How important is sweetness in your future partner?

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I'm not sure where I would rank this characteristic, but it may not be as important as I once thought. I think while it is a nice characteristic for someone to have, two characteristics come to mind that are vastly way more important. They would be your partners ability to self regulate their emotions on their own, and overall maturity. Some may rank sweetness higher than these two, and to be honest it is easier to find someone who is sweet, over someone who can self regulate their own emotions independently and so forth but I think those two things are vital for any kind of mature real relationship to occur. That doesn't end in you having to constantly reassure someone of something, or help calm down, but its better if your future partner already knows how to handle their emotions and regulate them appropriately independent of you.

I also think that most adults in general just are poor at emotional self regulation. So it is hard to find someone who values this, and has it themselves. Especially in my age range.

 

[timewerx]

Not everyone can be sweet. At this stage, I could probably marry a Klingon and it wouldn't matter!

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Not everyone can be sweet. At this stage, I could probably marry a Klingon and it wouldn't matter!

Well some people have sweet personalities others a sweet appearance, some both, some neither.

 

[LoveDivine]

I don't think that a sweet temperament and emotional stability are mutually exclusive. I think people mistakenly think of a sweet person as being a bit needy, mushy, or helpless. You can emanate kindness and genuine interest in others ( my defintion of sweetness) and still have a backbone and an independent streak.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I don't think that a sweet temperament and emotional stability are mutually exclusive. I think people mistakenly think of a sweet person as being a bit needy, mushy, or helpless. You can emanate kindness and genuine interest in others ( my defintion of sweetness) and still have a backbone and an independent streak.

I agree its possible, just not likely. Mainly because to find someone with qualities that involve not being an emotional mess, or the need to be comforted all the time, it's hard to find that in someone who is so "sweet." So it's possible but shouldn't be expected. If you are going with someone super sweet, be prepared to do a lot of comforting and reassuring, something I don't need in my life personally.

 

[timewerx]

I agree its possible, just not likely. Mainly because to find someone with qualities that involve not being an emotional mess, or the need to be comforted all the time, it's hard to find that in someone who is so "sweet." So it's possible but shouldn't be expected. If you are going with someone super sweet, be prepared to do a lot of comforting and reassuring, something I don't need in my life personally.

You're describing a damsel in distress or a person with very fragile character, not a sweet person.

A sweet person desires to please and not cause any offense. They can be very strong than we give them credit for.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

They can be very strong than we give them credit for.

Well saying this shows there's at the very least a hidden assumption about someone who is a sweet person. I am not saying that all people who are sweet, are emotional wrecks I'm just saying it tends to be the case. Of course you can be sweet, and not emotionally fragile, but there is at least a pattern of being sweet, and being fragile emotionally. So is the sweetness worth all of that is the question. There's at least some connection between sweetness and sensitivity that exists. Surely.

 

[timewerx]

Well saying this shows there's at the very least a hidden assumption about someone who is a sweet person. I am not saying that all people who are sweet, are emotional wrecks I'm just saying it tends to be the case. Of course you can be sweet, and not emotionally fragile, but there is at least a pattern of being sweet, and being fragile emotionally. So is the sweetness worth all of that is the question. There's at least some connection between sweetness and sensitivity that exists. Surely.

I think I know what you mean. People who have sweet demeanor because of the culture they grew up in. A middle class suburban upbringing perhaps, had a sense of entitlement, and had things so easy for them. Had an easy life generally-speaking.

But when thing get rough or even just little problems, they crumble like cookies.

I wouldn't call that sweet. They are only being sweet upfront but not really who they are inside. What they truly are is who they are in the rough times, not when everything is going great or if they need something from you.

 

[sundewgrower]

I'm really sedate and calm--relatively sweet and thoughtful. I need somebody somewhat compatible or otherwise sincere else I'll be hurt or mistreated if you will.

 

[blackribbon]

I think many people would describe their nurses as "sweet" but they definitely are strong emotionally or they couldn't get their job done. I know many women who are quiet and sweet spirits but emotionally very strong.

I agree with Timewerx, I think that you are mixing frail with sweet.

 

[redblue22]

sweet sounds cool. anything to get her out of the mainstream.

 

[blackribbon]

Is "innocence" basically a synonym to "sweet".

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

I think many people would describe their nurses as "sweet" but they definitely are strong emotionally or they couldn't get their job done. I know many women who are quiet and sweet spirits but emotionally very strong.

I agree with Timewerx, I think that you are mixing frail with sweet.

We could just as easily name all the nurses out there who would be described as a nurse from hell. So I wouldn't want to distract from this thread with a focus on nurses. Neither am I saying that exceptions don't exist. What I am saying is I do think that there is a connection between sweetness and sensitivity. For instance if some man or woman is crying during the ending of The Titanic. One might say awww they are so sweet, but also it seems there is a slightly more sensitive nature involved here. Perhaps I'm wrong and there is no connection between someone who is sweet, and someone who is more sensitive to their environment and what not. I'm definitely not making an absolute claim, more so a general one, perhaps a trend you would expect to see from someone who you hear is sweet. You would expect them to be more sensitive than some bitter person for sure.

