How do you respectfully approach a lady who is a stranger?

[J Daniel]

*Disclaimer*

Everything is done with Christ at the core of everything. I want to make that clear!

I am going through a process, at the moment.

I want to engage with ALL PEOPLE (especially at my church) I was given great advice on that by Mr Ribbon (very thankful for that! Will be taking that Action Plan forward!)

However, I really want to engage with women my age and near (that I feel attracted to as well).

As we are now in the summer the weather is beautiful!

Everytime I see a beautiful woman and don't speak to them I feel that I am wasting a chance.

In this world we do not get anywhere from being muted.

Jesus' message was spread all over Israel and globally because he was VOCAL not silent in his works and action (I am not comparing speaking to women and Jesus' work on the same level but the idea of being vocal means people will hear).

What/how is the best way to approach a lady that is a stranger (if you are interested)?

Example - if you are on the street - on the bus - at a bus stop - in the park - on a park bench - in a unique setting - and so on.

What is the best way to approach?

I am tired of being silent - cos if only cuts me internally as I feel (as certain side of me) is wasting.

I love Christ! I understand the scripture in Matthew where it says *SEEK FIRST THE KINGDOM and everything else will come* (to that effect). But, I still think it is wise to put in works (if I want that side to blossom as well).

But, at the same time, I do want that side of life to be engaging too as well (again everything in a respectful manner! Christian way!)

Scripture says we reap what we sow - and if nothing is being reaped in that area - how can I expect to bare POSITIVE fruits by being silent?

I don't want it to appear as a 'player'. Far from that! I just want to be more engaging. That is all!

Can somebody provide good context.

People say - best thing to do is smile - people say I have a beautiful smile (not had great things to smile about in recent times).

But, can somebody share wisdom.

Thank you!

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

What are your skills, gifts, or talents? I was going to say.. You could probably employ them on social media, at church, or wherever else to get your name and persona out there?

A lot of women don't like to be "preached" to. So I'd slow the roll on approaching them from a ministerial POV.

 

[GospelS]

I would be totally fine if a guy just approaches me out of the blue and says he likes me and would like to get to know me better and asks me if he can. I like men who dare to do so.

 

[Mathetes66]

The first advise I would give is to recognize we are called to preach the gospel to every creature, every person that we come in contact with.

Luke 9:6 And they departed and went through the villages, preaching
the gospel and healing everywhere...

Mark 16:20 And they went out and preached everywhere, while the Lord worked with
them & confirmed the message...

Acts 8:4 Therefore they that were scattered abroad went everywhere preaching the word

I Chron 18:13 Everywhere David went, the LORD gave him victories...

2 Cor 2:14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

Gal 5:13,14 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. The entire law is fulfilled in a single decree: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

The first order of our lives is to love others (both male & female, adult & child, etc.) as we love ourselves & our love for each person is that they know Christ & walk in love & obedience to Him.

When speaking to someone, you have to be sincere in what you are saying. Look at what is going on with the person & what is happening around them & not just their appearance. Are they reading a book? What is the expressions on their face? Are they needing assistance on something? (packages in hands, need a door opened, etc.) These are topics of conversation.

If they have a sense of peace about them or are smiling, then a conversation may begin with, 'I sense you have a calm & peace about you. Is there a source as to why your countenance reflects that?'

Focus on character qualities not appearance & charm. Is a person is kind in their actions to others, tell them you appreciate that character quality. Is a person generous in giving, say to a homeless person? You can comment on that & start a conversation. Is a person righteous in their judgments vs putting others down? etc. And your life should be the same. Others will start a conversation with you if YOU are doing these things.

Prov 31:30,31 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands & let her works praise her at the gates.

Col 4:4-6 ...Pray also for us, that God may open to us a door for the word, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always FULL OF GRACE, YET SEASONED WITH SALT, so that you may know HOW to answer everyone.

Just be yourself & let the joy of the Lord bubble out of you & focus on abiding in Him. Often people will start a conversation with you rather than you starting a conversation.

Be confident in the Lord! Bring the Lord into the conversation & honor & glorify Him. One can say, 'This is such a beautiful day. I truly appreciate God's creativity in His creation.

