How Far is Too Far?

[Dominicano731]

Me and my girlfriend are getting pretty close now, and I just wanted to know... how far is too far?

 

[gengwall]

If it leads you to sexual thought, then it has gone too far. If it gets you sexually aroused, then it has gone too far. If it leads to a desire to go further, it has gone too far.

The safest practice is to have a very toned down physical relationship while continuing to build on the emotional and spiritual relationship. The physical gets in the way of the real relationship building because it puts the cart before the horse. Physical intimacy in marriage strengthens and cements the emotional bonds that have been built. But being physical outside of marriage prevents those bonds from forming. And getting married for purely physical reasons is a disaster wating to happen.

Of course, I understand how very hard this is. I understand the increased desire by both the man and woman to continue to get more physical. That is why I don't believe in long courtships and even less in long engagements. People can only hold off for so long.

 

[Nachtjager]

With all due respect to the previous post, it's normal to be sexually attracted to your future spouse or aroused by her. God intends us to be intimate with each other, that's why Eve was made for Adam. I believe kissing and touch are essential elements of building a strong positive relationship, but there is a point where you're quite right, it's easy to go "too far." Where that point is, I believe, is different for different people - Christian or not. The Lord puts that little voice within us, call it the working of the Holy Spirit or whatever you like. When you go against what that voice is telling you, it's sin - only you and your girl know where that barrier is. If you get the same feeling you had when you stole the cookie out of the cookie jar against mom's wishes, that's where you're sinning - stop there and go back. Cool off for a while and do something else. For me, oral sex is still sex, so that's a no-no. As to where the touching ends, again, that's up to your significant other and yourself. Personally, I'd leave the happy places alone :o until after you're married - it's more incentive to swap those rings and take the vow! And believe me, if you two make it through to that day, those first few years are going to be more than worth the wait! Stay the course and God bless!

 

[DarkCloud]

If it leads you to sexual thought, then it has gone too far. If it gets you sexually aroused, then it has gone too far. If it leads to a desire to go further, it has gone too far.

Young people are going to have sexual thoughts and desires whether they are kissing or not.

 

[sweetstrawberry_801]

People who plan to remain chaste until after marriage must make kissing a means of communication, not a means of sexual arousal. When kissing ceases to be communication and becomes foreplay, it has gone too far.

There is no doubt that kissing such as a 'holy kiss' is an ancient Biblical means of communicating affection and esteem for another person. It becomes dangerous when it ceases to be communication and becomes foreplay. Kiss as a greeting or a farewell. Kiss to express joy or congratulations. But it isnt right to engage in the type of kissing which is designed to arouse desire. This includes deep, open-mouth, tongue-thrust kissing, especially when associated with petting or pressing the pelvic areas together. In persons with normal sexual responses, this type of kissing is the kind of foreplay which can lead to sexual intercourse

Now, here is the reason single persons should never engage in petting, heavy necking, or deep [french] kissing. Since these activities are means of foreplay, normal persons of a wide range of ages will become ready for sexual intercourse by doing these things for several minutes. Since the Bible forbids unmarried persons to have intercourse, getting the body ready for it without having it is not only tempting urself but putting ur self in the position for u and her to feel sexual feelings in doing that and lust which is a sin and if u dont feel it if ur kissing her legs and other parts of her body she is likely to feel sexual feelings and even if she doesnt admit it.

The key is that these actions are subsumed under the broader heading of "sexual immorality." I would submit that premarital kissing, because of its very nature, also falls into this category

some of the verses in the bible that show it isnt right to kiss before marriage are as follows:
It is GOOD for a man not to touch a woman.(1 Corinthians 7:1) Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.(Galatians 5:16) Treat younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.(1 Timothy 5:2)
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, [FONT=Arial,Helvetica]that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Col 3:5-10. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual
[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry[/FONT][/FONT][/FONT]

It is good for a man not to touch a women underlines it all since it therefore is not good to touch a women before marriage and that includes kissing.

The Scriptures command us to keep a heart that is clean and free from sin.
(Psalm 51:17) Whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:28) How much more, then, has someone committed adultery who does not just confine himself to looking, but also touches in an inescapably sexual way?
Kissing such as french kissing stimulates the body sexually kissing such as kissing on the cheek obviously doesnt theres a significent difference.

 

[Rayzdprayz]

MAN! there are some good responses out there! Gengwall, good response, Nacchtjager, good response, Dark cloud good response, sweetstrawberry_801 good response and backed up with Scripture!! I say if you feel like you can be led to do other things after a certain amount of rubbing and kisssing STOP don't do it anymore. You can kiss and hug without going to far....

 

[Lonnie]

If it leads you to sexual thought, then it has gone too far. If it gets you sexually aroused, then it has gone too far. If it leads to a desire to go further, it has gone too far.

