How do you survive?

[philjohnson]

Just heard from my wife. We've been separated two months and she says it will likely be several months before she is ready to reconcile.

What does that mean?

From a woman's point of view does reconciliation mean we are back together?

Or does it mean it will be several months before she is even ready to begin talking with me?

The last two months have been the hardest of my life, hands-down.

How do I survive going forward knowing that this process is likely just STARTING?

When a couple divorces, the pain is greater... no question about it. But there is a finality to it.

In the case of this separation, there is the carrot on the stick that we will reconcile. So with that hope in mind I don't know how to separate my heart from hers and move forward with my life.

I would appreciate any advice.

PJ

 

[Hipsterz]

When my wife left I got a life.

Before she left I would work and go home and watch television. I didn't have many friends I did things with. After she left I got involved in things I used to like to do. I called up old friends. I joined a church group and went to prayer groups and men's meetings. I got back in touch with family. I stopped being alone because when I was alone I thought of bad things to do. Eventually I learned to live on my own and she decided to come back. That was me. I don't know what will work for you. Just pray for God to be with you and help you and he will be there.

 

[kanga22]

Yes, what she said means it will be several months before she's ready to work things out. In the meantime, she's planning to "get a life". I suggest you do the same. Plan as if she's gone for good. If, in the meantime, she wants to work on things and maybe get back together, then you are in a better position to do that (if that's what you want). God Bless.

 

[bored]

The crux of all this is that part of "getting a life" is looking for a healthy relationship, kinda hard to reconsile with a wife in a sexless marriage when you are looking for or have a GF/FWB because of the sexlessness in the "marriage". For me, not having the sex I need is not really an option so when my ex left and wanted to play the "lets have a long drawn out reconsiliation" of which at the end I would end up on the loosing end (as far as what I wanted sexually out of the relationship) I just started filing the paper work and got a FWB. Probably not the most christian thing to do (but not nessicarily sinful since this is likely what the woman at the well was doing but was not condemned for it) but when someone who is suppose to love you, burns you then you enter that gray area that christians dont like to talk about.

I would put a time limit on the "process" to go from the time you last had the kind of sex you wanted to having it again (I would say 6 months at the absolute maximum), Also I would be looking for steps in progression, if all she is doing is playing the counseling game and you are 2 months into it and no closer to becomming intimate than you were when you first started you may want to start looking for a GF after 3-4 months (since it is very difficult to find a good woman these days), you need to carefully look for signs if she is just milking the process to manipulate you or if she really wants to work things out. If things cant be worked out in that time frame then you need to file the paper work and move on with life and a new woman. Dont tell her that there is a time frame just keep it to yourself but living your life like this for anything longer than a trivial amount of time is not how God wants us to live and is not healthy. There are woman out there that dont create drama and like to pleasure their man if they are treated right, in america its getting to be less and less but they are there and worth looking for.

 

[philjohnson]

This is terrible advice and finds very little basis in scripture.

I would put a time limit on the "process" to go from the time you last had the kind of sex you wanted to having it again (I would say 6 months at the absolute maximum)

I hope no one pays attention to this.

 

[dorig59]

Gosh, I know! A man should be perfectly happy to live a life with no intimacy or sex and to feel completely alone and destitute for the rest of his life.