him and i are even discussing him talking to other women its just so weird.

Stop talking to him about it. Your asking translates to curiosity about the situation and implies you are feeling him out. I promise you, he's on a polygamous website celebrating that his wife is finally asking probing questions about the other woman.

Stop talking to him.

Stop engaging him.

Stop trying to argue with him.

You will not win.

You will stress yourself out for no reason.

You will give him reason to think that he has a chance to float this with you.

 

[Inkachu]

Stop Talking To Him About Other Women. Stop Asking Him What He's Doing With Other Women. Stop Watching What He's Doing On His Phone Or His Computer. Leave. The Man. Alone.

 

[Autumnleaf]

AL, if your wife had profiles on dating websites, texting and emailing other men, and made it completely clear to you that she wanted to have ten husbands - oh, but she loves you....would you feel like she's faithful?

I would if she was being honest about it. I'd think she was a bit crazy, but I would respect her honesty.

 

[LoveConquers]

I would if she was being honest about it. I'd think she was a bit crazy, but I would respect her honesty.

Respecting ones honesty does not mean you have to be in agreement with what they are doing, especially if it hurts you and you feel it's morally and spiritually wrong.

 

[Hetta]

Stop talking to him about it. Your asking translates to curiosity about the situation and implies you are feeling him out. I promise you, he's on a polygamous website celebrating that his wife is finally asking probing questions about the other woman.

Stop talking to him.

Stop engaging him.

Stop trying to argue with him.

You will not win.

You will stress yourself out for no reason.

You will give him reason to think that he has a chance to float this with you.

Stop Talking To Him About Other Women. Stop Asking Him What He's Doing With Other Women. Stop Watching What He's Doing On His Phone Or His Computer. Leave. The Man. Alone.

^^ These.

Our concern is for you, not him.

I'm afraid that you will open a door, through your love for him and desire to be with him, and you will be persuaded that it's really okay after all.

Don't do it. You think it hurts now? Wait until he's bringing a woman in for an 'interview' for a position as second wife. And third. And fourth.

Let me just tell you something that happened to a daughter of a friend of mine - and this is true, and I've mentioned it before on another thread. She was married for around 4 years and her husband was cheating. She was upset and tried to get him to stop, and he proposed a scenario that they have a 'sister wife' arrangement (they watched the show together so that she would know what it meant). She wanted to hold onto him so badly that she agreed. So he moved the woman in. Later, he moved in a pregnant woman - even though he had told his wife that he never wanted kids. Eventually, although she bent over backwards to be all that and more, he turned on her, as did the other 'wives', and they forced her out. She has now divorced him and is trying to start over and thank goodness she is young, but it was a horrible scenario that damaged her very badly. She still ended up with no husband, even though she tried her best to 'fit in' with his desires. No, no and NO again.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Respecting ones honesty does not mean you have to be in agreement with what they are doing, especially if it hurts you and you feel it's morally and spiritually wrong.

True. I can't use mind control on her to make her do what I want her to. Its a question of if its a deal breaker or not for me, or per the Bible.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Proverbs 5:15-19

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
16 Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
17 Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
18 May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer —
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
NIV

1 Peter 3:7

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers .
NIV
1 Corinthians 7:2-5
2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time ,
NIV

 

[xBeex]

Of course he is in the wrong. It is adultery. I will post more later but got to leave the house now.

 

[BeforeThereWas]

I read Deuteronomy 17:17 which states "Do not multiply wives." Hmm?

Yes I am in counseling.

Do some more study in that same section of scripture that also says for kings to not multiply horses. Are you prepared to demand that all men who have more than one horse is living in sin?

Think about all this before launching out into the wild, liberal, post modern style of christianity here in the West before demanding he's committing adultry against you.

Do you even know the biblical definition for adultery?

From what I'm seeing, you don't.

Justifying false accusation on the basis of strong emotions will never hold up before the Throne of the Most High.

What's important is to remain biblical in ALL you say and believe.

The anti-polygamy bandwagon is filled with people who are guilty of contextual slaughter, and many other violations of proper rules for interpreting scripture.

BTW

 

[BeforeThereWas]

Notgivingup, there are some very unhealthy and anti-scriptural advice from some in this thread. I hope you didn't jump with them and make a grave mistake.

 

[moerunamida]

Just a heads up: this thread is a year old and the OP hasn't been on since May of 2014.

 

[DZoolander]

Why would anyone need to find a biblical verse to prove that bringing more women into the marriage is wrong, anyhow? Why isn't "that wasn't part of the deal and I don't want to share you with others" enough?

 

[DZoolander]

Zombie thread aside.

 

[Saul Hudson]

First, I am sorry to hear this. He will be accountable to God for his breaking your heart.

Second, you cannot prove polygamy wrong with the Bible because the Bible was written by a culture that practiced polygamy. They did it all the time and great men of God, like Abraham and Jacob were polygamists. The thing is, it is only to be done when God commands it to be done, otherwise a man is to have one wife. Your husband doesnt have the spirit of God or he would know this.

Third, technically, adultery is having sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse. So unless he is having some form of sex with these women, he is not committing adultery. What he is doing is betraying you and your feelings. Going out talking to women, trying to get more wives is just crazy. You have a husband who is full of darkness and has been deceived probably beyond repair. Let him lead himself down to hell, you need to get out of there!

 

[sdmsanjose]

By notgivngup
His biggest dream is to have as many kids as humanly possible that's how he sees he will change the world.
he wants a polygamous life so he can have 50 or more children
His mom says that he doesn't deserve me that he's taking me for granted and he will wake up one day and regret it all. She thinks he needs psychological help but of course he won't go

Your husband seems like a person that could be the leader of a cult. Your husband is a kook! You need to take ACTIONS so that you can take care of yourself emotionally, financially, and spiritually without him interacting with you in any way.


NO NOT have any contact with him but concentrate solely on how you are going to get into a position that you need him for nothing. Your emotional health is at stake!

 

[swordsman]

Sin can certainly make people do/think outrageous, irrational and just plain stupid things... I am sorry about your situation, ma'am.

Unfortunately, I know some guys who have this same mentality although not quite the same story as yours, and I'm bewildered "What on earth are they thinking!!??"

Have any of you ever wondered how such people will try to explain their actions when they need to take into account their deeds before Almighty God one day? I'd consider it comedic, if it wasn't such a sad and serious issue...

God help us!

 

[tenderheart1]

He is trying to justify what he's doing. Yes, he is committing adultery with these women.