The safest practice is to have a very toned down physical relationship while continuing to build on the emotional and spiritual relationship. The physical gets in the way of the real relationship building because it puts the cart before the horse. Physical intimacy in marriage strengthens and cements the emotional bonds that have been built. But being physical outside of marriage prevents those bonds from forming. And getting married for purely physical reasons is a disaster wating to happen.

Dude I really agree with that.
Becareful not to let physical touch(kissing, touching, etc) become the focal point in your relationship.

And when you do make out(which I dont recommend), becareful to make sure others are around that will attempt to stop you if you try to go to far.(so many people seem to make out somewhere private, and end up going all the way, even though they never inteded too)

 

[drummerboyas157]

Me and my girlfriend are getting pretty close now, and we've agreed that we wont ever have pre-marital sex no matter what, simply because it is a sin, and we are both christian.

But as there are other semi-sexual things that we sometimes do, and we dont know if that is a sin or not. Im talking about .. maybe sensual kisses on the stomach/neck/legs, etc. We really dont want to bring the problem out to our relatives or pastors, so I thought it would be a great idea to ask here.

How far is too far when expressing intimacy? Is kissing a sin? Is feeling, or rubbing on each other a sin? I doubt it, but I'd still like to know to be sure. The last thing I'd like is to be sinning in a relationship.

And just to make things clear, In no way am I reffering to oral sex, since its a controversial subject as to where its sinful or no, and we'd rather stick to the safe side.

Many Thanks to anyone helping me out with question.

Hey! There is a lot of things that are not good for the relationship. For example rubbing and continual touching is not good. Kissing is a hard one i dont not belive theres anything wrong with it as long as you dont get a sexual stimulation. For many years i thought it was all ok mostly everything and i was very wrong. Even if it doesnt seem bad it make you think things all the time that are not good to run through your mind constantly but a way to be safe is anything that is sexually stimulated try to stay away from i know my best friend is past two years in his relationship and they decided to stop kissing(hard to do) but they know its for the better kiss on the cheek is fine and even just a kiss but making out does past the line think about it and decide

 

[sweetstrawberry_801]

for a christian couple it isnt right to engage in the type of sexual activity which is designed to arouse desire. This includes oral sex, rubbing on each other,
especially when associated with petting or pressing the pelvic areas together and any other sexual activity. In persons with normal sexual responses, this type of kissing is the kind of foreplay which can lead to sexual intercourse.
Now, here is the reason single persons should never engage in rubbing on each other and any other sexual activity. Since these activities are means of foreplay,
normal persons of a wide range of ages will become ready for sexual intercourse by doing these things for several minutes.
Since the Bible forbids unmarried persons to have intercourse, getting the body ready for it without having it is not only tempting urself to go even further but putting ur self in the position for u and him to feel sexual feelings in doing that and lust.
The key is that these actions are subsumed under the broader heading of "sexual immorality."
some of the verses in the bible that show it isnt right to engage in these activities before marriage are as follows:
Walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.(Galatians 5:16)
Treat younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.(1 Timothy 5:2)
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires.
Col 3:5-10. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual
immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry
So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.
Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy (Romans 13:12-13).
I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat (1 Corinthians 5:11).
Flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).
So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature .... The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery (Galatians 5:16,19).
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place (Ephesians 5:3-4).
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
Because of these, the wrath of God is coming (Colossians 3:5-6).
For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry (1 Peter 4:3)
In 1 Corinthians 6:18 Paul writes, "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man (person) commits are outside his body, but he (or she) who sins sexually sins against his own body."
Sexual immorality here is the Greek word inappropriate contenteia. inappropriate contenteia is every kind of sexual activity outside of marriage. So the Bible tells us to flee from every kind of sexual activity.

The Bible also tells us to treat one another as brothers and sisters with absolute purity in 1 Timothy 5:2. Ephesians 5:3 tells us to live together as family members
and that there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity among us, even our speech should be righteously without obscenity or coarse joking.
We should treat each other like brothers and sisters.
You can not play word games with God like saying I did not have sex technically with this person so I have not disobeyed the Bible's command to abstain from sex before marriage. The command is not to engage in sexual activity before marriage which
includes what we narrowly define as sexual intercourse and also any sexual touching.
The Scriptures command us to keep a heart that is clean and free from sin.
(Psalm 51:17) Whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matthew 5:28)
How much more, then, has someone committed adultery who does not just confine himself to looking, but also touches in an inescapably sexual way?

 

[jency3]

I think it should be a personal decision between you and your fiance. There are people who say sexual thoughts are a sin but they are normal and you cannot help them. Good thing Jesus died for our sins. Pray and set the limit before you start making out, then stick to it. I personally question if oral sex is ok, of course I have only been convicted about sex before marriage being a sin for around three years now. I have been a Christian for about six years. A good rule for me is nothing below the waist.