How do you know......

[JesusPhreek]

that it is time for another hospital visit? I havent been on meds for over a year now, and was only on them then because of a suicide attempt. God brought me to him this time last year, and it took me 4 months of struggling to accept it. I havent slept right in 3 months, and I know Im going thru my rapid cycles as I have for years.

But what do I tell the 5 and 7 year old is the reason Im leaving? There is nothing wrong with me as far as they can tell, so if I tell them Im sick and have to go into the hospital, I dont thin they will understand.

 

[s_gunter]

Maybe you do not have to stay in the hospital. Maybe this can be done outpatient? Please talk to your doctor.

If it is recommended that you visit the hospital, I've learned that it's just best to tell the kids the truth. At their young ages, they probably won't understand, and that's okay. But if you lie to them, it'll only come back and bite you in the tush later. Don't say something like you are going on a retreat/business trip/etc. They will find out you lied, and then wonder what was so bad that you had to lie. You saying that you did it to protect them doesn't fly. You only make what you did seem even more shameful. Being sick, even if it's mental/emotional illnesses is not shameful, contrary to what society teaches. You would be giving your children a bad example to follow, make them distrust you, and further the notion that being mentally ill is shameful. Do you want your kids ashamed of you because you have an illness you didn't ask for?

My daughter was 3 years old during my last hospital stay. She's 6 now. While we didn't tell her the graphic details (I was there due to a suicide attempt too), we did tell her that I wasn't feeling good at all, and that I needed help to feel better. We also told her that I would be safe in there, and that I would come out of there a better person.

As she got older, we tell her more and more. However, she will never know of my suicide attempt, since we don't ever want her blaming herself. She had nothing to do with it, and we want to keep it that way. We never want her feeling guilty over something she could not possibly control. She does know that Mommy is sick in the head, and that just means that I don't feel good a lot of the time. She understands that it's nobody's fault, it's just the way I was made. I now have a "little helper" with this. It was not assigned to her, she just does it. No one taught her this, but when someone, even if it's another family member, says something out of line and hurtful towards me about me having bi-polar, she defends me! And then she tells me, "Don't listen to them Mommy. They have no idea what they're talking about." I can do this on my own, of course, but to see it from a child, it's priceless.

Please do not be afraid to seek the help you need. Just make sure the kids are taken care of in the process. Let some other family members or you fiance take care of them while you do this. I dont' think that you will be punished by having your kids taken away from you for doing it either. Just make sure you leave them with someone you trust, that is supportive of you, and doesn't have any tricks up their sleeves.

 

[JesusPhreek]

Thats the thing, I have no doctor or health insurance.........

 

[AwesomeMachine]

In every bipolar patient there is a twisting of reality to accommodate what we have received from others. In an injured person, the heart rules the mind. The tears of the heart are stuck inside. The wound is trying to escape. It is a deep wound. We have made up our minds no one is ever going to hurt us again. We have sealed off our wounded hearts from the threat of more injury. Our hearts have been glazed over by the gratifying drives of the flesh. We seek our nature. It is our nature we do not know. We have sealed our heart from all that can love us, even from God. So deep are the wounds, we cannot even trust God.

I was so hardened in sin it took me eight years of prayer, and intercessory prayer from others, to recover from bipolar disorder. I had justified my sin by intentional ignorance. I was so enslaved, there was no way I was going to find my way out of the web of deceit I wove. I was completely deceived. Slowly, through prayer, scripture reading, Mass attendance, going to confession, confessing my sins without some excuse, and confessing the sins other people did to me which I carried as pain, fear, and ignorance; I was able to give and receive forgiveness. I got to God's door and beat on it until He let me in. He didn't let me beat on the door for Him. He let me beat on it for me. He didn't want me to easily forget my efforts. When you work for something you appreciate it. I worked harder to find God than anything, ever. I never would quit looking. I looked everywhere. I learned all the places He wasn't.

Where He is is in forgiveness. Before you can forgive, you have to hold the people accountable who hurt you. Then you can forgive. If you keep giving everyone a pass go free card, you can never forgive them. You can excuse people, but there is no healing in that. It has to be real forgiveness.

You also might be under a family curse. I have never met a mentally ill person who wasn't under a curse. It pretty much goes with the territory. I have a prayer I can email you. You can have someone pray it over you. It doesn't work if just one person does the prayer. You do not have authority, as a prisoner, to set yourself free. Someone who is free already must set you free. This prayer works. I have had all kinds of success with it, and The Blood of Jesus. I have already finished praying for you, and I will say "The Angelus" tomorrow for you. That is my afternoon prayer. I have a special place in my heart for you. You are not alone. There is someone fighting for you.