Rejoice in the Lord through music. I have often been humming a hymn or Christian song & someone will comment or start to sing along with me! It is a wonderful way to open a conversation as music is one of the universal languages.

Just thinking off the top of my head & my experiences. Hope some will help you.

 

[bèlla]

I was in the bookstore Saturday escaping the heat. An older gentleman was at the table beside me reading the paper. Every now and then he’d steal a glance and smile. When I noticed I smiled in return.

Finally, we struck up a conversation and I learned a lot a lot about him and his life. We live in the same neighborhood. It was a nice chat.

I share that to illustrate you don’t need to do anything special. He was laid back and that came through our dialogue.

But when you go with a script or angle it doesn’t flow and can appear staged. If you’re bold, be bold. If you’re mild mannered and kind, do that.

Don’t change who you are to say hello. Just be polite. That’s always welcome.

 

[J Daniel]

Skills - when I am confident I can do almost anything....................

Gifts - Being silent and listening

Talents - Listening to people.

Like I said when I am spiritually high and confident I can do anything.

I feel like I need to be pushed into the deep end and SWIM.

Employ them on social media? Explain - I don't want to engage on social media anymore - I feel that is too safe - I want to engage in the REAL world.

I accept that you said about the preachy aspect. I agree.

What are your skills, gifts, or talents? I was going to say.. You could probably employ them on social media, at church, or wherever else to get your name and persona out there?

A lot of women don't like to be "preached" to. So I'd slow the roll on approaching them from a ministerial POV.

 

[J Daniel]

Yeah - but massive difference is when you are approached by a man you have no desire for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But I get what you are saying - I don't like to seem intimidating to a woman - so I chill out.

But - cos it is the big wide world - can't say for sure if she is a believer (cos that is the deal breaker) that is why narrowing to approaching a woman at church is more fitting as she is MORE THAN LIKELY a believer in Christ!

I would be totally fine if a guy just approaches me out of the blue and says he likes me and would like to get to know me better and asks me if he can. I like men who dare to do so.

 

[J Daniel]

The first advise I would give is to recognize we are called to preach the gospel to every creature, every person that we come in contact with.

Luke 9:6 And they departed and went through the villages, preaching
the gospel and healing everywhere...

Mark 16:20 And they went out and preached everywhere, while the Lord worked with
them & confirmed the message...

Acts 8:4 Therefore they that were scattered abroad went everywhere preaching the word

I Chron 18:13 Everywhere David went, the LORD gave him victories...

2 Cor 2:14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

Gal 5:13,14 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. The entire law is fulfilled in a single decree: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Very good scripture quotes there as Christian we must help spread the word in that sense I agree!



[/QUOTE] When speaking to someone, you have to be sincere in what you are saying. Look at what is going on with the person & what is happening around them & not just their appearance. Are they reading a book? What is the expressions on their face? Are they needing assistance on something? (packages in hands, need a door opened, etc.) These are topics of conversation.

If they have a sense of peace about them or are smiling, then a conversation may begin with, 'I sense you have a calm & peace about you. Is there a source as to why your countenance reflects that?'

Focus on character qualities not appearance & charm. Is a person is kind in their actions to others, tell them you appreciate that character quality. Is a person generous in giving, say to a homeless person? You can comment on that & start a conversation. Is a person righteous in their judgments vs putting others down? etc. And your life should be the same. Others will start a conversation with you if YOU are doing these things. [/QUOTE]

Very good point!!!!!!!!!!!

[/QUOTE] Prov 31:30,31 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands & let her works praise her at the gates. [/QUOTE]

Well Proverbs also says a fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom!



[/QUOTE] Just be yourself & let the joy of the Lord bubble out of you & focus on abiding in Him. Often people will start a conversation with you rather than you starting a conversation.

Be confident in the Lord! Bring the Lord into the conversation & honor & glorify Him. One can say, 'This is such a beautiful day. I truly appreciate God's creativity in His creation. [/QUOTE]

Indeed.

[/QUOTE] Rejoice in the Lord through music. I have often been humming a hymn or Christian song & someone will comment or start to sing along with me! It is a wonderful way to open a conversation as music is one of the universal languages.

