How do you not get emotionally attached?

[Beautiful Fireball]

Well?

How do you stop yourself from prematurely becoming emotionally attached to a person?

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

heh, where in the world did you get that idea from


hang on.....

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

heh, where in the world did you get that idea from


hang on.....

I dunno, I think it just came to

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

well, for me, time took care of it.

After enough crap, you just stop getting sucked into anything too fast.

But, you also freak out less, because you've survived more.

 

[RonnyRulz]

Well?

How do you stop yourself from prematurely becoming emotionally attached to a person?

I don't, because I can't.

The only way I can detach myself emotionally, or meet a girl I am interested in without becoming attached easily, is if I go to God to have it removed, or when meeting them I have the anointing of the Holy Spirit on me.

I get emotionally attached easily to girls I like unless the Holy Spirit is strongly upon me. If He is upon me, then I can be and remain emotionally healthy, not getting attached way too fast or attached to the wrong person. And when I do get emotionally attached, I can't stop, I have to go to God and have Him give me a new heart.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

well, for me, time took care of it.

After enough crap, you just stop getting sucked into anything too fast.

But, you also freak out less, because you've survived more.

But does it always take time and lots of experiences? I've really only had one experience where I got sucked in pretty quickly, but I don't want to think its going to happen again. I'm just trying to figure out how to stop it from happening again, because it majorly sucked.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

Ok, here's what I've been trying to do:

(some people may not agree with this and it's not something anyone has taught me or that I've read...I'm having to teach myself out of pure neccessity)

When a thought pops into my head where I am tempted to either "think ahead" to the possibility of a relationship with someone, focus on how amazing/adorable...whatever they are, Or simply even think to myself ...."I wonder if they like me" ....based on these signs/actions on their part......................................I quickly pull out a stop sign in my mind....and stop those thoughts from initializing or progressing in my mind. I do this by taking whatever measures neccessary. If it means simply saying "stop" to myself repeatedly, or refocusing my thoughts on something else. Often times this takes more than one attempt. I may try to find something else to think about or a bible verse to memorize or most often, just start singing a worship song, to redirect that mental, emotional energy to God and off of the person.

I believe it needs to start with our thoughts because I believe we need to watch our thoughts; they become words.
then become actions, then become habits.
which turns into our character and then our destiny.

I might write more later but I've got to go for a bit.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Ok, here's what I've been trying to do:

(some people may not agree with this and it's not something anyone has taught me or that I've read...I'm having to teach myself out of pure neccessity)

When a thought pops into my head where I am tempted to either "think ahead" to the possibility of a relationship with someone, focus on how amazing/adorable...whatever they are, Or simply even think to myself ...."I wonder if they like me" ....based on these signs/actions on their part......................................I quickly pull out a stop sign in my mind....and stop those thoughts from initializing or progressing in my mind. I do this by taking whatever measures neccessary. If it means simply saying "stop" to myself repeatedly, or refocusing my thoughts on something else. Often times this takes more than one attempt. I may try to find something else to think about or a bible verse to memorize or most often, just start singing a worship song, to redirect that mental, emotional energy to God and off of the person.

I believe it needs to start with our thoughts because I believe we need to watch our thoughts; they become words.
then become actions, then become habits.
which turns into our character and then our destiny.

I might write more later but I've got to go for a bit.

Thanks for replying

This is really hard for me to do, but it makes sense. But my problem is is that I am a bit of a dreamer and I like to think like that, but I have found it probably causes waaay more problems then it is worth.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

But does it always take time and lots of experiences? I've really only had one experience where I got sucked in pretty quickly, but I don't want to think its going to happen again. I'm just trying to figure out how to stop it from happening again, because it majorly sucked.

I don't know, it's probably differnet for you than me CAUSE UR A GURL!!!1

Might be a lot of little things, or few big things, but eventually there'll be enough things to add up to change.

For me, one big thing was the coffin and a couple little things were the nails. Then again, those little things may have BEEN big things if not for the aforementioned previous big thing, thus making them little things in juxtaposition.

Either way, I don't talk to her anymore anyways.

the other things still keep in touch.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

ok I've gotta head.

But I will say a couple more things quickly.

Try to spend minimal alone time with people of the opposite sex who you could see yourself becoming attached to. Try to do things in groups as much as possible, and in the times you do spend alone together, don't let those thoughts creep in. If this means having to talk yourself out of these thoughts while with this person, then do it.

 

[catofhope]

I think especially we woman do that "thinking ahead" thing.

We think WAY ahead. You gals know what I am talking about.

I too have told myself to "stop doing that".

Prayer does help with it and keeping busy.

