How far?

[gillerto]

hi everyone, I've got an issue that I'm not sure about and was wondering everyone else opinions.

I'm 17 years old and have been going out with a girl for over a year (she is also 17) and we are both committed Christians. We feel that we are never going to split up and we would love to get married as soon as possible but it isn't really possible for another 6 years. Up until very recently we have kept our boundaries very very strict when it comes to sexual activity but they have recently become a bit slack and we are worried that we have/might go too far. We really love each other very much and are committed to wait the 6 years for sex but don't know where to draw the line up until then. We really have our Christian beliefs as priority but also want to show each other how much we care. My question is where should we draw the line?

 

[katelyn]

Everyone has different answers for this... But of course, it's a decision that you have to make.

I think that as far as setting your boundaries in this relationship, you need to think about whether or not you would regret what you are doing if for some reason you were to not get married. I know you are in the line of thinking that you are practically positive that you are going to get married, but still. The fact remains that you are not married and until you are, something could happen to make you realize that you should not get married. It does happen sometimes. In fact, it happened to me.

I'm not saying that's going to happen to you, but I think it's a good idea to live in such a way that if the worst does happen, you'll have no regrets. Now, that means different things to different people, but I'm guessing as a Christian that means you will want to keep your boundaries firm until your wedding day.

Another way to think about it is how embarrassed you would be if someone, say, your mom, or even Jesus, walked in while you were doing whatever it is. If you wouldn't be that embarrassed and the person walking in would clearly be able to see that whatever you were doing is just an expression of two dating people who care about each other, no big deal. But if you would be really embarrassed, maybe even ashamed if someone walked in while you were doing it, then maybe you are kidding yourself about it being okay to do.

 

[nickie8705]

well I can say that I would set some pretty High standards because I have been there and the problem is that the B/F I had at the time and I went what I call to far and I soon almost led to sex had I not said no and had I not walked out of the room we would have.

I guess what I am saying is waitch out for yourself and do what you feel is right. There is nothing wrong with that. I myself will no longer go past kissing.

Nikki

 

[jepvc4]

Too far is the point at which lust begins to enter your head and betray you and your girlfriend. If you can love her and kiss her as a sign of affection, and not struggle with sexually desiring more, then good. The point at which physical lust begins is a good indicator of where a boundary should be. For some, especially guys, this might mean abstaining even from extended cuddling if it will lead to lust.

The second factor may be an emotional one. Guard your heart and guard this girl's heart until you know for certain you will be spending your life together. Women are especially vulnerable emotionally, and a physical act can become emotionally binding for a female. Therefore, guard her heart by what physical boundaries you set.


James

 

[DaveKerwin]

don't touch her with your hands anywhere you would not touch your younger sister.

 

[KLLM82]

don't touch her with your hands anywhere you would not touch your younger sister.

I think there are better (nicer) ways of saying things like this, lol...



~Katia~

 

[DaveKerwin]

I think there are better (nicer) ways of saying things like this, lol...



~Katia~

Let's hear one.

 

[KLLM82]

Let's hear one.

I knew this would be your response . You can simply say that "just as your body is the temple of God, her body is as well, therefore, respect it."

~Katia~

 

[DaveKerwin]

I knew this would be your response . You can simply say that "just as your body is the temple of God, her body is as well, therefore, respect it."

~Katia~

He wants to know where his hands can go, he already knows why he should respect her.

My previous comment was intended to , because that is the reality. It is a really big deal, and should be treated with much concern. The fact that he asked shows concern, now where he puts his hands is key.

 

[gillerto]

thank you all for your comments they have helped me a lot.

 

[KLLM82]

He wants to know where his hands can go, he already knows why he should respect her.

My previous comment was intended to , because that is the reality. It is a really big deal, and should be treated with much concern. The fact that he asked shows concern, now where he puts his hands is key.

Okie dokie

~Katia~

 

[Reborn_in_Christ]

I have been in that situation before. In fact we were engaged. Just goes to show that until you married and the wedding band is on the finger that nothing is for sure. My relationship lasted just over two years and I couldn't have asked more of it. I do however realize looking back that sexual tentions can rip a prefectly stable relationship apart. Kissing is fine, even moderated cuddling is good, but once it gets to the point of lustful thoughts and prolonged sessions of cuddling things go down hill. I myself now can see where I went wrong. It's a very fine line between too much and just enough. Just remember that the unthinkable can happen. Peoples minds do change (my finance's did), and it would be horrible to be regreting doing things. For one it's not fair to whom ever you date later. Your mind will dwell on past events and it will take away from the current relationship. At any rate, pray about it, pray with her, make absolutely sure you two are on the same page. You may have to give up things, but in the end it will all be for your benefit. Best of luck in your relationship and I hope that you and her will live a long happy life together.

Erik

 

[gillerto]

Just out of interest everyone, how can you be so sure when you are married. People divorce all the time now.

 

[DaveKerwin]

you are married after committing to God, each other, and the local government. all 3 are taken care of during the wedding ceremony.

don't rush into marriage, or serious dating, unless you are ready.