Just thinking off the top of my head & my experiences. Hope some will help you. [/QUOTE]

Yes - it is all about mentally change and being CHRIST CENTRED can help overcome the things I am having a big mountain of at the moment!

 

[J Daniel]

Ah, we meet again =]

Yeah - well exchanging glances an smiling - the laws of nature!

I agree script is not right - why? Cos that script might not be right setting or mood!!!!!!! I AGREE!

As the other users said - pick up on their aura! If they are smiling a lot can make reference to that for sure!

Seem sad - can try uplift - whatever it is.

If they seem distressed a lil - help them up!

ALL OF THAT! I get it!

Yeah..........................................

You can see I am in a massive rebuild here on many fronts.

I tell ya - before all of this - I was very much upfront! TRUST ME! Anyway - moving with Christ - I am building a Christ centred manner in different areas.

But dating apps etc etc etc etc look I wanna stay away from that THE WORLD IS MY MEETING APP - PEOPLE LIVE FACE TO FACE!!!!! Gauge from there...............

Can't wait for Church service tomorrow! I need to be recharged with Christ.

I was in the bookstore Saturday escaping the heat. An older gentleman was at the table beside me reading the paper. Every now and then he’d steal a glance and smile. When I noticed I smiled in return.

Finally, we struck up a conversation and I learned a lot a lot about him and his life. We live in the same neighborhood. It was a nice chat.

I share that to illustrate you don’t need to do anything special. He was laid back and that came through our dialogue.

But when you go with a script or angle it doesn’t flow and can appear staged. If you’re bold, be bold. If you’re mild mannered and kind, do that.

Don’t change who you are to say hello. Just be polite. That’s always welcome.

 

[Akita Suggagaki]

How about, "Hi, how are you today?"

Followed by a compliment, "That is a nice_____ (hair style, blouse3, pair of boots, sandals)? It looks good on you.

I dont know I have not flirted in years.

 

[J Daniel]

Not about flirting.

I don't need advice about flirting - I know VERY well how to do that! When I flirt (back before really coming to Christ) flirting was my way of trying to get inside a woman's underwear. (Just being real)

My thing is just talking to women but wanting to find out about them and doing it in a right manner a CHRIST CENTRED MANNER!

Anyway, flirting is not what I need schooling on - infact flirting for me would be me going back to what I used to be once upon a time.

How about, "Hi, how are you today?"

Followed by a compliment, "That is a nice_____ (hair style, blouse3, pair of boots, sandals)? It looks good on you.

I dont know I have not flirted in years.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah - well exchanging glances an smiling - the laws of nature!

He wanted to communicate and I was happy to do so. I have a conviction about my lifestyle. I’ve been given the privilege to be at home. When I’m outdoors I need to show Him to the world. And be open and approachable.

I agree script is not right - why? Cos that script might not be right setting or mood!!!!!!! I AGREE!

True but it’s two-fold. Women play a part in how a man approaches them. Her presentation can be the difference between honor and disrespect. If we want to be well-treated we must give consideration to our appearance and look respectable.

I make small talk in the elevator and use honorifics to see how he responds. Some men are never addressed as Sir. I like to watch their reaction and the way his body opens up and relaxes. Honor and respect never disappoint.

I used to tell ladies to place themselves in his path. If the gentlemen they’re seeking likes art; go to a gallery. The venues I suggested were wholesome and the focus wasn’t on hooking up.

I think that still holds true for me at least. Maybe God’s pricking my spirit and telling me to get back into the swing of things. ~laughs

 

[J Daniel]

1. Yes he approached and you accepted the invitation

2. Yeah women play part - if a woman is interested to talk etc etc she will.

3. Well that is why if NIGHTCLUBS not the place to meet people lol so yeah if you love art then yeah meeting people at art galleries is a good place - if you love Christ - meet her at the church etc etc etc etc yes.

4. LOL well you can get back into the swing of things (you seem to understand what you are doing and what to look for!)

He wanted to communicate and I was happy to do so. I have a conviction about my lifestyle. I’ve been given the privilege to be at home. When I’m outdoors I need to show Him to the world. And be open and approachable.



