How important is physical attraction?

[radhead]

Is physical attraction really that important in selecting a mate?

The reason I ask is that I find I often get along with women who I don't necessarily find that "hot" physically. Don't get me wrong, they are not bad. Not physically repulsive or anything.

But the ones who are the most attractive physically (or should I say, my "type") I don't usually get along with face to face as well.

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

 

[Quoth]

I was raised with the stereotype in mind that thinner women are attractive. On occasion, though, I have found I get along with a woman I truly have very little physical attraction to, but the more time I spend getting to know them, the more attractive they are because of their personality/soul, not the encasing shell.

 

[StrawberryShortcake2]

I think it's somewhat important but not the top thing I'd choose from when looking for someone. If I ever went out with someone, that person needs to care about their hygiene and how he takes care of himself

 

[Im_A]

Is physical attraction really that important in selecting a mate?


The reason I ask is that I find I often get along with women who I don't necessarily find that "hot" physically. Don't get me wrong, they are not bad. Not physically repulsive or anything.

But the ones who are the most attractive physically (or should I say, my "type") I don't usually get along with face to face as well.

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

it is critical to me in regards to thinking, am i going to be in a relationship with someone, let alone think "is she the one". i can't be with someone i find ugly...no matter how good their heart is.

but with that all said, i think physical beauty is defined by person to person.

mere example is how you described your issue. the quo say "attractive"/"hot" girls are the girls you don't get along too well with but the "not hot" or maybe "plain" girls are the ones you get along well with. i have the same problem, but i love it, because in the end you realize what is really hot and what is not. the girls that maybe guys will say is plain, but they have a good looking body and a good heart are extremely appealing and "hot" to me, the girls that guys say are "hot" with a bad personality are usually the skanks that i don't want anywhere near me, and they deserve what they get.

 

[radhead]

I'm not really saying that the physically (to me) attractive ones have bad personalities. Just that they will probably get along better with someone else, for example someone who may not find them that "hot" physically.

 

[Im_A]

I'm not really saying that the physically (to me) attractive ones have bad personalities. Just that they will probably get along better with someone else, for example someone who may not find them that "hot" physically.

what is wrong with considering someone hot? maybe i mis-read this.

many of the ones that i have meant, that can be seen in ways that many men think "hot" is, have been ones that have bad personalities...ie skanks, that have no use as far as i'm concerned. again maybe i just misunderstood you but this post kind of confused me.

 

[radhead]

My original post explains it better than my last one.

 

[Im_A]

My original post explains it better than my last one.

well not every guy is like you, so hopefully, in my opinion if she's a "hot" girl with a good heart, that she gets someone that sees her as "hot"/"attractive" and treats them well and gets along with them well.

ok maybe i misunderstood your OP completely and i apologize if i have.

so your saying you don't get along well with the typical "hot" girl because they are "hot" and nothing about their personality being the reason why you don't get along with them?

 

[radhead]

To me, there is no typical hot girl. I think it's different for every guy. The ones I think are just okay, other guys might find them really hot.

 

[Im_A]

To me, there is no typical hot girl. I think it's different for every guy. The ones I think are just okay, other guys might find them really hot.

umm ok i agree that it is different for every guy even tho i'd say there is a slight trend of what a lot of men say is hot.

so why don't you get along with "hot" girls? is it because their "hot", or is it because of their personality? i am seriously lost now. do you feel intimidated because they are beautiful, or is their personality something you can't get along with. i'm just asking to understand the OP is all.

 

[radhead]

I don't understand it, really. It's why I'm asking. But it seems like a personality clash.

 

[Im_A]

I don't understand it, really. It's why I'm asking. But it seems like a personality clash.

that's what i thought you meant, but this post threw me for a loop:

I'm not really saying that the physically (to me) attractive ones have bad personalities. Just that they will probably get along better with someone else, for example someone who may not find them that "hot" physically.

because you said in your example, that they will probably get along better with someone else who may not find them that hot physically.

so i'm still confused with this thread, but its all good.

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

For me, physical attraction usually comes after emotional attraction. I mean it's not like I don't recognize that people are attractive -- but recognizing that doesn't mean I want to kiss them or anything or that I feel particularly drawn to them. I usually don't feel drawn to someone unless there is some emotional (as in admiration, respect, fondness, etc) attraction first. That being said, I do recognize that there are certainly people I just could not be physically attracted to (ever) and I see no point in pursuing a relationship with anyone I can't find attractive.

 

[jcj3803]

Call me shallow, but unless there is *some* kind of physical attraction, there will be no relationship aside from friends.

I have a female friend who has repeatedly made overtures to me about being more than friends. She is smart, cheerful, active in her church, has a good job, etc, etc but is frankly unattractive to me. I've thought about her good points but I just can't get past my complete lack of physical attraction.

