After I graduated high school in May of 2000 I moved to
Florida and began school at the University of Florida and
became a pretty big partier. Well in the spring
of 2004 I got so big into the drinking and drugs that my GPA
went from a
3.7 to a 1.9 in one semester, I just quit caring about anything
expect sex, drugs, and drinking, I just wanted to have fun I
was 21 and was living like it. Well once I was placed on
academic probation after midterms, I knew things had to
change but I was not sure where to begin so I called my mom
and dad and asked for help. Well you see just a few months
after I moved to Florida my family began attending church
and all of them got saved (my mom, dad, and my brother).
They had been telling me for a long time that they loved God
now and they were Christians and they prayed for me all the
time I used to tell my momma that if she was going to talk
about God to me then I was not going to talk to her at all. I
told her and my daddy as well as my brother that I could care
less about God or anything he has to offer me. Well on May 1
my family was coming to Florida to help me get out of Trouble
and help me get into a rehab center so I could stay in school.
Well they were about 20 min from UF when they were killed in
a car accident on May 6 2004 well that night I went out and
got totally wasted and well on May 7 2004 I decided that my
family would not want me to live like this so I decided to quit
doing drugs and drinking and all that other stuff on my own.
Well on May 11 2004 we had my families funeral and that was
the first time I had ever stepped foot inside a church. I did
not care at all that I was in a church I do remember the
pastor talking about how much my family loved God and how
much they wanted to serve Him and how he knew 100% sure
that they were in Heaven with God, but at the time all I cared
about was the fact that my family my world was dead and I
was about to bury them. I was surrounded by friends that I
had known while in high school and my mom, dad, and
brothers new church friends. Even though I was surroneded by so many people I felt 100% alone.
Their new church friends were
the ones who really planned the funeral. I told them I did not
care if we even had a funeral, I figured a burial service with
me alone would be fine for me, but they planned a pretty big
and elaborate funeral service so I attended there I heard
about Jesus and him dying on the cross but like I already said
I did not care, I was pretty mad at God if I even believed in
Him at all at that point. Well that summer I had a lot of time
to think about life and what it meant to me, and there were a
lot of times that I decided that life was not worth living at all
and sat in the living room with a gun in my hand and just
cried and cried but I was not able to kill myself, I could not, I
was too scared to actually shoot myself plus I did not want
to disappoint my family even more than I already had by
giving up like that. My daddy used to always say that suicide
only showed what a real loser you really are and a real
coward.
Florida and began school at the University of Florida and
became a pretty big partier. Well in the spring
of 2004 I got so big into the drinking and drugs that my GPA
went from a
3.7 to a 1.9 in one semester, I just quit caring about anything
expect sex, drugs, and drinking, I just wanted to have fun I
was 21 and was living like it. Well once I was placed on
academic probation after midterms, I knew things had to
change but I was not sure where to begin so I called my mom
and dad and asked for help. Well you see just a few months
after I moved to Florida my family began attending church
and all of them got saved (my mom, dad, and my brother).
They had been telling me for a long time that they loved God
now and they were Christians and they prayed for me all the
time I used to tell my momma that if she was going to talk
about God to me then I was not going to talk to her at all. I
told her and my daddy as well as my brother that I could care
less about God or anything he has to offer me. Well on May 1
my family was coming to Florida to help me get out of Trouble
and help me get into a rehab center so I could stay in school.
Well they were about 20 min from UF when they were killed in
a car accident on May 6 2004 well that night I went out and
got totally wasted and well on May 7 2004 I decided that my
family would not want me to live like this so I decided to quit
doing drugs and drinking and all that other stuff on my own.
Well on May 11 2004 we had my families funeral and that was
the first time I had ever stepped foot inside a church. I did
not care at all that I was in a church I do remember the
pastor talking about how much my family loved God and how
much they wanted to serve Him and how he knew 100% sure
that they were in Heaven with God, but at the time all I cared
about was the fact that my family my world was dead and I
was about to bury them. I was surrounded by friends that I
had known while in high school and my mom, dad, and
brothers new church friends. Even though I was surroneded by so many people I felt 100% alone.
Their new church friends were
the ones who really planned the funeral. I told them I did not
care if we even had a funeral, I figured a burial service with
me alone would be fine for me, but they planned a pretty big
and elaborate funeral service so I attended there I heard
about Jesus and him dying on the cross but like I already said
I did not care, I was pretty mad at God if I even believed in
Him at all at that point. Well that summer I had a lot of time
to think about life and what it meant to me, and there were a
lot of times that I decided that life was not worth living at all
and sat in the living room with a gun in my hand and just
cried and cried but I was not able to kill myself, I could not, I
was too scared to actually shoot myself plus I did not want
to disappoint my family even more than I already had by
giving up like that. My daddy used to always say that suicide
only showed what a real loser you really are and a real
coward.
