How hard is it to return a call or text?

[ThisIsMe123]

...and let't not get into the differences between the 2, as that could derail the thread.

"I'm not a texter" isn't really relevant to the argument, just sayin'.

Anyways, I Googled this topic and this can apply to either your own personal friends, to someone you've recently exchanged contact info with.

Seriously, if you cannot return a text after a full day has passed, it gets under my skin...esp. if it happens repetitively. I've even had to sever ties with "friends" and dating prospects because of it.

It seems I'M the one that's always reaching out. I recall an old-timer telling me, "The phone line goes BOTH ways", and that was in a time when smart phones weren't around.

It's amazing we have all this technology. MANY means in which to stay in touch with our friends, but we have a generation of people just getting a text, looking at it, and then put it down.

Esp. when you're trying to make plans.

Just Google, "People who don't return texts" and you'll see message boards like these argue back and forth between the ones that say "Yeah, I'm bad about that" vs those who chastize THOSE people for being irresponsible.

Personally, I haven't ever recalled ever NOT texting someone in a TIMELY fashion. If I ever have, I deeply apologize for it...as I typically feel bad about it. I feel remorse, but other people...not so much.

Recently, I've seen MEMES go up on social media, rationalizing this behavior with things like, "Just because I don't stay in touch with you, doesn't mean I don't love/like you" or something like that...and I'm like "Um...yeah...it kinda does"

It's funny, because these are the very same people who have their face buried in the phones.

I had a woman I was trying to set up a 2nd date with. I must have sent 2 texts to her and one voice mail. As we were suppose to make plans for the upcoming weekend. I gave up and a full week passes beyond all that...I receive a call and she left a voicemail.

It was a basic, "Hey, how's it going? Just checking in to see how you were doing." blah blah blah.

No apology or acknowledgement about NOT returning my call or texts. When I texted her again about it, she said something like my texts probably got lost in the shuffle among her clients.

I wasn't buying it...if you have a dating prospect, would you take the few extra seconds to keep an eye out for a dating prospects texts?!

Funny, I seem to recall seeing a couple of friends phones with full LINES of notifications at the top of their smart phone screen. Unchecked, and unlooked at.

I have never NOT checked a text or message notification.

Now, don't get me wrong on here, as I'm guessing some here may say, "I'm bad at returning calls" or "I'm bad at texting" or whatever. But to me, with all this technology, there is no excuse not to return a text.

Am I right on this?

But we get SO many people that MAKE EXCUSES as to why they don't and ever excuse I ever heard....I can't buy into it.

Unless there was some crisis or family emergency...I don't see why you wouldn't return a text other than you NOT being into that person. But, of course, someone will make an excuse saying, "It's NOT that I'm NOT into that person....but...<insert lame excuse here>.

Can I get an AMEN! lol

 

[timewerx]

I bang my head on the wall 10x before returning a call or text so yeah, it's hard!!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I bang my head on the wall 10x before returning a call or text so yeah, it's hard!!

Huh? Not sure I follow. Bang your head against the wall BEFORE returning a text?/call?

 

[splish- splash]

...and let't not get into the differences between the 2, as that could derail the thread.

"I'm not a texter" isn't really relevant to the argument, just sayin'.



Anyways, I Googled this topic and this can apply to either your own personal friends, to someone you've recently exchanged contact info with.

Seriously, if you cannot return a text after a full day has passed, it gets under my skin...esp. if it happens repetitively. I've even had to sever ties with "friends" and dating prospects because of it.

It seems I'M the one that's always reaching out. I recall an old-timer telling me, "The phone line goes BOTH ways", and that was in a time when smart phones weren't around.

It's amazing we have all this technology. MANY means in which to stay in touch with our friends, but we have a generation of people just getting a text, looking at it, and then put it down.

Esp. when you're trying to make plans.

Just Google, "People who don't return texts" and you'll see message boards like these argue back and forth between the ones that say "Yeah, I'm bad about that" vs those who chastize THOSE people for being irresponsible.

