How hard should I be searching?

[blackjellybean]

How do you strike a good balance between being pro-active in finding a mate, and waiting on God?

I don't date that frequently, I've only asked out a handful of women, haven't found anyone that I really hit it off with yet. I'm hearing advice from some Christians on waiting on God to provide, yet at the same time I know providence isn't an excuse to be lazy, so perhaps I need to try harder?

How many people did you date before finding your other half? Because if it generally is only one, I suppose there might be something wrong with me, perhaps a personality flaw that I need to work on.

 

[suzybeezy]

I think its best to put yourself in places where you're most likely to find someone who shares your same interests, for example a church group of some sort, or a softball league or whatever your interests are. You will probably make some good friends and you'll get the bonus of possibly finding someone you'd like to date, that will share your interest that could develop into something more. The way I always looked at it, is it more likely that God going to bring me a good Christian husband to a bar, to my front door, or at a church group - probably the latter.

 

[blackjellybean]

I think its best to put yourself in places where you're most likely to find someone who shares your same interests, for example a church group of some sort, or a softball league or whatever your interests are. You will probably make some good friends and you'll get the bonus of possibly finding someone you'd like to date, that will share your interest that could develop into something more. The way I always looked at it, is it more likely that God going to bring me a good Christian husband to a bar, to my front door, or at a church group - probably the latter.

Yeah, I might need to move to the city I think. More opportunities to meet single people.

 

[athenken]

God will provide your ideal mate in his time. I actually found my wife without looking. I moved from Wisconsin to Southern California with the idea that I would just not date anyone. When I tried dating it blew up rather dramatically.

I suggest just letting God provide in His time.

 

[Johnnz]

Be active. Get out and around. Meet people. Be an interesting person. This is one area where over spiritualizing finding a life partner can lead to long time singleness.

John
NZ

 

[Mea Culpa]

How do you strike a good balance between being pro-active in finding a mate, and waiting on God?

I don't date that frequently, I've only asked out a handful of women, haven't found anyone that I really hit it off yet. I'm hearing advice from some Christians on waiting on God to provide, yet at the same time I know providence isn't an excuse to be lazy, so perhaps I need to try harder?

How many people did you date before finding your other half? Because if it generally is only one, I suppose there might be something wrong with me, perhaps a personality flaw that I need to work on.

Speaking from my own experience, the best thing to do is the hardest. Surrender. Trust. Wait. Once I finally was honest with God and told Him from the bottom of my heart that I was lonely and that I didn't like being by myself anymore that is when things changed.
I had fought for years to 'make' something happen, but I was always hurt badly. I didn't want to hurt any more. I asked Him that if it was not His will for me to be married to make it clear so I wouldn't keep dwelling on this. I was flat out honest.

It wasn't easy. Eventually God showed me His choice. It didn't go as smooth or as easily as I had thought it would as God had to take me and my future wife on a long journey to heal old wounds and form a new bond between us.

There is no other way to do it other than to surrender it all to Him, trust Him, and wait on Him. He knows what His plans are for you and what you need more than you do. He alone can lead you. We tend to lead ourselves into destruction, into things that take us away from His presence. I just want to be right with Him and that is where I started from - surrendered it all to Him.


God bless, and may you enjoy the sometimes hard, but ultimately rewarding journey He has for you.

 

[blackjellybean]

Be active. Get out and around. Meet people. Be an interesting person. This is one area where over spiritualizing finding a life partner can lead to long time singleness.

Yeah, fair cop.

 

[OGM]

Be active. Get out and around. Meet people. Be an interesting person. This is one area where over spiritualizing finding a life partner can lead to long time singleness.

John
NZ

Very very true!

 

[JRSut1000]

I regret dating a few guys, the man I ended up marrying I never dated. Yep it's true! We met at a conference and became friends. He wasn't looking for someone at the time and neither was I (though I sure was interested when I met him!). This whole dating thing is waaay overrated and very '21st century'. Just cuz everybody does it doesnt mean it has to be the norm, especially for Christians. Just go about your business, stay close to God, find your fulfillment in Him and He'll lead you in the direction and to the people (and special person) that should be in your life.

 

[sourdough]

Focus on YOU and do the things YOU like to do....and when you least expect it, BAM! It tends to work like that. Searching makes love harder to find.