True but it’s two-fold. Women play a part in how a man approaches them. Her presentation can be the difference between honor and disrespect. If we want to be well-treated we must give consideration to our appearance and look respectable.

I make small talk in the elevator and use honorifics to see how he responds. Some men are never addressed as Sir. I like to watch their reaction and the way his body opens up and relaxes. Honor and respect never disappoint.

I used to tell ladies to place themselves in his path. If the gentlemen they’re seeking likes art; go to a gallery. The venues I suggested were wholesome and the focus wasn’t on hooking up.

I think that still holds true for me at least. Maybe God’s pricking my spirit and telling me to get back into the swing of things. ~laughs

 

[bèlla]

Well that is why if NIGHTCLUBS not the place to meet people lol so yeah if you love art then yeah meeting people at art galleries is a good place - if you love Christ - meet her at the church etc etc etc etc yes.

I live in a bar district. Weekends are hard. ~laughs

LOL well you can get back into the swing of things (you seem to understand what you are doing and what to look for!)

I know. That’s why you’re talking to me. He always has a dual purpose. ;-)

 

[J Daniel]

1. Well bars for me don't work now

2. Well you have wonderful Christ spirit which i love! I seem to attract women from far away. But not able to do this locally (why) cos i am muted =/ but that has to change.

Today I'm not feeling all pumped an confident. Why? Not feeling glamorous atm

Midweek service tonight. Need to be charged!

I live in a bar district. Weekends are hard. ~laughs



I know. That’s why you’re talking to me. He always has a dual purpose. ;-)

 

[bèlla]

Well bars for me don't work now

When you live around them they quickly lose their appeal.

Well you have wonderful Christ spirit which i love! I seem to attract women from far away. But not able to do this locally (why) cos i am muted =/ but that has to change.

Thank you for the compliment.

I’ve been involved in long distance relationships in the past. It was more expensive then. But I rest on this principle: A bird and a fish can fall in love but where will they build their nest?

If someone approaches me who lives in a different area my first thought is whose moving? Getting involved is pointless if neither can relocate. And you need the resources to make frequent visits. At this stage, I wouldn’t consider anyone I couldn’t see on a monthly basis.

I can move and travel at will but I won’t do that for everyone. ;-)

I think someone local is ideal for you. You’ll be able to see her walk up close and serve together on various projects.

Today I'm not feeling all pumped an confident. Why? Not feeling glamorous atm

You’re funny! Get your glam on. ~laughs

I have woodworking class today. The materials are in and we’re ready to build. I’ll play with power tools a little later. I love it!

 

[J Daniel]

1. Clubs and bars lost appeal for me a good 3 years ago - trying to talk and can't hear over the loud music - nobody is in their right state of mind - and when the alcohol wears off they realise the person they gave their number too was not the person - look a lot of sad people in clubs etc etc my time with that is done! I can create my own club in my room and BUST SOME BEATS - for real!

2. Long distance relationships always end: just like that they END! I have been in 2-3 it is the same thing! I been there! VERY GOOD POINT! *A BIRD AND A FISH AND FALL IN LOVE BUT WHERE WILL THEY BUILD THEIR NEST?* Brilliant! And truth is no party ever REALLY wants to move! That is the fact - for all the love! Big change in circumstances! Cos when one moves (especially overseas) in my book you need to be married - can't move 4000k for somebody just to be their bf/gf: NO!
I have been there! Not going to do that again! Learn't from that! Find somebody local - can be a big deal for some people (who are together) moving just 300 miles away let alone one person or both moving 4000k miles.

Different if you are married and you both taking a step to move DIFFERENT you are married - but nah - done that! Doesn't work!

My previous long distance just a long distance romantic relationship (romantically killed my spirit with all the fornication) and then that changes your mind cos you start to love them but really you have gone in private areas first and then things become different. Man, look, now I am still suffering from all that crap - but for the grace of God I am standing straight as I can cos of turning to Christ after everything.

So much more I wanna say - but other people reading but man - erughhhhhhh......