Personally, I haven't ever recalled ever NOT texting someone in a TIMELY fashion. If I ever have, I deeply apologize for it...as I typically feel bad about it. I feel remorse, but other people...not so much.

Recently, I've seen MEMES go up on social media, rationalizing this behavior with things like, "Just because I don't stay in touch with you, doesn't mean I don't love/like you" or something like that...and I'm like "Um...yeah...it kinda does"

It's funny, because these are the very same people who have their face buried in the phones.

I had a woman I was trying to set up a 2nd date with. I must have sent 2 texts to her and one voice mail. As we were suppose to make plans for the upcoming weekend. I gave up and a full week passes beyond all that...I receive a call and she left a voicemail.

It was a basic, "Hey, how's it going? Just checking in to see how you were doing." blah blah blah.

No apology or acknowledgement about NOT returning my call or texts. When I texted her again about it, she said something like my texts probably got lost in the shuffle among her clients.

I wasn't buying it...if you have a dating prospect, would you take the few extra seconds to keep an eye out for a dating prospects texts?!

Funny, I seem to recall seeing a couple of friends phones with full LINES of notifications at the top of their smart phone screen. Unchecked, and unlooked at.

I have never NOT checked a text or message notification.

Now, don't get me wrong on here, as I'm guessing some here may say, "I'm bad at returning calls" or "I'm bad at texting" or whatever. But to me, with all this technology, there is no excuse not to return a text.

Am I right on this?

But we get SO many people that MAKE EXCUSES as to why they don't and ever excuse I ever heard....I can't buy into it.

Unless there was some crisis or family emergency...I don't see why you wouldn't return a text other than you NOT being into that person. But, of course, someone will make an excuse saying, "It's NOT that I'm NOT into that person....but...<insert lame excuse here>.

Can I get an AMEN! lol

It happens. When your life's a bit busy sometimes you tend to prioritise. Well for me that is. The problem with some of my mates is, I look at the sort of conversations they like to hold. This is why I end up shelving them for a bit.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

It happens. When your life's a bit busy sometimes you tend to prioritise. Well for me that is. The problem with some of my mates is, I look at the sort of conversations they like to hold. This is why I end up shelving them for a bit.

Even with a dating prospect?

 

[Kenny'sID]

Even with a dating prospect?

How can I put this delicately?

 

[bèlla]

I don’t think anyone is obligated to respond to someone’s timely fashion without agreement. Expecting people to follow suit only leads to arguments and disappointment.

My good friend would wait a week before replying to her companion’s messages. They met on a forum we used to frequent. I’m sure he wanted to talk more. But she took her time. They’ve been together for more than a decade.

No one can determine their place in someone’s life. You have no control over their regard or desire for your company. That’s inmate and its established over time. Most connections develop organically and that’s my preference. Micro management rarely works.

When it comes to prospects, the frequency of contact depends on the discourse and level of attraction. Quality is more important and quantity develops. Expecting that out the gate is unrealistic.

My lone expectation is courtesy and an appropriate display of respect that correlates with our acquaintanceship. Until we’ve agreed to a relationship, my position doesn’t warrant increases in areas that may be lacking early on. I think that’s getting ahead of yourself.

@At Your Footstool raised an important point about the value of good conversation. You’re asking the other to take a moment from their day to interact. Make it worth their while!

Share an encouraging word, an inspiring thought, or something to brighten their day. Keep a lid on complaints, criticism, judgment, drama, and emotional sagas. No one wants to hear that.

~Bella

 

[timewerx]

Huh? Not sure I follow. Bang your head against the wall BEFORE returning a text?/call?

Yep, when I'm busy with other important stuff. I work on the weekends and holidays too. Not everyone has easy, laid back living with the weekends to themselves and time is predictable. I live with risks, not a career.

I know when I reply soon, I may get another response. At times when too busy, I have no time to think about it so I wait for things to calm down before replying and that may take days! So if things seem awkward, I bang my head on the wall, literally!

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I don’t think anyone is obligated to respond to someone’s timely fashion without agreement. Expecting people to follow suit only leads to arguments and disappointment.