 

[blackribbon]

We could just as easily name all the nurses out there who would be described as a nurse from hell. So I wouldn't want to distract from this thread with a focus on nurses. Neither am I saying that exceptions don't exist. What I am saying is I do think that there is a connection between sweetness and sensitivity. For instance if some man or woman is crying during the ending of The Titanic. One might say awww they are so sweet, but also it seems there is a slightly more sensitive nature involved here. Perhaps I'm wrong and there is no connection between someone who is sweet, and someone who is more sensitive to their environment and what not. I'm definitely not making an absolute claim, more so a general one, perhaps a trend you would expect to see from someone who you hear is sweet. You would expect them to be more sensitive than some bitter person for sure.

Personally, I'd be the last person to say that nurses are "sweet" but I am amazed at how sweet they can become when taking care of patients...even after complaining about the patient's unreasonable requests or how frustrated we are at their unwillingness to participate in their healing. Nurses are very strong and we can be "mean" when we have to be...this means hurting a person to get them healthy like making a post surgical patient walk or turning a bedridden person every 2 hours even if it hurts.

 

[ImAllLikeOkWaitWat]

Personally, I'd be the last person to say that nurses are "sweet" but I am amazed at how sweet they can become when taking care of patients...even after complaining about the patient's unreasonable requests or how frustrated we are at their unwillingness to participate in their healing. Nurses are very strong and we can be "mean" when we have to be...this means hurting a person to get them healthy like making a post surgical patient walk or turning a bedridden person every 2 hours even if it hurts.

Not to distract from the thread, but since we are way off topic I might as well ask, would you be willing to write a memoir of your nursing experience, i'd read it You seem to have a lot to say about nurses, might as well get it all written down somewhere

 

[blackribbon]

Not to distract from the thread, but since we are way off topic I might as well ask, would you be willing to write a memoir of your nursing experience, i'd read it You seem to have a lot to say about nurses, might as well get it all written down somewhere

No desire to write at this time. God would have to put that in me.

 

[blackribbon]

I want a man who can express his emotions as well as control them when it is appropriate to control them.

 

[LoveDivine]

I'm not sure where I would rank this characteristic, but it may not be as important as I once thought. I think while it is a nice characteristic for someone to have, two characteristics come to mind that are vastly way more important. They would be your partners ability to self regulate their emotions on their own, and overall maturity. Some may rank sweetness higher than these two, and to be honest it is easier to find someone who is sweet, over someone who can self regulate their own emotions independently and so forth but I think those two things are vital for any kind of mature real relationship to occur. That doesn't end in you having to constantly reassure someone of something, or help calm down, but its better if your future partner already knows how to handle their emotions and regulate them appropriately independent of you.

I also think that most adults in general just are poor at emotional self regulation. So it is hard to find someone who values this, and has it themselves. Especially in my age range.

I've been reading through all the posts in this thread and I think I see what you are getting at. I do agree with you about the importance of being with someone who can control their emotions.

I personally think that a person's lack of ability to control their emotions isn't the product of being too sensitive or sweet. I think it's more related to being self absorbed and not inwardly content. At the very least, the person isn't confident or content with their own company. Someone who demands or needs constant validation isn't sweet. There is such a thing as feigned sweetness and sensitivity. Not to stereotype genders, but some women do this. There is a whole art to appearing delicate and sweet Some of these women could control and rule the world with whispers and smiles, haha. That isn't sweetness.

I think genuine sweetness is a concern for the welfare and benefit of others. Sure, if you are always aware of others feelings and putting them first, you may feel the insensitive behavior of others more acutely. So in that sense, I agree that a sweet person is more sensitive. In fact, I think the more a person is in tune with the feelings of others, the less likely they are to fly off the handle or pout and sulk. If anything, the sweet and sensitive person will just feel greater disappointment and sorrow when treated thoughtlessly by others. If you are concerned about the welfare of others you aren't going to demand or expect others to constantly shower you with attention and praise. A person who needs that worship or continuous validation isn't sweet. They are selfish.

 

[MehGuy]

I'm not sure where I would rank this characteristic, but it may not be as important as I once thought. I think while it is a nice characteristic for someone to have, two characteristics come to mind that are vastly way more important. They would be your partners ability to self regulate their emotions on their own, and overall maturity. Some may rank sweetness higher than these two, and to be honest it is easier to find someone who is sweet, over someone who can self regulate their own emotions independently and so forth but I think those two things are vital for any kind of mature real relationship to occur. That doesn't end in you having to constantly reassure someone of something, or help calm down, but its better if your future partner already knows how to handle their emotions and regulate them appropriately independent of you.

I also think that most adults in general just are poor at emotional self regulation. So it is hard to find someone who values this, and has it themselves. Especially in my age range.

Hard to say. I tend to be attracted to women who are more like me mentally. So she'd be a pretty emotionally empathetic person. Which in reality translates to poorer emotional self regulation and more anger and moods.

Sadly I think I'm the guy version of someone who finds bad people attractive, lol. One of the reasons I go after nice guys who chastise women for going with the "jerks" or the ones who are not totally vanilla.

 

[God's Child]

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