I might be missing out on something great, but so be it...

 

[septemberskies]

Is physical attraction really that important in selecting a mate?

The reason I ask is that I find I often get along with women who I don't necessarily find that "hot" physically. Don't get me wrong, they are not bad. Not physically repulsive or anything.

But the ones who are the most attractive physically (or should I say, my "type") I don't usually get along with face to face as well.

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

You beat me to the punch on posting this.

Well I did that eharmony free weekend thing and I started talking to this guy. We vibed but as soon as I saw what he looked like I thought to myself "We can be friends". He's great, we have alot in common, share lots of the same values, but in the looks department? He's not someone I would date.

I don't have problems attracting men i find attractive. The problem for me comes in with attracting a christian guy that's hot!!!

I think in some sense we are all somewhat shallow with some being way more superficial then others. Looks does matter on some level, shape, or form. That's just how we are built. I had a hard time realizing that because I would like to believe i'm a "accepting" person and it doesn't matter what he looks like. But i'll be lying to myself.

 

[Luther073082]

For me, physical attraction usually comes after emotional attraction. I mean it's not like I don't recognize that people are attractive -- but recognizing that doesn't mean I want to kiss them or anything or that I feel particularly drawn to them. I usually don't feel drawn to someone unless there is some emotional (as in admiration, respect, fondness, etc) attraction first. That being said, I do recognize that there are certainly people I just could not be physically attracted to (ever) and I see no point in pursuing a relationship with anyone I can't find attractive.

I recognize an intital physical attraction based purely on looks. But that changes based on what I think of a person's personality. Its almost like someone can make themselves look 50% better looking or 50% uglier based on how they treat me and others.

I think its pretty subconcious really. Psycoanaylse that!

 

[HopeFaithLove4u]

Call me shallow, but unless there is *some* kind of physical attraction, there will be no relationship aside from friends.

I have a female friend who has repeatedly made overtures to me about being more than friends. She is smart, cheerful, active in her church, has a good job, etc, etc but is frankly unattractive to me. I've thought about her good points but I just can't get past my complete lack of physical attraction.

I might be missing out on something great, but so be it...

I don't have problems attracting men i find attractive. The problem for me comes in with attracting a christian guy that's hot!!!

I think in some sense we are all somewhat shallow with some being way more superficial then others. Looks does matter on some level, shape, or form. That's just how we are built. I had a hard time realizing that because I would like to believe i'm a "accepting" person and it doesn't matter what he looks like. But i'll be lying to myself.

+1.....you can add me to this list, as well.

I've tried to be better at looking past the looks. But, I can't help it! The problem is for me, that I'm a work-out junkie and I'm attracted to guys the work out, eat good and have muscles (doesn't have to be huge, just needs to look like he works out)

But, there are other qualities that the guy needs to have. Like smart, college educated, can carry a good/interesting conversation. Funny/ sarcastic, out-going. (I can't carry a convo. by myself or do I like to)

But, it's all a mix with the physical attraction....and yes, the physical attraction has to be there for me.

 

[Sindyan]

umm ok i agree that it is different for every guy even tho i'd say there is a slight trend of what a lot of men say is hot.

so why don't you get along with "hot" girls? is it because their "hot", or is it because of their personality? i am seriously lost now. do you feel intimidated because they are beautiful, or is their personality something you can't get along with. i'm just asking to understand the OP is all.

I agree. Yes, physical attraction is a very important part of the relationship. But normally....you can find something attractive about the other person. If it's their eyes, hairs, arms, butt or whatever.
Also, yes guys have different degrees of what they are attracted to. Personally, I have no attraction to skinny girls, or girls that have that model look. I don't know how to explain it...but girls with hips are very attractive . So I tend to perfer larger girls....till a point...

 

[gottabemore2life]

Is physical attraction really that important in selecting a mate?

The reason I ask is that I find I often get along with women who I don't necessarily find that "hot" physically. Don't get me wrong, they are not bad. Not physically repulsive or anything.

But the ones who are the most attractive physically (or should I say, my "type") I don't usually get along with face to face as well.

Can anyone relate to what I am saying?

That sounds rather strange to me actually... if the girls that are your "type" aren't physically attractive to you, then obviously they aren't your "type". Maybe you just haven't found the total package yet, someone who revs your engine and stimulates your brain at the same time. I believe physical attraction does play a role in relationships. Definitely. Not saying it should be a significant one, but it goes along with intimacy and sharing yourself on all levels with someone else, I think.

 

[Carrye]

For me, physical attraction usually comes after emotional attraction. I mean it's not like I don't recognize that people are attractive -- but recognizing that doesn't mean I want to kiss them or anything or that I feel particularly drawn to them. I usually don't feel drawn to someone unless there is some emotional (as in admiration, respect, fondness, etc) attraction first.

This has been my experience as well.