My good friend would wait a week before replying to her companion’s messages. They met on a forum we used to frequent. I’m sure he wanted to talk more. But she took her time. They’ve been together for more than a decade.

I don’t believe anyone can determine their place in someone’s life. You have no control over their regard or desire for your company. That’s inmate and its established over time.

When it comes to prospects, the frequency of contact depends on the discourse and level of attraction. Quality is more important and quantity develops. Expecting that out the gate is unrealistic.

My lone expectation is courtesy and an appropriate display of respect that correlates with our acquaintanceship. Until we’ve agreed to a relationship, my position doesn’t warrant increases in areas that may be lacking early on. I think that’s getting ahead of yourself.

@At Your Footstool raised an important point about the value of good conversation. You’re asking the other to take a moment from their day to interact. Make it worth their while!

Share an encouraging word, an inspiring thought, or something to brighten their day. Keep a lid on criticism, judgment, drama, and emotional sagas. No one wants to hear that.

~Bella

Many would say, chalk it up simply as, "He/she is just not that into you"...and, thusly, you move on. Can it be just as simple as that?

@At Your Footstool raised an important point about the value of good conversation. You’re asking the other to take a moment from their day to interact. Make it worth their while!

Actually, I am a deep thinker and love to engage in lengthy dialogue. The ones who do actually respond, respond in the same equivalent. So obviously it was worth their while since I tend to chose rather topical content.

Here's an article (out of a ton of them, via The Atlantic) that talks about this. Reddit posts are littered with frustrated former-friends of people that would not reply or take weeks to reply to a text...esp. when trying to make plans for an event or some future get together (that winds up never happening).

Some of it blame the abundance of technology that we have out or finger tips being the cause. We have TOO much. With a swipe-left/right mentality of dating, we live in an era of instant gratification or thinking there's always someone or something out there that's better.

I recall someone posting a meme saying, "Have you ever saw a text, and answered it...mentally? (But not ever actually answering the text?" lol That was kind of a funny one, because people have admitted to that.

I can allow for a day, perhaps. But if DAYS (plural) pass...and it becomes repetitive...I tend to reevaluate the friendship or (dating prospect).

Tyler Perry explains how there are 3 types of people...and uses a tree analogy to explain it...people are like leaves, branches, or roots on a tree. Leaves being the more unreliable, branches in the middle tier as they hold on for so long, but can break later on...and roots that hold on practically forever.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yep, when I'm busy with other important stuff. I work on the weekends and holidays too. Not everyone has easy, laid back living with the weekends to themselves and time is predictable. I live with risks, not a career.

I know when I reply soon, I may get another response. At times when too busy, I have no time to think about it so I wait for things to calm down before replying and that may take days! So if things seem awkward, I bang my head on the wall, literally!

Okay, you work weekends and also busy with other important stuff...just like you...but, guess what...I actually RESPOND to my texts. Usually when I get home, I fire one off.

And guess what...it just takes seconds!...SECONDS.

So don't spend those seconds banging your head against a wall. ;-)

Funny, I can just be as busy as some people claim to be, but...guess what I reach out to them to answer them.

 

[splish- splash]

Even with a dating prospect?

Ah ah no! Now that's different. If I like them, I communicate... Properly

 

[Kenny'sID]

Many would say, chalk it up simply as, "He/she is just not that into you"...and, thusly, you move on. Can it be just as simple as that?

It can be either, so best not jump to untimely conclusions either way.

 

[Niels]

Maybe she's busy, or got a lot of texts in a short time and can't reply to them all right away?

I don't text a lot, but when it rains it pours. Sometimes, my pocket is buzzing with group conversations, and I have to leave them till later. Fact of the matter is, I'm usually focused on something else at the time. If somebody needs to get ahold of me ASAP, they should call, and even then I screen my calls.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Maybe she's busy, or got a lot of texts in a short time and can't reply to them all right away?