You really don't get it what goes on in my mind and thoughts you truly wouldn't be able to comprehend for real! How much the last 2 years have messed me - times I say to myself *SATAN BROUGHT ME AND HER TOGETHER* going on emotional rollercoaster for nothing and as a result now suffering on different fronts - especially things I learned today..............you don't understand you really don't.............REALLY don't!

But, life lesson - chalk that up 'to the game' as they say.................

3. Next week I will get my glam - but for now - see these are the moments where I just feel like withdrawing from everything.............sucks........really does.......I am trying......I am walking forward........but things suck......more so when you see kinda miss that person......the same person I say Satan brought to me........yeah =/ .................. this is why.........things must be done right.......I wish I could go on longer talking cos............nevermind...........times I think not if God can help my mind.........only can be saved when Christ returns good and proper........cos this is not life.....this ain't living...........this ain't what it was meant to be.......

4. Good to travel - look you are free handle your business.

5. Enjoy your tools!

When you live around them they quickly lose their appeal.



Thank you for the compliment.

I’ve been involved in long distance relationships in the past. It was more expensive then. But I rest on this principle: A bird and a fish can fall in love but where will they build their nest?

If someone approaches me who lives in a different area my first thought is whose moving? Getting involved is pointless if neither can relocate. And you need the resources to make frequent visits. At this stage, I wouldn’t consider anyone I couldn’t see on a monthly basis.

I can move and travel at will but I won’t do that for everyone. ;-)

I think someone local is ideal for you. You’ll be able to see her walk up close and serve together on various projects.



You’re funny! Get your glam on. ~laughs

I have woodworking class today. The materials are in and we’re ready to build. I’ll play with power tools a little later. I love it!

 

[bèlla]

nobody is in their right state of mind - and when the alcohol wears off they realise the person they gave their number too was not the person

You’re a hoot!

And truth is no party ever REALLY wants to move! That is the fact - for all the love!

I’ve had two people come here. One from California and the other from Australia. ;-)

I wouldn’t relocate for a man. I would move if the area was one I intended to go to anyway.

I say to myself *SATAN BROUGHT ME AND HER TOGETHER*

Yeah, he’ll send someone your way. If the Lord is silent, forget about it. A person can get an idea in their head and He was not involved.

You can’t lead with your flesh and expect a holy outcome. If I’m interested in someone my first response is prayer not hello. I want to hear what He says.

so when you see kinda miss that person......the same person I say Satan brought to me........

It took time for her to enter your system and it will take time for her to leave. Better a little discomfort than another mistake. Stand firm.

 

[J Daniel]

1. I guess a hoot is a good thing

2. Yeah - if you wish to move to that area cool.

3. People defo get ideas in their head if this is a Holy union or not!

4. The issue is way after the fact of breaking up there are personal and professional knock on affects! That really sucks but yeah....

5. Haven't prayed today - just been in a lot of thought speaking to Christ in my head.

6. Midweek service in 30 minutes - need to be charged.

You’re a hoot!



I’ve had two people come here. One from California and the other from Australia. ;-)

I wouldn’t relocate for a man. I would move if the area was one I intended to go to anyway.



Yeah, he’ll send someone your way. If the Lord is silent, forget about it. A person can get an idea in their head and He was not involved.

You can’t lead with your flesh and expect a holy outcome. If I’m interested in someone my first response is prayer not hello. I want to hear what He says.



It took time for her to enter your system and it will take time for her to leave. Better a little discomfort than another mistake. Stand firm.

 

[blackribbon]

You are sort of a player if you are only wanting to talk to "beautiful" women. Your purpose is showing.

I talk to people everywhere. In the grocery store line, walking in crowds, etc. I might mention that I think their outfit is lovely (because I do), I might admire a baby, .... I don't know exactly, because it comes out naturally. You can admire the weather...complain about the line (I'd think they could hire more cashiers...)...etc. Don't stand too close. Don't make too much eye contact or you will appear to be flirting. Smile. And be willing to talk to a different person if someone else responds. Just be friendly.

(And I am more Mama Ribbon...the blackribbon is the color of melanoma awareness, the cancer that took my husband and best friend, and the heart is because I will always love him. )