 

[mina]

a lot of it has to do with taking our thoughts captive. I am also a dreamer. Growing up I used to be a BIG daydreamer. I like to dream about what i want and who i like and blah blah blah. I've had to learn to stop those thoughts b/c they DO lead to emotional attachments for me. I think this is an area that we can be totally transparent with God and tell Him those thoughts when they happen or before they happen.

 

[RonnyRulz]

I think especially we woman do that "thinking ahead" thing.

We think WAY ahead. You gals know what I am talking about.

I too have told myself to "stop doing that".

Prayer does help with it and keeping busy.

I must have the mind of a super-women then

I'm convinced there's no difference between genders, only differences between unique individuals. Rather that, or I'm really woman-like, lol.

 

[Periann]

Well I guess this is extreme, but the best bet would be to not hang out with that person alone, and try to avoid thinking of that person in that way...dreaming or whatever it is like others have suggested. Keep your thoughts busy on something else if possible.

 

[Im_A]

Well?

How do you stop yourself from prematurely becoming emotionally attached to a person?

depends on how you want them in my opinion, or what your open to with that person.

i think once the attachment happens, i don't think one can really detach themselves without alienation from them. it's like those moments we have when we walk by someone we're attached to and we all get weirded out. sure when we're not around them, we're "set free", but when the moment comes, we realize how much of a lie that is.

but i think your actions help control that. i mean if you don't do things that you consider is premature, the attachement may be there but it's either in the making or at least at a point that you can let go of it easily when the time is right.

 

[Im_A]

Well?

How do you stop yourself from prematurely becoming emotionally attached to a person?

I think especially we woman do that "thinking ahead" thing.

We think WAY ahead. You gals know what I am talking about.

I too have told myself to "stop doing that".

Prayer does help with it and keeping busy.

hey some of us guys do that as well. thing is tho, in certain cases, or weird surprises the thinking ahead for us guys becomes useless because it's in our nature to be OVERLY practical. probably better to be a mix of both but that'd be a perfect world if that was the case...thank God it isn't...life is so much more interesting in a non-perfect world

 

[Mrs. Luther073082]

I don't know how I do it but it is working out well. I tell myself not to get too excited about the person and to spend at least a year getting to know them before I even consider dating them. Twice now, the year rule has worked well for me because after a few months of friendship, I discovered some BIG turn offs in two different guys who claim to be Christians. The first thought premarital sex was OK; he also had attitude problems. I caught the second guy telling me two blatant lies and I also discovered he had been talking to a MARRIED woman. And by talking I don't mean just chit-chat.

I've heard about that book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and that it advocates no kissing during courtship. I used to think that was insane, but now I think I will read that book because I can see where no kissing would be helpful. Once you kiss a person, that just feeds the infatuation and when you are infatuated, you'll overlook and excuse things that you normally wouldn't.

 

[VozNocturna]

Ok, here's what I've been trying to do:

(some people may not agree with this and it's not something anyone has taught me or that I've read...I'm having to teach myself out of pure neccessity)

When a thought pops into my head where I am tempted to either "think ahead" to the possibility of a relationship with someone, focus on how amazing/adorable...whatever they are, Or simply even think to myself ...."I wonder if they like me" ....based on these signs/actions on their part......................................I quickly pull out a stop sign in my mind....and stop those thoughts from initializing or progressing in my mind. I do this by taking whatever measures neccessary. If it means simply saying "stop" to myself repeatedly, or refocusing my thoughts on something else. Often times this takes more than one attempt. I may try to find something else to think about or a bible verse to memorize or most often, just start singing a worship song, to redirect that mental, emotional energy to God and off of the person.

I believe it needs to start with our thoughts because I believe we need to watch our thoughts; they become words.
then become actions, then become habits.
which turns into our character and then our destiny.

I might write more later but I've got to go for a bit.

Thank you for saying this!

This is really cool. This is a perfect example of what Paul articulates in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, taking thoughts captive. I am working VERY hard on this.

I am very independent, but it's easy for me to form emotional attachments in my mind. I think God is working very hard to break me from this, but I have to do my part as well. What usually happens is I start to envision what the relationship would be like, then after I discover who these people are, I get VERY angry with myself for investing so much mental energy in these people and end up cutting off them off altogether. I believe my energy could be used much more productively if I had halted my thoughts to begin with.

Ironically, I think this is why I enjoy being single (most of the time, not always): once the fantasy dies, I realize most people aren't what they seem and life on the single side is pretty good.

 

[TravellingGrace]

I agree with a lot of what was said earlier. Don't daydream about the future you could have together. Also, don't confide in them when you're going through something, because usually you get attached if you reveal something to them and they're really good about it.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

Thanks guys for all of your replies!