I don't text a lot, but when it rains it pours. Sometimes, my pocket is buzzing with group conversations, and I have to leave them till later. Fact of the matter is, I'm usually focused on something else at the time. If somebody needs to get ahold of me ASAP, they should call, and even then I screen my calls.

Okay, so how long does it take for you to get back to them? Esp. if it's involving getting together? Making plans?

Never expected to reply , "right away". We're talkin' days here. Maybe even weeks.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

In case noone has said it yet..She's not interested in you. It's time for you to move on.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

If you're the vengeful type you could always SMS-bomb her cell phone.

 

[bèlla]

Many would say, chalk it up simply as, "He/she is just not that into you"...and, thusly, you move on. Can it be just as simple as that?

That’s why I mentioned my friend. She wasn’t disinterested. But she wouldn’t lose her head either. The time between their conversations heightened anticipation.

Actually, I am a deep thinker and love to engage in lengthy dialogue. The ones who do actually respond, respond in the same equivalent. So obviously it was worth their while since I tend to chose rather topical content.

That’s okay. It makes engagement more enriching. I love discourse with someone knowledgeable and fun.

I had a large group of friends in the past. More than 20 that I talked to frequently. Without fail, I spoke with 10 every day. Three by phone in the morning (on their way to work) and the evenings. That doesn’t count text messages, midday calls, or instant messengers (like Yahoo). Not to mention we were on the same site!

And then everyone came together. Managing that wasn’t easy. Everyone wants attention, needs my ear, etc. I haven’t mentioned men! I was dating or in relationships during that time.

I’m an extrovert. I enjoy the company of those I care for. But my emotional needs differ from most extroverts. I need quiet and time alone to think and recharge my batteries.

To accommodate my needs, I made important changes. I talk to my best friend on the phone once per week. Sometimes twice. We exchange messages a few times. But it isn’t a daily occurrence.

I touch base with others less frequently. Once per week is usually enough. The lone person I speak with daily is my partner or a serious prospect. He gets me at my best. I’m not stressed or overwhelmed. And I can give him the attention he deserves.

The lengthy dialogues I once had are no more. I don’t have time for everyone. Making time means taking it from something else. My priority is nurturing well established connections. I make additions when fit and lifestyles align.

With a swipe-left/right mentality of dating, we live in an era of instant gratification or thinking there's always someone or something out there that's better.

Technology created expectations of immediacy. When your lone option was calling without an answering machine or voice mail to record your message. You were forced to wait. But cell phones, email, and text messages have upset the apple cart.

I recall someone posting a meme saying, "Have you ever saw a text, and answered it...mentally? (But not ever actually answering the text?" lol That was kind of a funny one, because people have admitted to that.

I’ve done it here many times. And it’s one of the reasons I turned messages off. I was getting too much.

For me, lengthy discussions that require time and consideration are my partner’s domain. That’s his privilege. I don’t give it to others. And I don’t encourage it with prospects. It happens organically if the discourse is good.

I can allow for a day, perhaps. But if DAYS (plural) pass...and it becomes repetitive...I tend to reevaluate the friendship or (dating prospect).

If that gets under your skin you have to form connections with like-minded people. I’d never accept that. In my world, place is earned and prospects are maybes. They haven’t gained my hand or the right to make demands. And the same holds true for friends.

Expectations are the bane of healthy relationships. True accommodation and compromise are borne of love. Not guilt or demands. They ruin the bond.

You have to allow for differences and recognize your comfort zone won’t mirror the other person’s. Wanting them to mimic your behavior is selfish. You aren’t appreciating their uniqueness. You’re conforming them to yourself.

Adaptability is an unsung quality that’s sorely lacking. Everything won’t go your way. I look for people who get that.

~Bella

 

[bèlla]

Gibran advised: “But let there be spaces in your togetherness...”

Proverbs 25:17 makes a similar statement: “Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor’s house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.”

Neither support frequent contact.

There’s a line from a Psychology Today article that goes to the heart of the matter.

“Being connected doesn't mean thinking exactly the same thoughts and wanting exactly the same things...”

~Bella